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Miss Perfect?
by: Katy Marie

A hopeless feeling
Eating at my soul
Taking my pain out
Makes me feel whole
A sense of control
Only is only an illusion
Cause by this madness
That leaves me in confusion
I think of it as okay
When I know I am not
Afraid of stopping
And then I would get caught
And never be able to go
Away into the night
And pretend it is okay
When all I do is fight
With my family
And my friends
Sometimes it helps
The pain to sort of end
If I am yelling
Than I can not hurt
It is only sound
Those are only words
But what I say
Hurts me as well
I am going no where
My soul to the pissing well
A seemingly endless torture
A never ending game
All this caused by them
And my feelings of shame
I just want to be held
And told I am okay
Just the way I am
For who I am today
I feel unpretty
And I don’t even know why
So many painful nights
I have done nothing but cry
An endless tunnel
That is just swirling down
A perfectionist torturing
Herself for the crown
The lines of injustice
Line my poor heart
And they always will
For I have ripped it apart
And I still can not fathom
Why I would do such a thing
Perfection never came
Hurt and destruction was all it would bring
Salvation from myself
I am my own fear
Do not leave me alone
For I am always near
Just hoping for that moment alone
Waiting and wanting
Do it once or twice
My head keeps on taunting
Just hold on to me
And never let go
Why am I doing this
Why don’t I know
I am my own satan
And I let it be
I need to stop this now
But how do I stop me?

©2000 Katy Marie Sanders. Reprinted with Permission.

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