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Love :: Listen :: Communicate
Validate :: Society :: Food & Eating
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Listen

In the words of those who suffer... read and find out what each individual feels could have prevented the onset of their Eating Disorder.

"Nobody ever listens to me! nobody! I am always alone and left out! Rejected! My parents loving, caring or were they! No, they didn't care about me at all! I never fit in even at my own house! Everyone but me! My parents, though, must be very happy! They never wanted me to fit in! I also think that maybe ballet took part in this terrible thing! So much competition to be thin and lean! My dance teacher actually told me that I couldn't eat after I danced, or before a class because she didn't want to see what I ate for lunch!"


"If someone would just listen to me...
no one ever takes me seriously because I'm just a kid. But this kid has been through more than you could ever possibly imagine. Yet you won't listen to me. If only this world would just shut up and listen to me for a while. I can see what goes on. It's because you constantly push me aside that I watch from a distance and see what you do. I get the whole perspective when you all come to me with your problems. You just don't get my views because you won't listen. I just want the world to listen and hear me out. We hear so much about how sad this whole thig is, but do we ever really help it? No. We put out clinics and websites, but we never really stop to see what is going on. We never love them. We tell them they have to be beautiful and thin, and then when they are hurting we say "oh yeah, by the way, we love you." Once in my life I just want to be able to stop. I just want the world to undersatnd that we must become better before we can fix what is wrong. Just as I have to realize that I have a problem, They have to realize they do to. They can't get better without stopping what they do wrong. I just want to be loved. I just want to be free. You say 'I am just a kid.' So let me be one."


"What could have prevented my eating disorder? It is difficult to attribute it to one factor. It would have helped if my mother had actually taken me to a therapist instead of just threatening to after catching me at 13 throwing up in the bathroom. Instead of doing anything about it, she screamed at me for awhile and then listened to me state that I was just doing it because I ate too much that day, that I didn't really have a problem, and that I would stop it. After that, I guess it is my own fault for hiding it so well and not even admitting to myself that I really had a problem. Now I have been dealing with this for over 18 years and am only trying to help myself now because it is getting out of control and I know mentally that I am hurting myself, even though I can't stop emotionally from doing it."


"Maybe if my parents weren't so messed up and actually listened to what I had to say. They knew that at age 11 I wanted to kill myself, and the only thing they said was "you shouldn't think like that". They never tried to get me help or anything.

"Maybe if they weren't so wrapped up in their own problems to see that I wasn't ok (my father is manic depressive and my mother is an alcoholic)."


"How could my eating disorder have been prevented? I'm not sure it could have been. My Mom was chronically ill for most of my childhood, and I accepted the fact that she was going to die. And then she didn't. And then she became clinically depressed. And then I was told, "Don't upset your mother." "Well, just tell your Mother that you're sorry. I know it's not your fault, but tell her it is, anyway." I had a lot of pent up feelings of anger and bitterness toward her. I couldn't be honest. I wasn't allowed to be honest, for fear of hurting her. On the other hand, I felt this horrible guilt. Like somehow I could've saved "Mommy". I tried to be perfect, I always put myself down. I was a total perfectionist. I don't blame them, though. I know it wasn't their fault Mom got sick. My sister went through it with me, and nothing happened to her. I know this is my problem. Sometimes I think the mixture of striving for perfection, and the need to "save everyone", and bring harmony to my life when there wasn't any, carried over into my adult life, and that's why I'm having problems now. I feel often that when I cannot be honest about how I'm feeling, I stop eating."


"It is a little thing to listen to a child. I lift my daughter up to sit on the counter or carry her so that we can talk eye to eye...it matters a lot because now if I am distracted she musters up all the authority a 4 year old possibly can and says 'mom, i need you to wook at me for a sec...I gotta tell you something...' My son did not have a mom who was connected when he was this little and there is a big difference in their self-esteem. It is not too late to teach my son...but he is not as trusting at nine and it is a lot of work to teach trust to a kid with a low self image. It is a little thing to look them in the eye, but it matters."


"I must start by saying, I have to take full reponsibility for my behaviors. I started abusing laxatives my first year in college. My fist rememberance of why - a friend told me that you can gain weight if you do not go to the bathroom regularly. I mentioned this to my Doctor but he just said to take a "natural" laxative daily.

"A few years later, I mentioned to a Doctor on campus that I was having to take laxatives on a regular basis. He never asked to what extent. He told me to eat fruit more often. At this point, I was taking a box of laxatives a day.

"The first time I realized that taking laxatives was a "big" deal was my first visit to a counselor. I had been taking laxatives for over 5 years and never knew the damage that was being done. I was in shock to find out about what my body was going through.

"To answer your question, I may have discontinued my abuse of the drug if the first Doctor would have listened to me and educated me on the outcome of taking laxatives. Who is to say that I would have switched to another form of bulimia? This is jsut a guess. I will say that I do not think that one specific thing would have prevented me from behaving this way."


"After a lot of soul searching I have finally come to the conclusion that my Bulimia was brought on as a direct result of bullying at school when I was around 12 years old. My parents had a sweet shop so the temptation was always there to comfort eat. I even took to stealing sweets to pay people to like me. When I finally plucked up enough courage to tell my parents that I was suffering mental and physical abuse by my peers, I was disappointed to realise that they would do nothing to help me and that bullying was seen as being an 'acceptable' part of life. So my first point is to say to parents and teachers:
"Listen to your kids.
"In terms of what I could have done myself, I truly believe that if I had taken things in check when I was a teenager I could have sorted out this disease years ago. This leads me though to my second point: Educate people."


"Parents should not try to take responsibility for the eating disorder, this will definitely make things worse, although it is a common, natural reaction for parents to take. The person with the eating disorder needs to realize that it is her responsibility. A certain distance is necessary. However, the parents should be supportive. The parents should always ask the daughter/son how they can help, never the therapist or clinic that she attends. This helps the person take an active role in treatment. However, the person may not be aware of these things initially, so don't force answers."


"I have struggled with being in and out of "control" for 9 years now. When I least expect it, or if I have a down ride in life, it re-appears again. The ironic thing is, you think you are in control, it is the only thing in your life which exists that you have control over, but in reality, you are not in control."


"Most importantly, be alert to signs of eating disorders. My parents did not speak up until I reached a very low weight!"


"I suffered from anorexia and Bulimia for about 3 years and am still dealing with some issues surronding them. I came from a small town where the doctors, to be blunt, were clueless. I might as well have stood before my doctor with a sign on my forehead that said "I need help" and he would not have seen it."


Some things that could have prevented my eating disorder (or at least stopped it back then)

  1. I should have been listened to/my feelings should have been validated
  2. I should have been taken seriously when I seem obsessed with my body at such a young age
  3. My therapist should have listened to me when I asked for help 10 years ago
  4. I should have been honest and asked for what I needed instead of hoping people would read my mind


"My bulimia could not have been prevented because people with bulimia are so good at hiding their disease. My dentist never comments about the thinned enamel on my teeth (though my current physician noticed it!). My gynecologist doesnn't know the cause of my irregular and somethimes absent periods. My old doctor couldn't figure out why I had bleeding ulcers and colitis (self-inflicted) since I was nineteen. (So you people who temporarily want bulimia--how would you like to vomit and shit blood. Yeah, it's really glamorous controlling your weight this way)."


:: What's the Cause ::
Love :: Listen :: Communicate ::
:: Validate :: Society :: Food & Eating ::
:: Relationships :: Abuse::
 

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