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Love and Hate
I hate me when I'm "supersized",
I hate me when I'm "light",
I hate me when I'm defeated,
I hate me when I fight.
I hate me when I'm walking,
I hate me when I run,
I hate me when I'm working out,
I hate me when I'm done.
I hate me when I'm starving,
I hate me when I eat,
I have me when I'm restricted,
I hate me when I cheat.
I hate me when I beg for help,
I hate me when I hide,
I hate me when I've talked it out,
I hate me when I've cried.
I hate me when I'm hated,
I hate me when I'm loved,
I have me when I'm pushed around,
I hate me when I'm hugged.
But most of all, I hate you
for what you've done to me,
You've covered the eyes of an innocent girl,
The truth she can no longer see.
All that she can see is fat,
And her days so full of strife,
You've taken away my most precious gift,
You've taken away my life.
The door has finally opened,
At last I've seen the light,
Its going to be a battle,
But I'm prepared to fight.
My vision is distorted,
My self esteem is low,
though better is what I want to be,
I'm afraid to let you go.
When things got tough you've been there,
to take the pain away,
So why, if I hate you so much,
do I wish that you would stay?
The only way I know to live
is with you by my side,
You've helped me through the ups and downs,
You've held me when I've cried.
But why have I been crying?
What's the cause of all my tears?
Its YOU who brought me sadness,
YOU'RE the source of all my fears.
I'm going to take my life back,
I'm going to beat this disease,
I've got the dragon by the neck,
And I've begun to squeeze.
When I look in the mirror,
I no longer hate what I see,
The girl looking back is beautiful,
The girl looking back is me.
I'm seeing myself as a person,
and not just numbers on a scale,
my body is looking healthy,
my skin is not as pale.
I've got arms that can lift free weights,
Strong legs that can run a mile,
I can appreciate what my body can do,
I'm finally able to smile.
I'm starting to get my life back,
I'm no longer living a lie,
Because I've realized you aren't a way to live,
But instead a way to die.
Reprinted with Permission.
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