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you learn to test your limits, to ignore your screaming, crying, dying body
to ignore the truth,
b/c it hurts
and it makes sense...but it's not you. it's everyone else, and your not
everyone else god damnnit....your different.
for a moment you get scared, when your heart is pounding so fast and so hard
that it feels like it is going to leap out of your chest, like it is going to
but then you sit back and say "oh well."
you get really good at lying to yourself.
you become invincible.
everything closes in around you, you focus on one thing only
your down sizing, literally and figuratively
worrying about just one thing
living and dying, eating and starving, existing and not existing
you don't talk to people anymore, all lines of communication atrophy along with
a large section of your braing
you can't focus, can't write, can't remember what it used to be like
can't laugh, can't cry, can't create, can't understand anything
nothing makes sense....your numb from the inside out
it leaves you cold...
it's all a big mess.
you step into the looking glass and begin to fall
fall away from the world
fall away from reality
fall away from love, life, and hope
and fall apart
you lose yourself and you become anorexia....
plain and simple.
death by starvation is not pretty...
it's slow, scary and lonely.
and it hurts.
Reprinted with Permission.
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