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Fishing for Support Chat -- OCTOBER, 2001
[SFishy] okay fishys... we're gonna get started!
[MrFishy] Welcome all!
[SFishy] Lets just run over the format and rules quick...
[SFishy] This is the FISHING FOR SUPPORT chat hosted by MrFishy and me
[SFishy] we'll let you know when to participate -- and prompt you when to join in...
[SFishy] all the same rules apply to this chat as with the others... no numbers... no tips...
[SFishy] and specifically...
[SFishy] no answers to any questions that only give your ED more power!
[SFishy] so... lets get started!
[SFishy] Tonight we're going to be talking about RECLAIMING YOUR LIFE
[MrFishy] TRYING is the key!
[SFishy] We tend to give the ED so much power... so much power to take things away from us...
[SFishy] what are some things you can think of that the ED has taken away from YOU?
[purple_tao] self esteem
[varmaflower] my chance to go to college this fall
[berrymoore] my friends
[lisamom] my life
[kittie] self worth
[purple_tao] sense of self worth
[penny] my inner beauty
[varmaflower] my independence
[harshreality] desire to go on.
[purple_tao] inner peace
[primadonna] defiately confidence
[purple_tao] looking forward to a new day
[socks] love for life
[varmaflower] my family & friends's trust toward me
[grey_squirrel] free will
[purple_tao] acceptance of self
[buggie] peace of mind
[harshreality] lots of time
[varmaflower] almost my dream
[peapers] being understood by others
[socks] willingness to care for others
[varmaflower] my time
[kailyn] all my teenage years grrr
[socks] my health
[penny] my life
[primadonna] self trust
[harshreality] yes, kailyn..
[grey_squirrel] all my life
[kittie] ummm.....my breats
[MrFishy] WOW.....im heading to each persons house tonight to kik some ED butt!!!!!!!!!!!!
[SFishy] thanks all for sharing!
[SFishy] great answers
[MrFishy] Good shares!
[SFishy] now lets look at the ED as a tangible thing...
[SFishy] what if the ED were a person...
[SFishy] a person who actually took these things away from you...
[SFishy] if this person was trying to take these same things away from a loved-one?
[SFishy] what would your reaction be?
[purple_tao] PUNCH THEM IN THE FREAKIN FACE!!!!!!!!!!
[pooh_bear_fan] i'd bash them!
[kittie] i'd be mad
[purple_tao] KICK 'EM IN THE NUMNUTS
[peapers] I would have to hate them
[slj] no way
[kittie] i wouldn't talk to them
[harshreality] I'd want to take it away
[varmaflower] I would be in teh mood to fight that person and stick up to that person and not let that person get to me
[pooklg] from someone else, i would beat it to a pulp, esp my son
[socks] I'd feel sorry for them
[purple_tao] slap slap slap slap
[socks] and I'd be right pissed off
[varmaflower] I would be upset..
[kittie] mad mad mad
[socks] I would tell that person to GET HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE
[purple_tao] run them over with my car
[peapers] I'd ignore them
[purple_tao] tell them to f*ck off
[kittie] good one purple
[penny] get rid of him
[kailyn] kick em up the butt
[purple_tao] hit their toe with a hammer
[varmaflower] get rid of him/her
[kailyn] a slegde hammer
[harshreality] want to hurt it
[socks] pray for them
[purple_tao] shove toothpicks under their fingernails......oouch
[kittie] tell them to go away
[lisamom] ask them why they are so needy
[pooklg] or another part of the anotomy with the hammer/sledgehammer!
[kailyn] oooh yea!
[purple_tao] pour acid over their head
[socks] I think i'd be really cold
[socks] ignore them
[purple_tao] GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR SCREAM
[peapers] I wouldn't speak to them
[penny] bury him alive
[purple_tao] sock: sock them!!
[varmaflower] I would accept that person to leave me alone from now on..and tell them that
[socks] I'd be throwing things (but not at them directly)
[pooklg] i spelled anatomy wrong, sorry guys
[socks] I'd think they were pathetic
[MrFishy] Im with ALL of you!!!
[SFishy] me too!
[MrFishy] i think it is pretty unanimous...
[MrFishy] EVERYONE one here would be...
[MrFishy] how do i say this....
[MrFishy] a tad PISSED OFF!
[MrFishy] And RIGHTLY so......
[MrFishy] Think about the anger you would feel....
[MrFishy] WHAT MAKES YOU ANGRY ABOUT SOMEONE TAKING THOSE THINGS AWAY FROM YOU OR A LOVED ONE?
[purple_tao] stealing from me
[harshreality] they don't deserve it
[kittie] it not fair
[purple_tao] taking what's MINE
[pooklg] its hurting them
[kittie] not nice
[socks] It's just plain WRONG
[primadonna] the absolute cruelty of it
[peapers] no one should try to change who you are
[recoverygirl] wish i understood
[purple_tao] life is precious and it's MINE
[varmaflower] it is not fair
[harshreality] it's lying
[buggie] controling me
[recoverygirl] wish i could stop it
[buggie] using me
[harshreality] overly controlling and powerful.
[kittie] not being a good person
[socks] no one has the right to treat someone that way
[varmaflower] it my life and my body..no fair
[pooh_bear_fan] they don't have the right to
[socks] to not see their worth
[socks] it's WRONG
[purple_tao] shouldn't take what's not yours, THIEF
[kittie] taking away my control
[purple_tao] not nice to take what's not yours
[socks] quite malicious, I'd say
[slj] No person has the right to dtermine my self-worth
[harshreality] it makes me feel helpless.
[recoverygirl] i am so lost
[lisamom] brb need meds
[harshreality] it's not FAIR
[harshreality] it's not not not FAIR....we deserve more than this
[purple_tao] this is MY life to do what I want
[purple_tao] we deserve LIFE!!!!!
[purple_tao] YOU CANT TAKE IT FROM US
[recoverygirl] wish i understood
[peapers] what's wrong with the way I want to be
[purple_tao] WANT TO BE HAPPY
[MrFishy] GREAT SHARE!!!
[SFishy] again... great answers everyone
[SFishy] so lets review...
[SFishy] We've named the things we feel the ED has taken away from us...
[SFishy] and we've made it tangible...
[SFishy] as if a person was trying to take these things away from us...
[SFishy] or from a loved-one of ours...
[SFishy] overwhelmingly... most of us would feel anger about that...
[MrFishy] im angry just rereading it!
[SFishy] because this person would be taking something that isn't theres...
[SFishy] would be stealing from you...
[SFishy] they don't have a right to do that!
[SFishy] it's deceptive...
[SFishy] it makes you feel helpless...
[SFishy] and so on...
[SFishy] thinking about all that... and your answers...
[SFishy] how is it making you feel to know that having an ED is taking things away from your life?
[harshreality] like I've wasted so much of my life
[grey_squirrel] screwed over
[purple_tao] IT SUCKS
[recoverygirl] PISSED OFF
[kittie] hate it
[recoverygirl] SO FRICKIN PISSED OFF
[noemi] caught up
[purple_tao] F*CKING MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[kittie] damn pisser
[socks] like I have to give this up once and for all
[pooh_bear_fan] i've chosen this way
[recoverygirl] wanna scream
[primadonna] free falling
[purple_tao] disappointed in myself for allowing it
[peapers] SFishy, isn't it a culmination of what people and society have said and how they've treated us that causes the ED?
[varmaflower] the feelign that my life is already over
[FF] its time to kick this ed butt bug time
[recoverygirl] wanna lash out
[recoverygirl] wanna fight back
[socks] like it wassuch a worthless goal
[purple_tao] take back what's mine (happiness)
[harshreality] a waste of time..
[socks] what an f--n waste of my time
[socks] and my life
[recoverygirl] so tired of this shit
[appletapper] its my enemy...but in me..so hate myself
[purple_tao] really.......what's this getting us, anyway??
[buggie] i'm missing out on life
[purple_tao] I WANT TO BE HAPPY BEING ME!!!!!
[recoverygirl] so true buggie
[kailyn] me too
[socks] this stupid thing is also costing me a lot of money
[primadonna] bitter, because what was supposed to be "the answer" is so decietful and hurtful
[recoverygirl] missing out on life
[varmaflower] peapers..it is also issues in us
[recoverygirl] i want to love me
[socks] and my health
[recoverygirl] so mad
[socks] and my happiness
[kittie] very mad
[slj] i want to enjoy life
[recoverygirl] so frickin mad
[purple_tao] PISSED OFF............grr
[socks] i feel like such a fool
[purple_tao] STEAMING MAD.......FUMIND MAD
[SFishy] awesome answers!
[MrFishy] WOW.....AWESOME SHARES!!
[SFishy] and quite a lot of them ;)
[SFishy] no matter what the cause...
[SFishy] no matter how you got to this place...
[SFishy] those are things that need to be dealt with of course...
[SFishy] but we also have to work on channeling some of these angry, sad, helpless, hurt (etc.) emotions into WHAT WE CAN DO NOW...
[SFishy] to reclaim the life we deserve
[MrFishy] be mad at the ed....
[MrFishy] be sad that it has taken things from you...
[MrFishy] but being mad at yourself...
[MrFishy] ultimately is adding to the cycle of taking things away from you....
[SFishy] when we do "destructive" or "hurtful" things to ourselves...
[SFishy] beating ourselves up for the past...
[SFishy] WHERE IS THAT GETTING YOU?
[buggie] more depressed
[purple_tao] NO FREAKIN WHERE
[recoverygirl] feel hopeless
[harshreality] more hopeless.
[kailyn] lost and alone
[berrymoore] back in the past
[primadonna] it keeps me in the cycle
[FF] between a rock and a harder place
[purple_tao] going backwards
[recoverygirl] feel so afraid
[harshreality] back down
[kailyn] vicious cycles
[purple_tao] cycle, yes
[socks] definitely backwards
[pooh_bear_fan] back to the beginning
[recoverygirl] down in a big hole
[socks] and it keeps me in the stupid cycle
[varmaflower] it is only keeping me in the past
[pooh_bear_fan] all over the show
[purple_tao] hating myself more
[slj] emotional rollercoaster
[recoverygirl] hating me
[soccermom] in a hamster wheel, running but never really getting anywhere
[socks] and it makes me less motivated to get out
[recoverygirl] out of control
[socks] which is totally stupid
[kailyn] reduced to running
[purple_tao] disappointing myself
[socks] and then I get frustrated
[primadonna] feeling less and less confident in me and my abilities for life
[socks] and then I start all over again
[purple_tao] hiding from the mirror and friends
[harshreality] makes me feel like nothing will even get better
[socks] I start believing in the lies
[slj] hopeless and helpless
[pooklg] disappointed in me, i feel all the failure
[recoverygirl] get caught in the behaviors
[buggie] messing me up more
[purple_tao] more growls: ggggggggggrrrrrrrrrr
[Jes] lying to parents...
[socks] yes feeling like a self centred spoiled brat
[purple_tao] lying to MYSELF
[recoverygirl] loose sense of what really matters
[FF] more screwed up?!
[primadonna] feeling like a failure big time
[recoverygirl] loose focus
[recoverygirl] loose motivation
[purple_tao] PISSED OFF AT MYSELF !!!!
[recoverygirl] loose ME
[socks] loss of self
[purple_tao] FEELING LIKE I SUCK
[socks] self destruction
[SFishy] it's a tough cycle to break... I know
[MrFishy] GOOD answers!
[SFishy] what we feel contributes to feeling more of what we feel...
MrFishy says...if you see the cycle...raise your hand at the puter
[SFishy] and we react
[SFishy] part of reclaiming your life is learning to recognize those feelings!
[SFishy] and then doing something about them...
[SFishy] you've often heard me say...
[SFishy] "turn negatives to positives"
[MrFishy] identify and react
[SFishy] think of your answers to the last question (where is my feelings of anger/sadness/etc. towards my ED getting me if I just turn it back in on myself)...
[SFishy] think of those answers...
[SFishy] and this will be hard...
[SFishy] but how can you turn channel that into something positive?
[purple_tao] learning to love myself, no matter what I look like. I'M ME !!
[harshreality] yeah kieran!!!
[purple_tao] like what I see in the mirror
[socks] choosing to stay on a path of recovery
[lisamom] talk about it
[purple_tao] YA HOO
[kailyn] trust people
[harshreality] remind myself I don't have to be perfect
[buggie] learn to accept me
[socks] refuse to get into a conversation about dieting
[soccermom] chosing to walk forward, not backwards
[varmaflower] learning from my mistake and moving on with my life
[socks] and weigh
[socks] and weight
[purple_tao] accept when my husband says I'm beautiful and sexy: believe HIM!!!!
[harshreality] learning from my slips
[socks] and calories
[buggie] deal with anger healthily
[socks] NO MORE
[kailyn] being assertive
[soccermom] accepting imperfection
[primadonna] by getting "out of my box" and just doing the things "i know i could do if i just weighed this much less...."
[recoverygirl] know that i am sick and can get better
[primadonna] instead of waiting for that weight
[kailyn] accepting limitations
[harshreality] reminding myself of the lies
[purple_tao] I'm a person: not a number
[slj] expressive and assertive
[recoverygirl] know that i am the one who can save me
[socks] choosing to embrace the truth about the ed
[appletapper] i have to not eat to get better
[harshreality] seeing the big picture
[purple_tao] I'M A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING--NOT A FRICKIN NUMBER, DAMNIT
[socks] no longer believing the lie that being thin is going to make me happy
[berrymoore] i am ok
[recoverygirl] know that hating myself only makes me die a little more
[buggie] don't constantly compare myself with othres
[socks] seeing my worth beyond the weight, and accepting that
[primadonna] by not being so judgemental toward me
[slj] demand to be respected
[varmaflower] accept me for me..and not caring about what other say about deaf peope..I guess
[purple_tao] we're more than ok.......we're super-great!!
[soccermom] love myself as much as i love my kids
[recoverygirl] and makes all that shit from past be in present
[FF] knowing I dont "feel" is someway towards learning. Learning means pissing the ed off as it becomes weaker and I get more adept at not giving in to it
[purple_tao] don't listen to the ED lies
[kailyn] accepting that others like me
[recoverygirl] dragging it out
[berrymoore] ok,,we are supergreat
[harshreality] do something special for yourself
[kailyn] and want to help
[socks] reaching out to others so that I am not so narrowly focused on just me and my weight
[purple_tao] love myself as much as I love others
[varmaflower] respect my self more and in a way I can prove I will protec t my self..I dummo
[slj] listen to your wise mind
[recoverygirl] knowing that this is know way to live
[purple_tao] accept myself like I accept others
[kailyn] accepting taht i deserve help
[harshreality] remind yourself how much you want this recovery
[harshreality] over and over and over again..
[soccermom] i have worth
[purple_tao] WE RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[varmaflower] look in the mirror and smile
[primadonna] put me first once in a while
[slj] say i love myself
[socks] being truthful to mself
[SFishy] great answer all...
[SFishy] lets get really specific now...
[SFishy] but we have to apply this to reality in order to get through it...
[SFishy] I'm angry... angry that I've had to fall back on behaviors that are taking things away from my life...
[SFishy] but I'm NOT angry at me!
[SFishy] I'm angry that the ED has taken things away from me
[SFishy] so I'm going to channel that anger into doing something good for ME so I can keep working towards getting RID OF THE DAMN THING!
[SFishy] I'm sad... sad that I've let the ED take things away from my life...
[SFishy] but I'm not going to "self-pity" myself to death cause that isn't getting me anywhere...
[SFishy] I'm going to identify the sadness and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT... say a positive self affirmation...
[SFishy] tell someone I'm sad and ask for help... so I can keep working on GETTING RID OF THE DAMN THING!
[SFishy] think about a time when you were feeling angry at yourself or sad about your life with an ED...
[SFishy] how could you and CAN YOU specifically turn it around...
[SFishy] make it into your own life lesson...
[SFishy] and create something positive to keep moving forward...
[purple_tao] had a body massage..........learning to love my body
[purple_tao] buy new clothes and think I look good
[recoverygirl] help someone else who has ed
[kailyn] the ed has taken so much of my life...but im not letting it take any more
[Annabelle_Rose] wrote in a journal and get the feelings out on paper and not on me
[kailyn] go back home :(
[lisamom] follow my meal plan
[purple_tao] talk to friends
[harshreality] go on a walk
[varmaflower] go to therapy
[purple_tao] talk to therapist
[recoverygirl] go to therapy and be HONEST
[berrymoore] go for a run
[purple_tao] YES, BE HONEST WITH THERAPIST
[kailyn] let myself be real
[SFishy] AWESOME KEEP GOING!
[kailyn] real katy
[Annabelle_Rose] use my voice-especially with my t.
[recoverygirl] stop ling to myself
MrFishy likes the honesty one :)
[pooh_bear_fan] eat an apple instead of binging??
[harshreality] remind myself that it is a slip....and that I WILL conquer
[varmaflower] take back my life by hanging out with my friends and goign to places and being the outgoing girl I always was
[FF] I have the right to say no, mean it and have my views honoured .... even if they are wrong or misguided 'cos I am worth it
[recoverygirl] stop letting this ed keep me in chains
[purple_tao] think about WHY I'm eating what I'm eating
[Annabelle_Rose] go for a nice walk, not a hard run
[purple_tao] decide that I don't need to eat crap
[varmaflower] today I should go out side and run..not hide in teh house for days/weeks
[kailyn] let myself be
[purple_tao] need good fuel for body
[FF] eeeeek ..... oh ok ..... be honest. Really honest!
[primadonna] realizing i am talented, and going for it without worrying about what others are thinking because of my size
[kailyn] listen to what my body wats
[soccermom] give myself permission, to speak how i feel without others dictating what i should feel
[recoverygirl] think of myself as a PERSON not a BODY
[kailyn] and let it have it
[lisamom] except food as part of my recovery
[Annabelle_Rose] yeah, trust and honesty, but it's so hard! but i'm willing to do it that's for sure
[berrymoore] yes,,,,gas for your gas tank
[purple_tao] surround myself with affirmations
[kailyn] trust my inner self to others
[recoverygirl] open up and FRICKIN FEEL
[FF] no such word as cant ....... because ultimately .I CAN ..... and I WILL
[kailyn] stop running
[Annabelle_Rose] believe that who i am is okay
[purple_tao] no can't........just won't's
[recoverygirl] stop being numbed out
[kailyn] and look myslef in the eyes
[lisamom] be willing to change 15 yr of habit
[Annabelle_Rose] actually FEEL my feelings
[MrFishy] hold on ONE COTTON PICKING MINUTE HERE.........
[MrFishy] WAIT A SEC
[SFishy] those were incredible answers everyone! GOOD JOB!!!
[MrFishy] HOLD IT......
[MrFishy] ALL OF YOU
[MrFishy] PAT YOURSELVES ON THEBACK!
[MrFishy] those were KILLER answers!
[SFishy] this is STEP ONE in reclaiming your life!
[SFishy] and it definitely takes practice to recognize what you're feeling... and then to channel into something positive...
[SFishy] but you can ALL DO IT
[MrFishy] one step at a time
[MrFishy] second by second
[SFishy] from the smallest step to the largest leap, it all counts!
[SFishy] what can be step two?
[SFishy] we've recognized what we're feeling...
[SFishy] and we're conscious of having to turn it around...
[SFishy] now we have to make a committment to it...
[SFishy] I'm not talking about "promises" to be "better"
[SFishy] because that only leads to more self-defeat...
[SFishy] I'm talking about a mindset in where you can keep telling yourself to move forward, and that every movement is a step
[SFishy] recovery isn't linear with forward and back (yes, you've heard me say it)
[SFishy] so "setbacks" are part of the process to...
[SFishy] what will you do next time you have a setback?
[SFishy] What will you say to yourself?
[SFishy] What action will you take?
[recoverygirl] oh no not this time
[berrymoore] pick my self up and start again
[Annabelle_Rose] that its a slip and not the end of the world
[purple_tao] ACKNOWLEDGE IT.......BUT MOVE ON
[soccermom] instead of saying..like i always say i will eat, but actually doing..taking the leap of faith, and jumping and telling my therapist..im in a pit
[recoverygirl] i am not going to fall into that again
[kailyn] if everyone who had a set back went back to square one, noone would ever recover!
[buggie] "don't give up"
[Annabelle_Rose] that i can get back on track and that it's okay to have a setback
[kailyn] learn from my mistakes
[purple_tao] let it go by...........get on with my life
[primadonna] i'll remember it's a slip and not give in to it as in "all is ruined"
[recoverygirl] not hate myself for it though
[Annabelle_Rose] talk to someone
[recoverygirl] hate the ED NOT ME
[varmaflower] I will tell myself..I am human..human make mistake..I can learn from it and try not to make the mistake again
[purple_tao] MOVE ALONG!!!!!!!!
[buggie] know i'm not perfect and will never be
[bri] it doesnt have to be "all or nothing, black or white"
[purple_tao] don't dwell on it
[recoverygirl] pick up and carry on
[purple_tao] that's right.....recovery is a PROCESS
[FF] a slip is a slip nothing more nothing less. Its not the falling down thats the problem ........ just the staying down and heck .... I may be down sometimes but im not out!
[primadonna] exactly bri
[Annabelle_Rose] that it doesn't mean i am a bad person
[harshreality] DON'T DWELL
[soccermom] look up not back
[purple_tao] as long as we don't keep going backwards.......keep moving forward
[recoverygirl] remind myself this is normal for recovery process
[varmaflower] try again..because I will get nowhere unless I keep on trying
[soccermom] reach out instead of in
[purple_tao] recovery IS A PROCESS, not a DESTINATION
[recoverygirl] tell myself I AM NOT A FAILURE
[buggie] be proud of my recovery accomplishments so far
[purple_tao] WE ARE NOT FAILURES!!
[purple_tao] you either, recovery!
[recoverygirl] WE ARE NOT FAILURES
[Annabelle_Rose] yeah, don't forget to look at the positives
[recoverygirl] I AM NOT A FAILURE
[varmaflower] remind myself why I want recovery and what I can do to get there
[Annabelle_Rose] no black and white thinking
[purple_tao] We are all recovery........work in progress!!!!
[soccermom] i've hit a speed bump
[FF] sometimes if your not going forward it dont mean your going back ....... sometimes you just need to sit and admire the scenery
[Annabelle_Rose] keep working hard towards recovery
[purple_tao] keep moving forward, mom!
[MrFishy] AWESOME ANSWERS!!!!!!!!!!!
[SFishy] again, AWESOME answers!
[SFishy] one that particular stands out is...
[SFishy] "if we all had to start over every time we slipped up, no one would ever recover"
[SFishy] "slip ups" are not mistakes... they are part of the process...
[MrFishy] VERY important point!
[SFishy] no one expect you to get recovery PERFECT, so you shouldn't expect to get it perfect either! It's imperfection is what makes it unique... and RIGHT for you...
[SFishy] we pick up... and start again... but not at the beginning...
[SFishy] we start again at where we left off...
[MrFishy] you NEVER unlearn what you learned thru the process.
[SFishy] we have to identify what caused us to want to resort back to the ED behaviors...
[SFishy] how will you do that the next time you're feeling the impulse, or after you have?
[purple_tao] realize that I'm not a number
[varmaflower] keep a record of what happen and cause me to slip???
[lisamom] dont know
[SFishy] example: call someone I trust
[recoverygirl] remember the pain
[Annabelle_Rose] journal my thoughts
[mary] hum what's the full question just got into the room?
[SFishy] journaling is good :)
[harshreality] recognize it, and stop myself
[FF] be honest
[Jes] write in my journal! :)
[recoverygirl] do something nice for myself
[harshreality] take walk down to the creek
[purple_tao] stop and think about what I'm doing
[penny] I dont know
[kailyn] call my friend
[purple_tao] is this really healthy?????
[lisamom] I usually give in to the impluses
[harshreality] deep breathe
[recoverygirl] treat myself to a nice bubble bathe
[purple_tao] am I really in control here?
[harshreality] cold shower
[harshreality] leave the scene
[Annabelle_Rose] really look at what i'm feeling or what happened
[FF] dare to do things differently
[purple_tao] think about the triggering
[harshreality] listen to music!
[bri] the about the events that have gone on the past couple of days, and figure out how you were feeling
[Annabelle_Rose] instead of covering it up with my ed
[harshreality] think about it.
[harshreality] do something about it
[buggie] take a long nice walk/jog
[Annabelle_Rose] talk to someone
[harshreality] change it.
[purple_tao] resort to a better coping mechanism??
[harshreality] change your prespective
[recoverygirl] identify what feeling i am running from
[purple_tao] a more healthy one
[varmaflower] sorry..I miss understood the question.. I would probably call my friend and ask her if I could come over her house to hang out
[recoverygirl] or feelings
[harshreality] accept your feelings
[kailyn] stream of consciousness
[mary] ummmm try to identify the cause..then stop it
[recoverygirl] pray more
[purple_tao] dancing and laughing and watching cartoons.......hehehe
[Jes] write poetry
[harshreality] watch a TV show
[kailyn] just write everything thats in there
[purple_tao] play with my daughter
[buggie] read a book!!
[harshreality] play with kids!
[purple_tao] GO PLAY OUT IN THE MUD
[primadonna] realize that whatever is "killing" me right now, won't be so bad tomorrow
[kailyn] painting :)
[Annabelle_Rose] have fun!
[soccermom] redirect, to figure out what it is .. because, i don't know , if its my body or my mind...
[FF] distract but dont avoid
[kailyn] paint my anger and fear
[Jes] Body pain
[lisamom] good night all
[Jes] *paint LOL
[harshreality] football!!! (but don't fracture your hand)
[recoverygirl] know the pain of what ever will pass
[purple_tao] oh, c'mon Jes.....you LOVE to dance girl!!
[harshreality] bounce around.
[recoverygirl] know that feeling won't kill me
[varmaflower] play sega genies.. (I am not joking)
SFishy[AWAY] innocently asks: who's going to mention to their therapist???
[recoverygirl] know that i won't loose my mind by feeling
[Annabelle_Rose] oh yeah, that too!
[lisamom] too tired
[harshreality] next time, I will.
[Jes] DANCE!!!!!! :D hehe , turn the music up loud and just let it all free!!!!!!
[varmaflower] I will call my therapy or e-mail my nutrition
[soccermom] i'm ready..tired of fighting
[purple_tao] "love" talking to my T
[mary] mmmm....:o) maybe me
[FF] oh . ok then ..... guess that might help ;0)
[kailyn] frogstomping ;)
[Annabelle_Rose] i'll try at least
[Jes] Dont have a therepist yet -_-
[purple_tao] YEAH........DANCE TO CRANKIN MUSIC.......LA DE DA
[primadonna] sorry, bad joke
[recoverygirl] puddle jumping
[harshreality] be honest to therapist...
[Jes] Got my first doc appt this friday :D
[purple_tao] yeah, jes!
[harshreality] don't be afraid to reach out
[kailyn] nearly got a t
[SFishy] if you have a hard time "telling" your therapist... WRITE IT DOWN and give it to her/him
[recoverygirl] go to see my t tomorrow
[purple_tao] play with play doh
[varmaflower] me too..I see my therapy tomorrow too and the nutrition
[purple_tao] paint with paint-by-number and purposely goof up all the colors.....haha
[Annabelle_Rose] thats hard too though...i feel stupid-but i will!
[recoverygirl] draw a picture of the ED
[harshreality] amy--now there's an idea...
[kailyn] im going IP tomorrow
[Jes] paint your friend :D
[purple_tao] dress up goofy for one day
[varmaflower] hope you get better Kailyn
[buggie] punch a pillow
[soccermom] I will tell my T, but i have done so well...to everyone else but me
[FF] on paper jes or just paint your friend :0)
[varmaflower] go outside and dance on the street
[recoverygirl] be honest with my t
[purple_tao] like what I see when I look in the mirror
[Jes] YOUR FRIEND!
[Annabelle_Rose] play in the leaves!
[SFishy] Terrific answers!
[SFishy] step three merges with the others...
[SFishy] and that is HONESTY
[SFishy] we have to be honest with ourselves...
[SFishy] and with those around us who support us and can offer us help...
[SFishy] having a mindset committed to recovery is hard...
[SFishy] but we are only ADDING obstacles to OURSELVES if we're not being honest
[MrFishy] and there are enuff of those already!
[SFishy] think of one or two or three people in your life... people who have been supportive but you have not been completely honest with...
[SFishy] how will you try your best to be honest with them?
[faerie] i finally went to the doctors today
[Jes] My parents.... I'm just not ready..
[kailyn] ill write to them
[faerie] ..because of my heart
[purple_tao] hard to tell him about my ed
[recoverygirl] my therapist
[Annabelle_Rose] write it out at the moment i'm feeling it
[purple_tao] FRICKIN EVERYONE
[varmaflower] my mom, my family, my friends
[bri] its hard to be honest because i dont want to hurt them
[recoverygirl] my friends at church
[bri] or have them on my case
[faerie] ...my dad, my mom
[mary] my family i just can't be am too busy protecting them
[faerie] myself, of course.
[Annabelle_Rose] let my t in...
[bri] being honest with feelings is different then being honest about behaviors
[purple_tao] that's it: EVERYONE
[faerie] my boyfriend knows everything.
[SFishy] HOW WILL YOU TRY TO BE HONEST WITH AT LEAST ONE OF THEM???
[faerie] i trust him.
[Jes] be honest to MYSELF.... :((
[purple_tao] too embarrassed
[purple_tao] too ashamed
[recoverygirl] i will take the risk
[Annabelle_Rose] yeah, i gotta be honest to myself too
[FF] trust them, dont expect them to reject me because I reject myself
[recoverygirl] i will trust they care about me
[varmaflower] talk to them..open up to them. (I have already been doing that..honestly)
[bri] i can be honest with friends who understand
[faerie] ....my doctor doesn't really belive there is anything wrong with me.
[primadonna] tell hubby the truth, as in when i'm angry or upset instead of "brushing it off
[soccermom] my husband, my therapist, my doctors...i don't want to hurt them...I know they will be disappointed, I know tonight, i will tell my husband, adn then togetherwe can tell the therapist...
[kailyn] trust my sadness to them
[recoverygirl] and are not tring to make me fat
[kailyn] dont say IM OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[FF] just blurt stuff out with editing it to sound nice
[SFishy] good plan soccermom
[purple_tao] I humbly bow to all of you who have been able to tell your loved ones. Kudos to you!!
[kailyn] or fine, we all know what that stands for
[faerie] she says everything is psychosomatic
SFishy[AWAY] thinks purple needs a plan :)
[varmaflower] when you don't want to hurt someone..and after talking to them you realized how much they want to help U and how glad they are that you came out and talk to them..that work for me
[FF] honesty purple .. i promise you it wont kill you
[recoverygirl] i tell my boyfriend some things, but am not telling him all
[MrFishy] purple...how bout starting with a simple..."im not okay and sometimes i need help?"
[soccermom] honesty and fear tend to stop...me in my tracks, but i will follow through...feeling empowered..
[purple_tao] I really do (really!!!) want to tell others..... just too ..... ashamed......
[Annabelle_Rose] remember that being honest will only help me
[Jes] I need to be honest to my parents...but im so scared
[Annabelle_Rose] hard to admit i need help though
[MrFishy] recoverygirl.....one step at a time :)
[recoverygirl] i am not perfect even though i wish i was
[Annabelle_Rose] that' s my problem
[purple_tao] they all know "something's" wrong.......just don't know "what'
[SFishy] ideas: write it in a letter... turn off the lights and tell them in the dark... make a cassette or video tape... tell your therapist and ask her/him to help you tell your loved-one
[SFishy] what else?
[FF] purple .... you are just fine .... you dont need to pretend to be anything other than what you are
[kailyn] realise that asking for help isnt an admitance of weakness
[purple_tao] feel I'll be judged
[Annabelle_Rose] i like the dark thing
[faerie] i wish my doctor would believe i'm "not okay"...just because i'm not underweight doesn't mean i'm healthy
[Annabelle_Rose] then i feel like they couldn't see me
[Jes] my parents said im killing them...how am i suppose to open up now.. :(
[purple_tao] thought of telling hubby at nighttime in bed
[primadonna] admitt to needing to be taken care of once in a while instead of always doing the "taking care of"
[SFishy] Jes... then think of someone else more supportive in your life to tell right now
[Jes] i HAVE no one else.. in real life
[varmaflower] in my case...I would rather have my therapy tell my family the entire thing without me taking part in helping to tell them
[buggie] amen varmaflower
[recoverygirl] my family got fired
[faerie] ........aren't sharp chest pains some sort of indicator that things aren't ok?
[varmaflower] nope..no one is goign to let you die, faerie
[recoverygirl] i fired them
[MrFishy] jes...EVERYONE has someone....sometimes...we just dodnt wanna SEE them.
[SFishy] varma... you take part by asking the therapist to do it
[SFishy] and that's okay too
[purple_tao] all my friends are far away, Jes, so I hear ya
[Annabelle_Rose] i gotta remember that my therapist is there to help me
[Jes] my best friend just moved away, dont have any other friends to confide in
[purple_tao] why all the shame associated with ed's??
[Annabelle_Rose] and to be honest with her so she can
[faerie] .....and so here i've been telling myself that i should listen to my body, and udnerstand how serious this could be..with my heart, but my doctor says: you're making it up
[SFishy] far away: phone works... e-mail works :)
[recoverygirl] true annabelle
[recoverygirl] so true
[bri] its hard when you do confide in ppl that you are struggling, and they seem to leave when they know that. and stay if you are doing good
[purple_tao] why is it so hard to tell our loved ones???
[kailyn] writing is good
[faerie] i mean...what am i supposed to believe?
MrFishy says....walk up to the cashier at the nearest store and say..."you know what...sometimes...im just NOT ok"
[kailyn] its easier to write
[varmaflower] because we fear hurting them..purple
[recoverygirl] theropist wants to help me
purple_tao thinks: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[kailyn] tell a lampost
[recoverygirl] not make me fat
[Jes] She left before i can do can get anything.. just disappeared
[FF] how about starting by being honest with yourself. Being a friend to yourself. Then you can look outside yourself for real friends who do accept you for you
MrFishy say...and ya know what...theyll probably say..."yea...me too sometimes"
varmaflower scream no..way..Mr. Fishy..I could never do something like that.
[Annabelle_Rose] or they will roll their eyes like in that commercial
[SFishy] we aren't comfortable with ourselves... that means we're not going to be comfortable REVEALING THAT to our loved-ones... it makes us feel vulnerable
[primadonna] i need to quit making excuses when i'm not okay.....
[purple_tao] I'm very vulnerable
[faerie] ........i haven't even told my mom, and i know she'd take it better than my dad.
[kailyn] im scard
[faerie] but it's so scary....
[recoverygirl] i am so scared to disappoint people
[Annabelle_Rose] i hate being vulnerable:(
[faerie] since she doesn't know of my activities of the past 3 years
[MrFishy] purple....its OK to be scared...its what we DO with that feeling that is important
[Annabelle_Rose] it's scary
[purple_tao] I AM a disappointment :(
[kailyn] cut the words ok, fine and alright out of my vocab
[recoverygirl] i am afraid to tell them
[SFishy] faerie... so go out and buy a nice card and write it in that... hold onto it for a few days and then give it to her
[recoverygirl] as if they will give up on me
[SFishy] purple: TURN THAT AROUND INTO A POSITIVE!
[faerie] ......and it's scary trying toopen up now and tell her everything
[recoverygirl] as if they will see in me what is see
[faerie] my mom lives in a different country.
[Jes] i wish i had a T.. lol
[purple_tao] what? I'm POSITIVE I'm a disappointment??
[primadonna] (((((purple))))))) you're anything but a disappointment
[faerie] .......is sending it too impersonal?
[Butterflyoflife] I am real depressed tonight
[purple_tao] okay......not a total disappointment.......how about failure?
[MrFishy] recovery....dont forget...and ED NEVER allows you to see yourself.
[varmaflower] nope..you are not a failure either
[recoverygirl] true mrfishy
[SFishy] nope... into a positive... not a less severe negative
[faerie] ...i've been thinking about writing her a letter...but i just can't make myself do it.
[Annabelle_Rose] yeah, very true
[kailyn] write as if noones ever going to see it
[kailyn] then send it
[MrFishy] fairie....thinkin about it is the first step....just gotta work on the second :)
[faerie] So at least i'm getting an EKG and other tests done to be sure.
[purple_tao] I'm so incompitant (sp) I'm not even a disappointment....... I'm worse
[purple_tao] ugh.........that's bad
[purple_tao] scratch that
[SFishy] do it faerie... and hold onto it for a few days or a few weeks... and then give it to her... even just writing it is a step!
[Jes] My doc will know bout the ED friday... going for tests...scared to death
[varmaflower] think about your furture...think about you ..and think about how much youwant help and do it for you..faerie
[purple_tao] I really want to tell hubby........ need some other hints
[kailyn] i feel so bad for scaring everyone today
[recoverygirl] good for you jes,
[buggie] i going for tests too
[faerie] i didn't let my doctor off the hook easy, she almost didn't let me insist on it. she almost said: well, you seem fine, so i'll see you next time
[SFishy] leave the homepage of Something Fishy open on the computer before he's ready to browse the net for a while
[SFishy] OR better yet... tell him "I want to show you something" and bring him to the site
[soccermom] i'm going to trust that my husbands love is stronger, than my fears
[purple_tao] don't think hubby would get the association
[faerie] ....BUT, i said...i'm not okay..
[MrFishy] purple.....leave a sticky note on his alarm clock with this sites web address.
[primadonna] purple, telling is so hard, but i honestly bet hubby already suspects something and really wishes you would share so he can help
[faerie] so, she agreed....
[recoverygirl] tell my boyfreind look at site
[primadonna] lol amy!
[Jes] My mom found SF!!!! :-O... she got most of her info here... I'm happy but uneasy now
[varmaflower] blink eyes
[faerie] ........but what if i die before the tests are done.
[Annabelle_Rose] yeah, i'm really gonna try to bring some of my writings to my t next time
[purple_tao] yeah, easy for all you guys.....you've already done this.
[Butterflyoflife] I am new here. I forgot how fast chat rooms can be.
[faerie] before i have an appointment?
[faerie] ..what if i have a heart attack tomorrow?
[MrFishy] purple...EVERYONE had to start somewhere....wassnt easy at the time ya know :)
[faerie] i'm so scared
[SFishy] not easy at all purple... but not as hard as you are playing it up in your mind either
[kailyn] i wish i was home :(
[purple_tao] afraid hubby will think less of me :(
[recoverygirl] faarie being scared is good
[primadonna] actually, i was quite lucky, hubby is the one who told me i had an ed way back when we were dating lol
[purple_tao] "how disgusting!!"
[faerie] damn i'm starting to cry
[recoverygirl] means you are being real
[recoverygirl] and not in denial
[SFishy] he will have mixed reaactions purple... and you will deal with them together.
[FF] the fear of doing is often greater than the actual doing purple . you can do it. Its OK to be scared
[purple_tao] S H A M E
[Jes] ARG guys G2G!!!! (((((((((((((((( Fishies )))))))))))))) Love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) TC of U!!
[faerie] yes, i can't exactly ignore the messages of my body anymore.
[SFishy] SHAME only has the power you give it
[Annabelle_Rose] so it's really okay to be scared right
[Annabelle_Rose] cuz i definitely am
[kailyn] its ok to cry
[recoverygirl] fear is a motivator
[varmaflower] you have to start somewhere..in order to get somewhere else
[soccermom] purple..in my experience..i often make things out to be much worse than they actually are, and i fear, many of the same things.. too, but i'm leaping tonight...maybe in your time you can leap to and trust
[MrFishy] varma...well put!
[SFishy] we are RECLAIMING OUR LIVES!
[SFishy] and that isn't easy
[SFishy] and it's definitely scary
[SFishy] but we can come up with constructive ways to do it!
[MrFishy] TRYING is the important part...cant do it if ya dont try!
[SFishy] think of ONE positive thing you can do to reclaim your life this week... with the three things in mind...
[SFishy] Recognize/Identify... react/action... honesty
[FF] be honest with myself, my T, the friends who know and really care
[kailyn] Get on a train back home tomorrow
[FF] love me?
[recoverygirl] be honest with my therapist tomarrow
[purple_tao] THROW OUT MY F*CKING SCALE
[recoverygirl] tell her everything
[faerie] i don't want to die
[Annabelle_Rose] yeah, smash my scale!!
[purple_tao] I DON'T WANT TO DIE, EITHER
[Annabelle_Rose] that could be fun
[faerie] but the heart stuff is so scary
[purple_tao] SMASH GRUNT BANG WHAMO
[primadonna] i can start putting all the energy i use into worrying about how i look to other people into my "performance" and get out of my box!
[varmaflower] call my friend up and tell her I will go skating with her and her friend on friday
[faerie] the sharp pains are too frequent.
[Annabelle_Rose] take a break from exercising and realize that it is okay
[kailyn] eat properly in hospital instead of taking advantage of not being watched!
[FF] see, feel and choose to do something that will kick the ED
[purple_tao] not get on the scale
[FF] instead of kicking myself
[purple_tao] eat and not worry about it
[Annabelle_Rose] remember that food is fuel
[purple_tao] LOVE ME
[faerie] .......my dr told me not to exercise
[kailyn] give all of my blades to my dr
[purple_tao] remember that I am me, not a number
[kailyn] instead of half
[purple_tao] yeah, kailyn
[varmaflower] well, my mom think I need to learn to eat food that I does NOT like to be prepare incase I go to a place where it doesn't have one food I like
[Annabelle_Rose] realize that si will not help and call someone or journal instead
[varmaflower] get use to new things..ok..shoot me
[FF] just ... BE
[purple_tao] wear clothes that I like and not worry about what others are thinking
[varmaflower] go shopping
[Annabelle_Rose] be honest with someone of how i'm feeling
[purple_tao] think about tonight's chat!!!
[purple_tao] PSYCHED US UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[FF] go to bed . its 4am
[purple_tao] psyched me up, at least
[Annabelle_Rose] me too purple
[kailyn] me too
[kailyn] bed at 4am!!
[purple_tao] love myself
[MrFishy] AWESOME SHARES!!!!!!!!!!!!
[SFishy] OKAY ALL...
[SFishy] as we end each chat...
[SFishy] I want to hear your affirmations...
[SFishy] LOUD AND CLEAR!
[MrFishy] YELL UM TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[purple_tao] I AM NOT A F*CKING NUMBER
[faerie] ...take care of yourselves
[recoverygirl] I WILL NOT DIE
[Annabelle_Rose] who i am is OKAY!!
[recoverygirl] I DESERVE TO LIVE
[purple_tao] I AM FANTASTIC
[Butterflyoflife] Take one day at a time
[purple_tao] I LIKE WHAT I SEE
[Annabelle_Rose] i deserve to eat
[varmaflower] I am a special person!!!
[recoverygirl] I AM NOT A NUMBER
[buggie] I WILL MAKE IT
[Annabelle_Rose] i deserve happiness
[FF] helllllOooooooooooooooo world ........... this is MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
[faerie] you guys are awesome
[recoverygirl] I AM NOT A BODY
[purple_tao] I AM MYSELF
[varmaflower] I am Beautiful
[varmaflower] I can do it
[Annabelle_Rose] numbers do not define ME!!
[recoverygirl] I AM NOT A FAILURE
[kailyn] I AM ME
[purple_tao] WE RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[faerie] i will win
[recoverygirl] I DESERVE SUCESS
[varmaflower] I am worthy
[Annabelle_Rose] i will fight
[faerie] one day
[MrFishy] KEEP UM COMMIN
[purple_tao] YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE, RECOVERYGIRL!!! EESH
[kailyn] YAY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Annabelle_Rose] and i will win!!
[Butterflyoflife] I am alive
[buggie] it is okay to mess up sometimes
[recoverygirl] I DESERVE TO EAT
[FF] i can
[faerie] i deserve love.
[recoverygirl] I AM A GOOD PERSON
[varmaflower] I deserve the BEST!!!!!!!!1
[FF] i will
[primadonna] people judge me, not my weight
[recoverygirl] I WILL
[Annabelle_Rose] setbacks are OK!
[purple_tao] WE DESERVE EVERYTHING
[kailyn] I DESERVE a chocolate cookie, brb
[recoverygirl] SETBACK ARE OK
[faerie] you all deserve LOVE and HUGS
[purple_tao] need sushi
* faerie hugs everyone
[purple_tao] THANK GOD FOR THIS WEBSITE
[recoverygirl] I DESERVE TO LIVE
[MrFishy] YOU ALL ROCK
varmaflower say I love all of you
[recoverygirl] I LOVE YOU ALL
[purple_tao] WE RULE
[purple_tao] WE ROCK
[Annabelle_Rose] i can beat this!!
[kailyn] you are more than a number on a silly plastic box!
[kailyn] me tooooooooo
[purple_tao] YEAH KAILYN
[recoverygirl] WE CAN BEAT THIS MONSTER
[faerie] you guys are amazing!!!
[Annabelle_Rose] yeah, scales can go to h*ll!!
[recoverygirl] I WILL NOT DIE
[SFishy] SHOUD 'M LOUD!
[recoverygirl] I WILL LIVE
[faerie] i wish i had your energy
[purple_tao] MALICIOUS, EVIL DISEASE......YOU SUCK!!!
[varmaflower] I am going to GET RECoveRY
[MrFishy] DAME MAS
[recoverygirl] I WILL KICK ED ASS
[Annabelle_Rose] i am not the ed
[varmaflower] RECOVERY RECOVERY RECOVERY
[Annabelle_Rose] i have an ed and i will beat it
[Butterflyoflife] ED IS DEAD!!!!
[purple_tao] LIFE IS WONDERFUL
[Annabelle_Rose] recovery all the way
[recoverygirl] I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY
[Annabelle_Rose] find the happiness i want
[purple_tao] I AM A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING
[kailyn] BASH BASH BASH ED!!!!!!!!!!!
[recoverygirl] I AM IN CHARGE
[Annabelle_Rose] and live my life! actually LIVE!!
[FF] who wants to be an ED when we can be OURSELVES ..... one and only... unique.... BEAUTIFUL
[varmaflower] ME ME ME..MINE..MINE.. MY LIFE
[recoverygirl] I AM GOOD PERSON
[recoverygirl] I LOVE ME
[purple_tao] WE RULE, GIRLS
[primadonna] i will use the talent GOD has given me, without worrying about how i look to others
[Annabelle_Rose] he he...spanish, i remember like two words of that!
[recoverygirl] I AM WORTH IT
[purple_tao] WE ARE NOT A NUMBER
[recoverygirl] I WILL NOT DIE
[purple_tao] WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS DESERVING OF EVERYTHING!!!!
[recoverygirl] I WILL LIVE
[faerie] vous etez superbes
[Annabelle_Rose] I AM WORTH IT AND NOT A NUMBER
[SFishy] GREAT AFFIRMATIONS!
[MrFishy] YOU ALL ARE AWESOME!!!
[SFishy] Thanks so much for coming tonight... we'll be here next month... last Wednesday (Nov 28th)...
[SFishy] and we'll have a follow-up game on the bulletin board
[SFishy] (FISHING FOR SUPPORT Forum)
[SFishy] within the next 1/2 hour
[MrFishy] HOLD ON TO THE FEELING.....STRETCH IT OUT......
[SFishy] please all... remember...
[MrFishy] RECLAIM YOUR LIVES!!!!!
[SFishy] YOU CAN RECLAIM YOUR LIFE!!!
[SFishy] and never forget to keep working on...
[SFishy] taking care of YOU!
[MrFishy] Have a WONDERFUL night/day.....
[SFishy] nighty nite!
[MrFishy] BE GOOD TO YOU ALL!!!!!!!
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