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Fishing for Support Chat -- NOVEMBER, 2003
[SFishy] We're going to get started everyone...
[SFishy] I know not everyone here is from the USA...
[SFishy] but obviously tomorrow is a major holiday here in America...
[SFishy] so I wanted to start tonight off
[SFishy] with everyone giving at least one thing they are thankful for...
[SFishy] it can be as simple as you are thankful to get through a day, or to have someone smile at you, or it can be monumental like making major breakthroughs in recovery...
[SFishy] so everyone...
[SFishy] what are you thankful for?
[adgirl] my job
[Stevie] my son
[camellia] my ability to keep going even when I want to give up.... my strength, even when I don't think I have any
[WantToHeal] I am thankful for my children
[Jazzy] Mariah and Ryan (two people I'm very close to and thankful for) :)
[searchforhappiness] im thankful that i get to spend thanksgiving with my family
[prayer_warrior] my hubby and kids
[katwm] being alive! & GETTING healthy
[Stevie] my life....everything about it
[afallenangel] my mother in law my husband my friends and my sister
[pastortwobe] my support network ... friends and therapists
[pOuntO] thankful i breaked in time before i hit the car in front of me
[fetskoli] I'm thankful for really good friends who understand.
[camellia] my therapist
[seekinghelp] my life
[afallenangel] ahh yes my wonderful T how could I forget about her =)
[katwm] my therapist too (:
[merry] thankful for my family and recovery (even on the not so great days)
[Jazzy] that I got a new (and very good therapist) that's helping me
[fetskoli] (another turn--sorry) That I made it safely 200 miles away traveling today.
[tallia] I'm thankful you asked the question FIshy :) - seriously - you made me really pause! (and I needed that)
[afallenangel] yes thank you fishy having a bad holiday season but it helped to think of the positive
[candylion] erm.. for the stars? can't think of anything else..must be very ungrateful
[Jazzy] that there's no more school til Mon ;) !
[pOuntO] hell ya!
[fetskoli] Stars are pretty!!!!
[fetskoli] May Monday come slowly.
[Jazzy] yeh :)
[tallia] I"m thankful for a fishy who , by opening up, and chatting, and just being herself, inadvertently reminded me why I'm alive..or why I want to live ..or rather, what makes me 'tick' :)...not sure how to phrase it :)
[Jazzy] for this site ... :)
[camellia] thats sweet tallia
[tallia] ya..that too jazzy
[MarlaSinger] I agree with jazzy
[fetskoli] That my childhood bedroom still looks exactly as I left it! :)
[SFishy] thanks for sharing everyone!
[MrFishy] GOOD ANSWERS!
[SFishy] around this time of year, we always like to talk about coping skills -- coping through the holidays is important...
[SFishy] I like to think of Thanksgiving as the opening day to the holiday festivities...
[SFishy] it's important for us to always remind ourselves of the positive things in our lives... there's always SOMETHING...
[SFishy] so through the holidays, what things can you do to remind yourself of positive things you've accomplished, things you are thankful for?
[WantToHeal] I don't know
[pastortwobe] make a list and hang it on my wall
[WantToHeal] lol merry
[Jazzy] make a list and read it every now and then
[prayer_warrior] i dont know
[camellia] I suppose that I have made it to another holiday...
[candylion] what if you haven't accomplisehed anything?
[searchforhappiness] yeah writing them down in a book would help whenever i think of one
[camellia] that next year is a new year
[MrFishy] candy.....we ALWAYS accomplish SOMETHING :)
[fetskoli] Make a list of good things about me.
[Jazzy] everybody's accomplished things :)
[MarlaSinger] I just keep reminding myself that I am a second year law student on the dean's list
[SFishy] candylion: you accomplished coming to chat tonight -- that's one thing.
[Jazzy] you can ask others that care about you to help remind you of things if you forget or can't think of something
[pastortwobe] ask other people to help you make a list of good things about you
[MarlaSinger] That must mean somethng
[Stevie] step outside of myself and look around me....this is a hard one i have no idea
[katwm] awesome maria!
[camellia] that I have made some changes in my life this year & that took a lot of courage to do
[fetskoli] My t reminded me that I've learned to walk, talk, ride a bike, read, etc. We all have accomplishements.
[MrFishy] stevie...thats a good one!
[candylion] ok... erm...
[katwm] start a list and be honest - hard to find the positives sometimes but they are there
[merry] i am finally seeing changes...and how this process is worth it
[Stevie] thanks :)
[tallia] maybe just take time every day (at the start and ed) and meditate on one or two things
[tallia] and end that is
[MrFishy] cmon prayer....you can do it! :)
[WantToHeal] this is a hard one
[pastortwobe] i write severy things every day that i'm proud of myself for in my journal
[MrFishy] you can do it too want!
[MarlaSinger] The results back from the doc also help; I am healthy right now, and I don't want to go back.
[SFishy] it's not always easy to find positive things, especially on days you don't FEEL upbeat... but even getting through a day is worth feeling at peace about
[MarlaSinger] I look at them every day
[prayer_warrior] im thinking
[prayer_warrior] im not sure
[pastortwobe] start small prayer
[camellia] yes, that is very true SFishy
[MarlaSinger] Go prayer_warrior!
[candylion] try to be thankful that i am still alive so still maybe have a chance to accomplish something.. instead of thinking it would be better if i wasn't?
[MrFishy] prayer...did you make a CHOICE to come to a RECOVERY chat?
[prayer_warrior] i have accomplished coming here to this i wasnt going too
[WantToHeal] what was the question again?
[SFishy] so through the holidays, what things can you do to remind yourself of positive things you've accomplished, things you are thankful for?
[WantToHeal] sorry lol
[merry] hehe wth...stay on task!
[pOuntO] haha scrooll
[MrFishy] THERE YA GO PRAYER!!! You made a CHOICE for YOU!
[WantToHeal] I am trying merry, disassociation . . . lol
[prayer_warrior] hey i did lol
[samm] sorry i'm late
[WantToHeal] I still don't have an answer, maybe remember that my kids love me
[MrFishy] sometimes...its how we look at things! :)
[tallia] PRAYER - you did more than that - You're *participating* in chat :)
[merry] hey wth, i've seen u make such strides...so i can say that as a friend
[prayer_warrior] yeah that is true i didnt think bout that
[MarlaSinger] Glad to see you samm
[WantToHeal] thanks merry
[prayer_warrior] ty talia
[camellia] write them down and re-read them -- especially on the really tough days when they don't seem much like accomplishments at all
[samm] gratzi, marla
[tallia] welkie prayer :)
[merry] you have a accomplished so much and are an inspiration to so many
[fetskoli] We can also surround ourselves with friends who recognize the good in us.
[apollo] how can we read about all these people that die and still do what we do?
[MrFishy] prayer.....seeing the "good" sometimes takes practic3 :)
[samm] what? its almost over?!?!?
[candylion] hmm i don't know
[camellia] continue to reach out to those around me for reminders
[MrFishy] your ALL doing great! :)
[prayer_warrior] yes true mr fishy
[MarlaSinger] No matter our misatkes, we are good people
[MarlaSinger] No matter our typos, we are good people
[bird] I like to look around and watch the news and see everything I have
[SFishy] Great job everyone!
[MrFishy] Good shares everyone....especially the ones who had to dig a little depper! :)
[SFishy] I know it's not always easy to see the glass as half-full (as opposed to half-empty_
[SFishy] We started off with naming some things we are thankful for...
[SFishy] and a lot of times when the holidays come up, we get overwhelmed with thinking how stressful it's going to be...
[SFishy] What are some special things you actually ENJOY about the holidays... or moments you look forward to?
[samm] does anyone see me?
[pOuntO] opening my presents
[Jazzy] yep, we see ya samm
[candylion] giving presents
[MrFishy] marla...try again! :) hehehehehe
[Stevie] i enjoy the company of the people close to me
[samm] howdy tony - sorry kept getting a weird message
[prayer_warrior] ummm seein my kids open presents
[afallenangel] i look forward with being with my family which unfortunatly I won;t be this year but I will be with my second family
[searchforhappiness] i agree with stevie
[WantToHeal] I enjoy . . . oh gosh
[pastortwobe] spending time with my neice and nephews
[Journey] i can be here??
[candylion] givinh presents is the only thing
[tri_jp] spending time with my family
[camellia] a break from routine
[samm] time on my own!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[pastortwobe] giving presents
[MarlaSinger] I enjoy a month without law school
[pastortwobe] decorating the house
[katwm] for me it is going to be all new -family is not safe so i'm alone now - hhhmmm - hard
[fetskoli] I enjoy the moment when all the presents are wrapped, the tree is up, and the cards are all mailed! Seriously, I like the feeling of accomplishment after I get something done.
[prayer_warrior] giving presents too
[MrFishy] kat....how about enjoying a new adventure?
[MarlaSinger] That's the best I can do
[searchforhappiness] having a break from the fast pace of everything and just being able to breathe, if only for a short bit
[camellia] being able to open my home to others who have no where to go (I'm hosting t-day tomorrow)
[Journey] i can be here?
[Jazzy] holidays are really difficult for me. There's not too much I look forward to...but I do like that Holiday "feeling" I get. I don't know how to explain it...but it's kinda peaceful, ya know?
[katwm] yeah - i just need to come up with ideas
[samm] are we talking thanksgiving or Christmas?
[WantToHeal] I enjoy the lights and decorations . . . as long as I don't have to put them up
[samm] or both?
[SFishy] samm: either/both
[tallia] what about "chanuka"? :)
[MrFishy] either samm
[camellia] holiday season samm
[prayer_warrior] lol want me too
[MarlaSinger] Mr. Fishy, I am struggling here.
[MrFishy] that one too tallia! :)
* samm thinks: that's what i get for being tardy
[pastortwobe] yeah jazzy ... i know that peaceful holiday feeling ... people are happier
[MarlaSinger] I really can't think of much
[Journey] i better go
[SFishy] any holiday :)
[merry] hm..for someone that has a comment for everything..i'm having blockage
[fetskoli] I enjoy playing holiday music.
[MrFishy] marla? Ever look at a snowflake fall?
[tallia] tho chanuka is a different kinda 'holiday' - not the same celebratory event as xmas
[candylion] but it's hard for me now to do christmas shopping and my family have broken up anyway so i won't be with them so i wish christmans wasn't going to happen at all :(
[WantToHeal] lol merry
[prayer_warrior] dont have snow here lol
[MarlaSinger] It just snowed here last weekend
[MarlaSinger] I did love it
* SFishy loves holiday music... I look forward to laying around in my pajamas and listening to x-mas music
[camellia] i agree, this is a hard one mer
[afallenangel] this year is not a good year I need to dig really deep to find it..
[samm] yea i guess it did
[WantToHeal] yeah, it is
[MrFishy] watch a snowflake next time it falls marla...its AWESOME! :)
[prayer_warrior] me too sfishy
[WantToHeal] they are all hard
[camellia] good one Amy
[samm] i had a friend die that was pregnant in NY
[pastortwobe] make snowflakes out of paper prayer
[samm] THAT was hard!
[merry] can i take hints anyone?
[katwm] sfishy - that is cool - i can try that this year even if I am alone
[fetskoli] I'm sorry, samm
[MarlaSinger] This is my first year in three years in recovery, and I am really struggling
[samm] yea - it sucked
[WantToHeal] umm, lights merry?
* MrFishy likes looking at all the decorated houses1 :)
[samm] but i got thru it :)
[prayer_warrior] lol pastort
[WantToHeal] oh, me too mr fishy :)
[Jazzy] I'm not with my (real) family either candylion...it can be kinda lonely and sad...but you can make a new experience for yourself for holidays...that's what I've been trying to do
[afallenangel] havign family probelms lost a good friend this year and it's going to be sad not having him here this year to celebrate with
[MrFishy] so there ya go want! :)
[camellia] the magic of christmas morning -- still ;)
[Jazzy] I love xmas music too! :)
* SFishy loves to decorate the house all festive-like... it's fun, and looks so perrrrty
[WantToHeal] Phew, got one lol
[MrFishy] good one jazzy!
[candylion] Jazzy - i just pretend it isn't happening - how do you do it?
[merry] braincells are already on vacation..i'm still thinking..
[pastortwobe] i like going to church on midnight on christmas ever
[fetskoli] This is silly, but I like looking at my tree lights with my contacts out. I'm very near sighted, and see a bunch of huge, colored circles instead!
[pastortwobe] oop eve
[Jazzy] thanks MrFishy...:)
[MrFishy] fets....thats not silly AT ALL!!!!!!
[samm] lmfao fetskoli
[WantToHeal] how bout mittens and pretty hats merry?
[SFishy] fetskoli, not silly at all if it makes you happy!
[pastortwobe] lol fetskoli ... i'll have to try that
[samm] that sounds cool, actually
[fetskoli] It's calming for me.
[Jazzy] it's been hard to. I didn't even try 'til last yr
[afallenangel] building a snow man or making snow angels then going inside for hot cohoclate
[merry] oh well i guess i'll have to pass
[camellia] it sounds peaceful fets
* SFishy loves the smell of pine -- I even buy pine smelling candles and burn them...
[Jazzy] but I've decided I have some control over it
[fetskoli] I like playing clarinet at midnight mass.
[MarlaSinger] (((((((((((((((((jazzy))))))))))))))0 I hear you
[WantToHeal] oh, good idea sfishy
[camellia] ooo, i love fresh pine boughs too
[katwm] i hadn't thought of all the simple things - maybe being alone won't be so bad if i get involved in other stuff - ie lights and decorations and music
[Stevie] i love the lights
* SFishy loves the smell of a good fireplace (even though we don't have one! boo hoo!) -- the whole neighborhood smells warm and inviting
* prayer_warrior is smeeling her pine now from her Christmas tree
[WantToHeal] I have a car aromatherapy diffuser and put peppermint on it, it makes me calm
[MrFishy] :smells" can be VERY powerful for emotions! :)
[Jazzy] you have to kinda do stuff like this...thinking about what does make you feel happy/peaceful instead of all the concentration on the pain and hurt
[SFishy] I get peppermint candles too!
[tallia] WTH...i have vanilla :)
* merry steals some ideas to get in the holiday mode
[candylion] if i can't be the little girl hanging up a stocking in a family, who believes in magic and is excited,, i don't want it at all!
[katwm] dressing up my pets in christmas stuff is fun
[Jazzy] thank you MarlaSinger ((((((((((hugs))))))))))
[MarlaSinger] Actually, smell is the sense most closely linked to memory
[WantToHeal] that's cool tallia :)
[afallenangel] that is so cute kat.. I wish my dogs would stand still long enough =)
[MarlaSinger] Maybe smells can evoke a good time before our f____in eating disorders
[samm] whatcha mean candy?
[SFishy] we've done whole chats on the power of smell :)
[Jazzy] but then youre going to say sad, Candylion.....
[camellia] really? wow
[katwm] marla there are other smells than food
[MarlaSinger] This is my first organized chat
[SFishy] this ties into our next question a bit... so we'll keep the flow going...
[Jazzy] mine too!
[SFishy] anticipating the "bad times" of the holidays makes it all the more sterssful...
[fetskoli] uh oh.
[SFishy] and certainly, there are things we end up having to do during the holidays that we don't always want to...
[SFishy] maybe go to a family member's house we really don't want to see...
[SFishy] or shop in crowded stores...
[SFishy] we can also begin to make our own NEW traditions... we don't have to be tied to the old ones...
[samm] shopping is therapeutic
[SFishy] we can make the holidays what we WANT them to be...
[katwm] new traditions! yes!
[WantToHeal] how do you make them what you want them to be when you don't have any control over them
[SFishy] what kind of new traditions can you try out... what kinds of things have you always wanted to do that you can do this year and make your own?
[samm] any advice on divorce over the holidays?
[camellia] yes, I've been able to do that with Thanksgiving.... but not with Christmas due to family expectations :(
[seekinghelp] making something for thanksgiving instead of letting my sister take over and cook it all
[prayer_warrior] i dont know
[merry] enjoy the yummy food!!!!!
[afallenangel] that is a tough one
[fetskoli] Family expectations was the exact word I was looking for, cam.
[Jazzy] making Christmas crafts and cards. I've always wanted to do that and think I will this year
[katwm] i want to get friends together to go caroling at senior homes (for christmas)
[camellia] I now host thanksgiving for people who don't have a place to go (like friends whose families are far away)
[candylion] there really isn't anything it's impossible
[katwm] that is so awesome camelia
[searchforhappiness] i never make stuff for christmas, so yeah try to do some type of craft
[SFishy] a good example... the first few years Tony and I were together we decided to make Easter our own... so we didn't see family, instead spent it with friends and went out to dinner, or got take-out and ate on the floor in the living room
[pastortwobe] i like to do that too jazzy
[afallenangel] for thanksgiving starting a tradition of making thangsgiving at our house rahter than goign to my family's house
[camellia] its enjoyable.....
[seekinghelp] i'd like to enjoy myself. now thats something new on thanksgiving!
[candylion] i used to do that jazzy, it's fun!
[Jazzy] that's nice katwm
[fetskoli] Good, Heather!
[WantToHeal] how did you do that without people getting mad at you?
[prayer_warrior] would like to enjoy the food
[afallenangel] we will enjoyu a nice thanksgviing dinner stress free and nobody will feel uncomfortable
[merry] were your families near by??
[camellia] but its hard to do for Christmas because of family expectations.... i was able to spend one Christmas alone & it was wonderful.... but this year I am going home, and it will not be so good :(
[Casee] Or if it didn't have to be about food.
[SFishy] you can also add your OWN traditions to holiday-expectations...
[Jazzy] I'm going to do it this year then....make lots and lots of crafts :)
[katwm] i have to go - thank you all and I wish you all a blessed and RELAXING thanksgiving!
[fetskoli] Hi, Jeanette
[samm] thanks kat
[afallenangel] christmas will be the same as always xmas eve dinner at our house go to midnight mass, xmas day will be different not sure what we will do different yet
[Jazzy] happy thanksgiving to you katwm!!!
[prayer_warrior] bye kat tc
[pastortwobe] night kat
[camellia] in what way, Amy?
[SFishy] for example... last year we decided that each year we would now take the whole family to the zoo for x-mas... a few days afterwards... get the hot cocoa and dress all warm, and take everyone for fun
[Picasso] (((((Samm, thank you)))) ((((FETSKOLI))))
[afallenangel] that is a great idea Amy
[fetskoli] That sounds fun, Amy.
[seekinghelp] that sounds fun SFishy
[samm] that does sound fun
[Jazzy] that sounds nice :)
[SFishy] be creative!
[prayer_warrior] cool amy
[SFishy] what kinds of things would YOU all like to do as a new tradition?
[candylion] yes, but if you haven't got a family you can't so stuff like that Amy
[SFishy] do you buy YOURSELF a gift?
[afallenangel] I think maybe we will get together with our friends for xmas abnd just have a little intimate get together
[SFishy] do you go someplace YOU want to go?
[merry] well maybe i can land a man in time for the holidays!
[seekinghelp] no i dont
[prayer_warrior] nope not me
[WantToHeal] no and no
[WantToHeal] lol merry!
[samm] i think xmas will be wash for me this year
[Stevie] thats a great idea....buy myself a gift!
[samm] unless i start thinking differently
[pastortwobe] i'm having friends to my house for a turkey dinner for the first time in years ....
[samm] which i should do
[seekinghelp] I'll write myself a letter and save it for a year
[Stevie] how sad but i never would of thougth of it
[afallenangel] this year I am not going somewhere I don't want to go for once so that is different
[fetskoli] The time before the holidays is really busy at work. I have to find something to do to destress. (thinking)
* SFishy reminds everyone to buy themselves SOMETHING and wrap it up and stick in under the tree/menorah for the holidays...
[Jazzy] I never feel like I deserve to have something for myself...so maybe that would be a good challenge to buy myself something for Christmas
[candylion] that's a really good idea seeking help
[searchforhappiness] i'd like to get my brother and mom to do something as a family together but i dont know what would get them to do that
[pastortwobe] i'm too hard to buy for :)
[WantToHeal] I wouldn't know what to get me
[prayer_warrior] good idea amy
[SFishy] buy yourself a nice new journal... or some coloring books... or a new phone... or some post-it notes... or some cozy pajamas...
[afallenangel] I got what I wanted though the best gift of all I am free of my eating disorder
[merry] i dont even know what i like
[WantToHeal] same here merry
[merry] i'm learning though
[samm] right on fallenangel
[seekinghelp] whoa affalen, can you wrap that up for me
[samm] i bought myself a new outfit today from JCrew
[samm] i guess i could wrap it
[afallenangel] I would love to seeking
* SFishy hears a new tradition for all... buy YOURSELF a gift :)
[candylion] wow fallen, i would love that gift best of all!
[fetskoli] I got new pj's for myself. I almost forgot!
[pastortwobe] there's a book i want to order .......
[SFishy] but you HAVE to wrap it up and not open it until the holidays :)
[samm] i'm giving myself a new life as well
[tri_jp] i got a nice warm electric blanket
[fetskoli] books are good...
[Jazzy] wb Marla singer!
* prayer_warrior will buy herself something this year
[merry] hi trip!
[samm] no more codep.
[afallenangel] My ED no longer rules my life nor any other self destructive behavior I am learning to cope without them and I have been tested with this but have not fallen prey to them
[pastortwobe] good for you fallen :)
[MarlaSinger] thanks Jazzy
[camellia] is it ok if I hide it & don't put it under the tree? family would call me selfish if I did...
[Jazzy] yw :)
[WantToHeal] it's okay with me camellia :)
[fetskoli] put it under your bed, Cam.
[samm] camellia - whatever you have to do
[camellia] well, maybe at the bottom of the suitcase since I won't be home lol
[pastortwobe] i like that idea too cam
[Jazzy] put it under your tree and tell them it's ok to think about yourself! :)
[merry] how ab out a trip to mexico?
[SFishy] put it under your own tree Cam... or keep it in your room... whatever will make you happiest
[afallenangel] sounds good Merry
[WantToHeal] Let's do it merry!@
[merry] whose in???
[WantToHeal] I am
[MarlaSinger] Doing what?
[Jazzy] I'll do it
[merry] mexico bandwagon???
[tri_jp] i am packing my bags
[Jazzy] buy a gif for yourself, MarlaSinger
* prayer_warrior thinks: will be able to talk with her brother for the first time in 3 years
[Jazzy] for Christmas
[candylion] i would like a hug for christmas, but you can't buy that can you? or wrap it up?
[MarlaSinger] You can call me Hillary
[MarlaSinger] Or Hill
[afallenangel] i really want a puppy but don't think that is going to happen this year
[MarlaSinger] Or HillThrill
[seekinghelp] no but its free candylion
[prayer_warrior] ((((((((((((((((candy ))))))))))))
[Jazzy] you can give yourself one ((((((((((candylion))))))))))
[Stevie] i would love a guarantee....but i guess the suspence is just as good
[MarlaSinger] I am going to buy myself a nice winter coat
[camellia] candy, you could buy a big stuffed animal to give you a hug anytime you want ;)
[SFishy] next question all...
[SFishy] I realize everyone here may have different religions...
[SFishy] and decorating is an individual thing...
[SFishy] but this year, what ONE decoration can you put up, or go out and buy to put up, that will remind your of your own personal strength and power... the power to recover?
[SFishy] what decoration will serve as a positive reminder for yourself?
[camellia] a candle
[seekinghelp] a star
[prayer_warrior] dont know
[Jazzy] a star also
[searchforhappiness] i want to hopefully find a cross necklace, that i can wear and remind me im not alone
[camellia] a candle for light, hope, life...
[pastortwobe] i'm making a christmas tree on my front door .... the evergreen tree always "survives the storms"
[Stevie] lots and lots and lots of lights.....many colors and very bright
[Jazzy] I like that searchforhappiness :)
[candylion] i like the idea of a candle... a white one...
[afallenangel] I personally like angels and saw one that I want to get that represents hope and preservenrence (sp?)
[samm] a bow on my wreath on the front door of my house
[MarlaSinger] A nice ring
[searchforhappiness] thanks jazzy
[samm] but what color?
[tallia] a collage of my pets that got me *to* vet school, *through* vet school , and through some of the deepest depressions of my life :)
[Jazzy] yw :)
[camellia] candles travel in suitcases too ;)
[seekinghelp] thats awesome tallia
[MarlaSinger] I don't wear rings, but maybe I can find one that reminds me not to b/p
[afallenangel] that is great tallia
[merry] oh dear how do u think up such questions :) make me think..
[pastortwobe] and my best friend is giving me a christmas tree as a "reward" for doing so well with fighting my ed this year
[tallia] I have to make it thou - been wanting to - but it's painful (they are all 'gone')
[WantToHeal] lol merry
[Jazzy] I wanna be a vet one day! I admire you Talia! :) :)
[SFishy] does ANYONE have an x-mas tree ornament of a fish? (yes, we actually have a few LOL)
[WantToHeal] I am stumped on this one as well
[seekinghelp] glitter and confetti to make a mess all over the house
[fetskoli] I put lots of odds and ends under/around my poor little tree. Perhaps I'll add a little fishy box that a fishy gave to me. Symbolizes recovery, ya know?
[WantToHeal] lol fishy
[samm] lol - YES
[samm] i do
[prayer_warrior] i dont
[tallia] :) jazzy :)
[candylion] a candle is like representative of the light or 'flame' that is supposed to burn insideus and can overcome anything!
[ChristinaMarieR] I do
[camellia] no, but good idea!
[samm] i've collected fish stuff for years fgrowing up at the beach
[MarlaSinger] Way to market this sight, SFishy
[seekinghelp] maybe i'll buy a fish ornament
[WantToHeal] It's such an effort to get the decorations out
[samm] lol marla
[Jazzy] welcomes :)
[MarlaSinger] Quite the entrepaneur (sp?)
[SFishy] some members have made fishy ornaments for us :)
[Jazzy] I haven't ever seen fishy ornaments but would like to :)
[camellia] thats cool ;)
[SFishy] Jazzy... make one for your very own :)
[candylion] the old decorations make me cry - maybe you could buy some new ones wantto heal?
[tallia] SFishy - you should have a tree with an ornament with every fishies name on it -- how man yfishies are there total? LOL
[Jazzy] okie dokie! :)
[MarlaSinger] I want to be on a tree
[SFishy] 20,000+ ornaments might take a while to hang LOL
[WantToHeal] that's a good idea candylion. I don't know if my kids would go for that though
[pastortwobe] wow !!
[MarlaSinger] Holy sh_t
[tallia] ok...strings of popcorn?
[ChristinaMarieR] WTH, don't look at it as an effort... Look at it as a way to rediscover "Christmas" ;)
[MarlaSinger] There's a lot of us
[MarlaSinger] Sorry about the language
[pastortwobe] tallia ... good idea
[candylion] take them to choose tham with you = or they could have one new one each!
[WantToHeal] It's too hard Christina
[fetskoli] At first I didn't like receiving a fishy anything as a gift, since SF also for me symbolizes EDs, but I think/nope I look at fishy stuff a bit differently now. Depends on what you see it as...
[MarlaSinger] It's also rather religious
[MarlaSinger] Loaves and the fish, and all that stuff
[SFishy] Swimming fishys symbolize the exploration of the unconscious -- that which lies below the surface -- and a seeking for the deeper meaning of self; How we feel, what we love, what we believe and who we are.
[tallia] gefilta fish?
[MrFishy] hey..isn't that my cousin?
[MarlaSinger] Sorry, Catholic school for 13 years
[merry] how about music notes..that seems to be an escape for so many of us...and a way to find our inner fun!
[WantToHeal] lol mrfishy
[merry] and creativity
[SFishy] so other than fish, what other decorations mean self-empowerment for you?
[SFishy] music notes are great!
[fetskoli] OK, Amy. Thanks ;)
[SFishy] I have a little mini computer ornament
* MrFishy likes music notes!
[camellia] ahh, a little flower ornament LOL
[MarlaSinger] ummmm books
[tallia] sailing/ the ocean (not really a decoration..but could be)
[merry] i think i may start singing again
[MarlaSinger] I love books
[afallenangel] there is also a celtic symbol that symbolizes strength from difficult times I don't know what it is called though
[Stevie] i agree with butterfly....i feel very strongly about them
[MrFishy] ying yangs
[camellia] you could have a sailboat tallia
[Jazzy] I LOVE music....I play the sax and it always helps me to feel more free and empowered when I'm having a hard time
[MarlaSinger] I got kicked out of a musical b/ c my voice is so bad
[camellia] a little camellia flower ;)
[merry] marla , i'll give u lessons :)
[MarlaSinger] It won't help
[Jazzy] awww...how rude of them! I'm sorry Marla :(
[MarlaSinger] Trust me
[merry] well u can lipsinc like millie vanillie
[tallia] I really can't think of a decoration aside from own artwork that's a symbol...not like "a fish" or "a boat"..i guess my artwork cause it represents my soul
[Jazzy] if you love singing ...just sing away...doesn't matter what others say, only matters how it makes you *feel* to sing!
[fetskoli] Music is good. Bad reed days suck. Right, Jazzy?
[MrFishy] jazzy...IM with YOU!!!!!
[Jazzy] thanks! :D
[merry] shower is key
[tallia] oh god..i'm so tone deaf LOL
[WantToHeal] yes, less bo that way merry
[tallia] my "neighbor" sings in the shower - she has an amazing voice LOL..i'd hate for her to hear mine LOL
[merry] no i meant singing silly not bathing!
* fetskoli sings in the car
[MrFishy] its the acoustics in bathrooms that work! :)
[candylion] if you can hear her, she can prob hear you! lol
[merry] although bathing is good too
[WantToHeal] I figured but it was out there merry, had to respond!
* fetskoli plays clarinet in the bathroom (makes it sound better)
[merry] yes i guess i set myself up
[MrFishy] you all rock!
[SFishy] I want to cover one more major topic before we end for the night all...
[SFishy] coping through the holidays is important, and all the things we've talked about will help...
[SFishy] but when faced with stress, we have to be able to deal with it best we can...
[SFishy] and be kind to ourselves...
[SFishy] so lets make a holiday coping list to hang on our bulletin boards...
[SFishy] what positive things will you put on the holiday coping list?
[SFishy] what will you do when things get stressful?
[tri_jp] take a bath
[tallia] *breathe*...remember to *breathe*
[afallenangel] deep breathing
[samm] and do yoga
[afallenangel] talk to someone abotu it
[camellia] ah, my laptop is coming with me on "vacation"
[candylion] you could remind yourselves they aren't going to last forever
[fetskoli] remember accomplishements.\
[Jazzy] play the sax or *sing*! :D
[afallenangel] do somethign soothuing
[pastortwobe] make a collage
[Jazzy] yeh...remember accomplishments
[camellia] try medication again....
[tallia] lol camellia :)
[afallenangel] remember this is temporary and it will pass
[candylion] hmmm i did't say anything about a laptop?!
[Jazzy] listen to music or call a friend and talk about nothingness that will make me smile
[afallenangel] go for a walk
[fetskoli] Stare at Christmas tree lights in the dark, without contacts, listening to Christmas music! :)
[MrFishy] look up and count the stars
[afallenangel] listen to xmas music
[camellia] light a candle
[afallenangel] and sing!!!!
[WantToHeal] yeah, I love looking at the stars too
[fetskoli] Remind myself that everything will be ok, and that I'm ok.
[tallia] what about 'in the moment" gonna pull ur hair out kinda stress where you can't "pause" ans "stop" to do something like 'draw'?
[candylion] yes.. look out of the window at the stars :)
[merry] watch 'my cousin vinnie'
[MrFishy] tallia....jump up and down and make crazt noises! :)
[camellia] try not to internalize the messages and shame from my mom
[WantToHeal] oh, I love that movie merry
[tallia] lol MrFishy...that might just work..lol..certainly will have them wondering tho if I'm onthe RIGHT meds ROTF
[Jazzy] Talia, take deep breaths, think about all the animals you help :), all the people that care for you.
[fetskoli] lol tallia
[MrFishy] leaving people wondering is good sometimes! :)
[tallia] :) thanks Jazzy
[fetskoli] ditto, Cam.
[pastortwobe] write poetry
[Jazzy] yw :)
[camellia] thanks casee
[afallenangel] tell the person if it is a person causing the stress
[merry] write thank you notes
[tallia] I think next time my mom get's outta control unreasable, impossible to talk to..i'm gonna do that - just start jumping up and down making silly noises...it will make MORe sense than whatever she's babbling about LOL
[tallia] omg..this could get funny
[afallenangel] start the xmas crads
[fetskoli] yeah, confront the person that causes the stress.
[afallenangel] oops cards
[MrFishy] fallen...VERY good....EXPRESS the meotion instead of hurting yourself with it! :)
[pastortwobe] paint my nails
[WantToHeal] confront? yikes
[tallia] I think I like jumping :)
[MrFishy] or of course...the EMOTION! :)
[Jazzy] yeh that's a good idea
[afallenangel] thank you took me a long time to learn that
[camellia] write, write, write....
[afallenangel] and lots of therapy LOL
[merry] beat up a pillow
[camellia] reach out to those who understand and support me
[fetskoli] call a friend (choose friend carefully)
[afallenangel] allow myself to feel it instead of tryig to run away from it
[tallia] one thing sometimes works...if *I* can (hard with family) - pause and put myself aside -forget the convo and just ask myself - 'what does this person need/want from me *right* NOW"
[MrFishy] hehehehe....good call fets!
[pastortwobe] make a pros/cons list
[camellia] call my t
[tallia] ie: get outta my own head...(my lifetime goal LOL)
[fetskoli] no, Tony, I'm serious. I chose the wrong friend to talk to last week.
[merry] you guys i hate to run...have a great thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[pastortwobe] you too merry
[camellia] take care mer
[MrFishy] fets...it happens....and we just hope we learn ya know?
[tri_jp] you too merry
[candylion] it's hard to use positive coping methods even if you do have an idea of some - sometimes you just can't and nothing works but the negative ones
[merry] take care!!!!
[Jazzy] telling somebody how I feel is a good one for me. I keep it to myself too much but it always helps a ton when I decide to let somebody know I'm hurting
[fetskoli] Yeah, thanks, MrF.
[MrFishy] jazzy...hard...but great! :)
[Casee] What about parent issues
[camellia] pray that new meds help.....
[Jazzy] thank you :)
[afallenangel] using negative coping mechs may feel good for a little while but last for a short period of time and make you feel worse afterwards
[fetskoli] pray for parent issues!
[MrFishy] cANDY....IF THE NEGATIVES ONES ACTUALLY WORKED...YA WOULDNT BE HURTING MORE YA KNOW?
[tallia] candy - sometimes I think we go to 'familiar' ways cause the new ones , while more pleasant, are kinda scary/uncumfy...easier to go to what u know..kinda have to force the new ones to become 'habit'
[MrFishy] sorry for the caps :)
[MrFishy] good call tallia
[tallia] yup fishy - nope..caps were appropriate..i taught myself that this weekendd
[candylion] that's true Tony..
[MrFishy] candy? want a weird piece of homeowrk?
[Jazzy] I think coming here and reading posts helps me...it feels motivating and empowering (like SFishy was asking about earlier). You all are very encouraging...the short time I've been here it's been very helpful.....thank you..... :)
[candylion] yes please...
[candylion] tallia, you are right
[MrFishy] do EVERYTHING backwards tommorow.
[tallia] it's hard TOnY..seems almost stupid that sometihing that feels good (or not painful) would be something we'd have to 'force' ourselves to do..that we'd run back to pain...
[tallia] backwards? LOL
[MrFishy] PURPOSELYZ stop ANY habits!
[afallenangel] you will be amazed when you start using positive coping mechs how good you feel.. it is hard to get use to using them but makes you feel so much better than the negatives
[candylion] hehe how do you mean tony?!
[MrFishy] for example....
[Jazzy] not me! It's the holiday break...no homework!!! ;)
[tallia] except eat backwards (wink)
[pastortwobe] i've done that mrfishy ... it's hard .... but makes you think :D
[MrFishy] if ya normally put your socks on first...
[MrFishy] put them on last....
[MrFishy] if ya brush your teeth first....do THAT last.
[camellia] over the shoes? (lol)
[Jazzy] after your shoes? :)
[tallia] should u make ur sandwhich inside out? hehehe
[MrFishy] PURPOSELY feel uncomfortable....
[tallia] lol..wadda mess
[MrFishy] cause ya know what?
[tallia] ohhh.i get it
[fetskoli] if you normall put your underwear on before your jeans.....LOL
[MrFishy] in the end....it doesnt matter ya know?
[candylion] that would be so hard, i am so rigid in my 'routines!'
[MrFishy] BINGO candy! :)
[tallia] ya..but my shrink wants me on a routine LOL
[pastortwobe] exactly candy ... that's the hwole point
[MrFishy] THATS your homework! :)
[Jazzy] ohhhhh you know? My therapist talked to me about doing somethin sorta like this.....
[Jazzy] he said do things to purposely make yourself uncomfortable and then sit with it....
[MrFishy] thats all we EVER ask candy! :)
[tallia] lol fets..just read that
[Jazzy] eventually you "habituate"
[MrFishy] ittle be fun too! :)
[MrFishy] You ALL rock man! :)
[MrFishy] groovy and stuff!
[MrFishy] yes...im 40! :)
[SFishy] great job everyone! We're going to continue this coping list on the bulletin board in the FISHING FOR SUPPORT CHAT forum, so be sure to go and post to it later or tomorrow :)
[SFishy] As we always end all of our chats...
[SFishy] Why do you deserve to find some enjoyment through the holidays... why do you deserve good things in your life... why do you deserve recovery???
[MrFishy] AND I WANNA HEAR THEM
[camellia] Becase I deserve better.....
[pastortwobe] because i'm a worthwhile person........
[tri_jp] because i am a good person
[MrFishy] THERE YA GO
[afallenangel] I deserve to find enjoyment in the holidays becuase I am a loving giving person who deserves to be happy and feel loved during the holiday season and always
[Jazzy] (deserving questions are hard for me
[WantToHeal] yeah, for me too
[fetskoli] I'M TOM THE TURKEY---HEAR ME SING! or gobble, or choke, or something.
[WantToHeal] because my kids need me?
[MrFishy] ALL WE NEED IS ONE
[fetskoli] This is hard, remembering the stupid thing I did this week.
[camellia] Becase I deserve peace & happieness....
[Jazzy] because everybody deserves to be happy and have a better life
[MrFishy] CMON GUYS
[WantToHeal] I'm trying to come up with one
[tri_jp] because i love myself and others
[candylion] i couldn't say anything without lying as I know that I really, really don't deserve anything good.. i'm not just saying that, it's true
[MrFishy] CANDY...DONT BUY IT!
[Jazzy] because I.... care about people and want the best for people....so deserve the best too.....
[tallia] because I'm human. (I deserve the experience of "pleasure" as well as "pain" (or health as well as illness - which we all are experiencing)
[WantToHeal] because God loves me
[fetskoli] I'm important even if I don't have everything others have, cuz I have 24 little kids who think I'm the world!
[MrFishy] YES JAZZY!
[Jazzy] ..... :)
[tallia] it's not even deserving... it's just 'taking'
[afallenangel] I am happy with who I am
[MrFishy] YES FALL
[pastortwobe] because i deserve to get better
[camellia] tallia, that is provocative
[MrFishy] EVERYONE rocks in their own way!
[fetskoli] (one of my students drew ME for the thankful quilt, so I must mean something to somebody)
[Casee] Candy, children who have been abused often say that, too - but of course, they are everything
[camellia] something to think about...
[MrFishy] there ya go fets...we dont always see what others see
[Jazzy] that's sweet fetskoli :)
[afallenangel] I am proud of my strengths and accomplishments and do not dwell on my weakness and failures but work to correct them
[fetskoli] He labeled it with my name, too. aw.
[Casee] Fetskoli and any more fishies that are teachers (((())))!!!!!
[camellia] because people do genuinely care....
[fetskoli] If you can read this, thank a teacher.
[samm] as i red i think just maybe i shouldn't have come in here tonight
[tallia] camellia- ya..well..all I can think of (philosophically...) there is no "deserve"..life just is..you make it , choose it, ..etc..nothing is portioned out..or handed to you cause you 'deserve it'..not even 'being human'
[WantToHeal] Thank you for this chat Mr and Mrs Fishy
[samm] read not red
[MrFishy] samm YOU deserve "this" too
[afallenangel] I have come a long way and have beaten my Ed and SI
[samm] yea - i know
[WantToHeal] And thank you for the coping the holidays page :)
[samm] i'm not saying that at all
[tallia] i mean, i know I havev a lot to offer if I can free my soul..but 'deserve' seems a strange word to me
[MrFishy] but YOU have to believe it....we can only hold your hand.
[fetskoli] OK, so I messed up this week. I'm pretty good despite the messup.
[samm] but i am starting my seperation now
[Casee] Yippee Fetskoli -and your grade is excellent!!
[Jazzy] I know I'm cared about .... and.... I'm fighting hard to do better and get better ..... so deserve to feel some reward from the work
[MrFishy] talli...then thats YOUR homework!
[samm] starting a new life and it seems redundant to read all this
[tallia] not sure what tho?
[MrFishy] samm....NEW isnt a bad thing!
[samm] ALONE is
[tallia] what's the homework?
[MrFishy] talli....to tell yourself ever HOUR you "deserve" something!
[MrFishy] get used to saying it and hearing it!
[Jazzy] wow...this is hard. I'm thinking of some things but it's diffiuclt...and even more difficult to actually type and share them
[samm] write it down too, tallia
[tallia] but that's the problem..'deserve'..that word..philosophically...have to wrap my brain around it
[MrFishy] jazzy....feels uncomfortable huh?
[samm] and when you lose site - you re read it
[MrFishy] talli.....throw the brain in the backseat for now...just get USED to it!
[tallia] why? why do I 'deserve' anything..lol
[camellia] tallia.... you deserve choice....
[tallia] lol @ the brain in the backseat
[WantToHeal] lol, this whole chat tonight has felt uncomfortable, but good lol
[MrFishy] jazzt...you got the "opposite" homework too :)
[tallia] ok..democracy I deserve lol
[Casee] Candy, yikes, perhaps I shouldn't have posted that. I do alot with child abuse issues and your reply prompted tht analogy.
[samm] tallia - why DON't you?
[tallia] human rights
[tallia] I deserve
[fetskoli] tallia, you deserve the best just cuz you're you.
[samm] why wouldn't you deserve it?
[Jazzy] heyyy! This is Thanksgiving break tho! ;)
[candylion] casee it's ok - but was toohard for me to reply
[Jazzy] but I'll give it a try :)
[SFishy] you all did really great tonight...
[MrFishy] I want ANYONE who I gave homework to ....to post about it in a few days on the boards!
[SFishy] and I know you can all find your OWN enjoyment through the holidays...
[afallenangel] thank you Amy or yet again a great chat
[Jazzy] okie dokie dominokie! :)
[SFishy] our holiday coping articles are already up on www.something-fishy.org
* fetskoli thinks: is off the hook in the homework department.
[MrFishy] careful now fets! :) hehehehehe
[SFishy] and there's a follow-up game to our chat tonight up on the bulletin board (in the FISHING FOR SUPPORT CHAT forum)
[MrFishy] plus....ANYONE can decide to give themselves the homework (hint hint)
[candylion] ok...Tony... i'll try, even if i don't do it sucessfully
[samm] right on tony
[SFishy] next month, we'll be having a virtual new year's eve party... a casual format... and you are all welcome to come
[MrFishy] candy...thats ALL we can EVER expect! :)
[samm] is it on Dec. 31st?
[tallia] lok..gotta go write down my freakin homework LOL..and I thought I finished with school..ten zillion degrees later (j/k)
[MrFishy] heheheh fets! :)
[MrFishy] you ALL did great tonight btw.....ESPECIALLY if it felt uncomfortable!
[afallenangel] yes it's on new year's eve
[MrFishy] you ALL get gold stars!
[SFishy] thank you all for coming tonight!
[camellia] thank you for having it ;)
[WantToHeal] thank you guys for the chat, you are very helpful
[Jazzy] thank you both too!!! :)
[tallia] not to sound stupid here..but question
[MrFishy] Thanks all...have a GREAT holiday tommorow (gobble gobble)
[SFishy] have a great thanksgiving for all who are celebrating tomorrow...
[afallenangel] you too
[tri_jp] thanks for the chat
* fetskoli passes out red smelly stickers. (strawberry!)
[tallia] exactly what am I supposed to do? LOL..write something I deserve or why?
[WantToHeal] happy thanksgiving
[tallia] or both?
[SFishy] remember that Tony and I are both thankful that YOU came to chat tonight and are working on making your life better for YOU!
[MrFishy] talli....tell youirself ever hour you deserve SOMETHING...anyhting....and in a few days....come back and tell us what you did and how you felkt about it :)
[afallenangel] thank you
[SFishy] don't forget to take care of YOU!
[Jazzy] Happy Thanksgiving all...may you all enjoy it with your families/friends, and make wonderful new traditions!!! :) Goodluck Candylion...you can do this... Love, Courtney/Jazzy :)
[samm] thanks for the night guys
[camellia] good night all... Happy T-day
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