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Knowledge and Confusion
by: Anonymous

I thirst for a knowledge that is unattainable.
I search to find God
    reason
       meaning
          perfection
             love
I search to be thin
    athletic
       intelligent
          beautiful
             mysterious
                fun-loving
                   humorous
BUT IT'S ALL A LIE!
Who am I really?
Am I these things that I strive so hard to be? OR
Am I the absence and lacking which I find when I fall short of perfection?
Am I defined by...
    my grades-- almost all As, but tainted by a hideous B?
    my body-- healthy looking, but eating away at itself?
    my friends-- loving me for what they know, but not knowing the truth? OR
Am I defined by my purging
    lies
       dizzy spells
          numbness to the world
             hatred
                exhaustion
                   anger
                      depression?
Am I really the happy person that I display to the world OR
Am I the broken
    confused
       ignorant
          stranger that I see in the mirror everyday?

I know that perfection is unattainable, but what is better:
    to strive and suffer?
    to live and lose?
    to love and lose?
       to love?
Why doesn't the knowledge ever come... why doesn't the confusion ever stop?

©2000 Anonymous. Reprinted with Permission.

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