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Dying Without A Choice
by: Jessica Biggs
Feel my body dying, controlled by this disease,
dying without a choice, someone help me please.
Looking at my body, blind to what is real,
others only see, never feel the way I feel.
Lying to myself, visions of untruth,
nightmares fill my night, repeating visions of my youth.
Men stole my innocents, changed the way I live,
love wasn't what they took, just something that I give.
Told that I was fat, saw the word they said,
never saw before, what I now see in my head.
One word changed my life, never be the same,
trapped in my own body, deadly victims game.
Staying alive for those I love, living life untrue,
never seeing me, only loving you.
No one there to hold me, every night I fear my last,
nothing can erase, dilusions suffered in the past.
Hope all but gone, recovery I fear,
who am I without, why am I even here?
Praying things will change, someone seeing me,
knowing I'm not eating, believing what they see.
Knowing I need help, standing by my side,
holding my weak hand, recovering what I hide.
Not my time to go, dying not my choice,
life I haven't lived, death silencing my voice.
Thought one day I might win, now my thinking wrong,
fighting death to live, takes me and someone strong.
©2002 Jessica Biggs.
Reprinted with Permission.
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