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SFWED Live Chat for Support
Chat Support

Below you will find the list of available chat transcripts. Not ALL chat events are transcribed, but the majority of them are made available here. If you have a suggestion for a chat topic, send us e-mail.


Fishing for Support Chat -- NOVEMBER, 2001



[SFishy] okie dokie folks
[SFishy] lets run down the rules quick...

[MrFishy] here they come

[SFishy] all the same rules apply here as with the rest of the chats (and bulletin board)...
[SFishy] no numbers or "pro" talk is allowed
[SFishy] and this chat is aimed at moving towards recovery...
[SFishy] all we ever expect is that you TRY
[SFishy] tonight...
[SFishy] we are going to talk about...
[SFishy] ACCOUNTABILITY....
[SFishy] which kinda goes hand-in-hand with what we were talking about last month
[SFishy] (reclaiming your life)
[SFishy] of course...
[SFishy] to reclaim your life you have to own it... you have to accept responsibility for your own recovery...
[SFishy] not an easy task of course...
[SFishy] lets start with this question...
[SFishy] what do you think are some ways in which you HAVE NOT been accountable to yourself in the past?

[Kensington] i said binging was not my fault
[purple_tao] lying to myself
[harshreality] lying about my ED to my doctor
[Scam] hahaha
[Shuffleboard_Queen] lying to my parents
[purple_tao] lying to therapist
[poetballerina] blaming my actions on other people
[purple_tao] lying to family
[BlueStarr] lying to my friends...and myself
[kris] lying to everyone and myself about everything and anything
[Shuffleboard_Queen] hiding my actions
[purple_tao] lying to friends
[BlueStarr] placing blame
[harshreality] blaming failure on the ED
[raisin-girl] lying in general
[FroggyOne] what about not giving myself enough credit for my own recovery?
[spook] lying to myself by telling myself i didn't have an ED
[BlueStarr] hiding things
[pooh_bear_fan] telling porkies
[Shel] lying to everyone in general
[purple_tao] thinking "tomorrow" I'll quit
[Shuffleboard_Queen] hiding behind the ED
[harshreality] pretending emotions
[rainman] lying my parents..
[rainman] not being honest.
[kris] not using my voice
[Kensington] blamed others for my feelings of inadequacy
[purple_tao] believing ALWAYS tomorrow
[juliaf] not believing what others tell me and thinking everyone is just out to get me
[Scam] using my body instead of my voice
[raisin-girl] not trying, though I said I would
[Shuffleboard_Queen] putting on my mask every morning
[kris] not setting bounderies
[purple_tao] just giving in
[harshreality] blaming my parents when everything is self-imposed
[raisin-girl] doing nothing to stop myself
[Kensington] burying feelings, saying i dont have them
[purple_tao] saying f*ck it!!!!!
[harshreality] pretending to be trying
[spook] saying that i can't help it
[bub] yeah, i hear that one purple tao
[purple_tao] NOT to be trying
[rainman] lying myself!
[harshreality] blaming it on the ED...
[Shuffleboard_Queen] not worrying how I affect other people
[kris] saying i am fine to make my true self
[purple_tao] lying to everyone who cares
[harshreality] smile
[raisin-girl] not caring that my friendships were being affected
[purple_tao] ignoring my health
[Scam] looking for others to answer things instead of finding the answers ion myself
[harshreality] say "I'm fine" when people ask how you're eating
[FroggyOne] telling myself it wasn't bad enough or i wasn't sick enough to get any kind of help
[Shuffleboard_Queen] amen, froggy
[rainman] ignoring the people who love e.
[raisin-girl] ignore questions
[Shel] telling others that i was eating when i wasn't
[pooh_bear_fan] not opening up to people
[kris] amen froggy
[purple_tao] brainwashing myself to believe I'm not worth recovery
[FroggyOne] =)
[Shuffleboard_Queen] not giving a shit
[purple_tao] just flat out LYING
[rainman] not wishing to recover when I can..
[rainman] hiding into myself.
[purple_tao] being angry at everyone all the time

[SFishy] GREAT ANSWERS EVERYONE!!! VERY HONEST

[MrFishy] Good shares!
[MrFishy] One of the things
[MrFishy] that we saw alot of was
[MrFishy] lying.
[MrFishy] Lying to oneself
[MrFishy] lying to others

[SFishy] we've talked about the importance of honesty in recovery... not only honesty with others
[SFishy] but honesty with YOURSELVES...
[SFishy] think about your answers above...
[SFishy] and turn it around...
[SFishy] turn it into a way to be accountable to yourself and let me hear them :)

[pooh_bear_fan] opening up to others
[raisin-girl] telling the truth about how I'm feeling
[Shuffleboard_Queen] let myself make mistakes
[raisin-girl] lol tao
[Kensington] realize no matter how the ed started, only i am perpetuating it
[harshreality] saying "I'm not too great" when people ask
[purple_tao] telling myself I AM WORTHY OF RECOVERY
[AdriBabe] talking to my gf about my fears
[FroggyOne] giving myself credit for getting treatment
[harshreality] realize that I have choices
[kris] stop making excuses to avoid dealing with my issues and recovery
[purple_tao] eating when I'm hungry and not feeling guilty about it
[rainman] just facing the world like it is..
[spook] admitting that no matter how much i think i weigh i still have an ED
[harshreality] and the wonderful freedom to make them
[raisin-girl] trying very hard to choose recovery
[FroggyOne] deciding i'm worth making changes
[mooveover] realize that I don't always have to be or pretend to be perfect
[rainman] accepting myself like I am..
[AdriBabe] lean on others when they offer the help
[Scam] ealize that even though there may be 'issues' we are the only ones standing in our own way of overcoming them
[raisin-girl] trying to love myself
[FroggyOne] accepting my own mistakes
[Shuffleboard_Queen] let other people help me
[Kensington] telling someone when they have crossed my boundaries
[purple_tao] try to reach out to others with honesty about my health
[rainman] acceptin that I am a gifted person, no hiding myself into stupid ignarancy.
[bub] accepting my feelings no matter what
[AdriBabe] admitting to yourself that there really is a problem and you really do need help
[juliaf] to believe people when ithey tell me i look like hell and do somethiing about it not just think they are saying it to get one up on me. to realize that people do care and i am the one pushing them away because it is easier to be the victim
[raisin-girl] trying to be a better friend, for the sake of my friends
[purple_tao] learning to speak my mind -- the truth
[rainman] telling how much I love everyone..
[harshreality] being honest to myself
[Shuffleboard_Queen] love myself
[kris] to realize that i am my own person deservering of all the joys and sorrows that life has to offer with open arms and to live it and not let other stop me...
[harshreality] take responsibility...not just say "I'm sick"
[rainman] trying to ease myself..
[varmaflower] probably..stop keeping thing inside of me and to open up..and stop lieing and say thing are fine when thing arent?
[Scam] use our voices not our bodies
[Kensington] admitting when i have a slipup & figuring out why
[purple_tao] learn to accept ME
[Shuffleboard_Queen] stop blaming everything on the ED
[Scam] admit when we are hurting
[purple_tao] I am not a body - I am what's on the inside
[rainman] forgetting my egotic acttitudes.
[raisin-girl] trying to cope in positive ways before I use a negative way
[Shuffleboard_Queen] it's OK to be not OK
[purple_tao] to stop judging myself
[mooveover] i am not a bunch of numbers on a scale
[AdriBabe] accept you for who you are not what you see
[rainman] feeling comfort in myself..
[varmaflower] stop worryign about what other think
[Shel] realizing that i am more than just a 'body'
[bub] breathing
[Shuffleboard_Queen] just let myself be
[purple_tao] I AM GREAT!!!!! I AM NOT A FRICKIN NUMBER
[FroggyOne] trusting my own judgements
[Shuffleboard_Queen] another amen, froggy
[spook] taking responsibility for taking care of my body, mind, and soul
[FroggyOne] =)

[MrFishy] Awesome!

[SFishy] AWESOME ANSWERS ALL!
[SFishy] accepting responsibility... being accountable... can be a hard thing to do...
[SFishy] and it's important to know the difference between making ourselves accountable...
[SFishy] and just "blaming ourselves"
[SFishy] or ending up feeling guilty

[MrFishy] definately

[SFishy] guilt and self-blame are not productive feelings and get us no where...
[SFishy] we must turn guilt into accountability...
[SFishy] and self-blame into responsibility...
[SFishy] and learn to see the difference!
[SFishy] Let me hear you explain the difference between self-blame/guilt and accountability/responsibility!

[spook] i have no idea
[Kensington] guilt is non productive, accountability is
[kris] you know what - i havent a cluw the difference between any of them
[raisin-girl] I'm at a loss too.
[harshreality] guilt hurts you..
[AdriBabe] uhh i dunno either
[harshreality] accountability strengthsens and matures you

* MrFishy says...saying you dodnt have a clue is allowed!

[Kensington] blaming oneself in an "i suck" way is another excuse not to try
[Shuffleboard_Queen] accountability allows for improvement, guilt doesn't
[FroggyOne] i don't have a clue
[FroggyOne] =)
[varmaflower] um..blaming myslef for what I did at college..accountablility is realizing I have a problem and decided to see help?
[Shuffleboard_Queen] ditto for responsibility
* AdriBabe thinks: good i aint gotta clue
[raisin-girl] ok....I DON'T HAVE A CLUE
[Scam] one is taking action the other is being passive???
[Kensington] saying "i can change cuz i am responsible for me" is accountability

[SFishy] yes varma!

[rainman] no facing reality..
[juliaf] blaming myself for things that i have brought on myself, but acting on it and doing something producitve about it
[bub] guilt is hopeless and chokes you, responsibility is positive and opens you up to possibilities
[rainman] hiding head undre our wing.
[Shuffleboard_Queen] responsibility allows you to take action (thanks, julia!)
[birdsong] guilt is an ending, accountability is the beginning
[kris] still lost.... sorry
[rainman] Guit is selfish, responsability is mature..
[Kensington] self blame is "i can't help it" - accountability is recognizing you CAN help it
[purple_tao] damn whispering............
[bub] right on birdsong
[Scam] one is reaching for recovery the other is reaching for the ed.
[spook] still feeling pretty lost on this one
[purple_tao] saying "it's the holidays" for an excuse to hurting our bodies
[rainman] guilt si childish, responsalibity is enlightment.
[buggie] guilt leads you further into the ed...continues the cycle.....accountability and responsiblity cause you to deal with it healthier
[purple_tao] using stress as a reason to raid the fridge
[Shuffleboard_Queen] accountability and responsibility allow us to focus on thefuture, guilt and blame only on the past
[purple_tao] when not really looking at the reasons
[marleigh] I cant seem to abstain on a daily basis for any length of time
[juliaf] to feel guilty initially, but not to wallow in the guilt, but rather to move on get past it and do something about it...i am so grasping at straws with this one =)
[AdriBabe] uhh just a shot in the dark...guilt gets you no where but accountablity gets you everywhere
[rainman] guilt is wondering why me, responsability is telling I admit it, I can do it better no looking back.
[rainman] guilt is the past, responsability is a bright future
[Scam] pity party/living party

* SFishy says: by george I think they've got it :P~

[MrFishy] Awesome working it out all!

[SFishy] very good answers everyone
[SFishy] very simply put...
[SFishy] guilt is about feeling "woah-is-me" -- feeling bad -- feeling sad -- a pity party...
[SFishy] accountability is about saying "ok, this is where I am RIGHT NOW... so what am I going to do about it???" -- accountable lets you take a healthy control of the situation
[SFishy] guilt = feeling powerless
[SFishy] accountability = feeling powerful

[MrFishy] I talk alot on the boards
[MrFishy] about getting from point A to point B
[MrFishy] im sure at times
[MrFishy] we find ourselves going from point A back to pointA
[MrFishy] NOT taking responsibility for certain things and
[MrFishy] NOT holding accountability leads to this cycle

[SFishy] feeling guilty just gives us the excuse to go back to point A
[SFishy] taking responsibility and making ourselves accountable gives us the TOOLS to try to move to point B
[MrFishy] Answer me this...
[MrFishy] Lets say I just got sent to jail for stealing...
[MrFishy] give me ways that I cxan hold myself responsible and accountable to lead to a positve outcome
[MrFishy] as opposed to feeling guilty
[MrFishy] and having a 2 year pity party?

[Kensington] admit you did it, figure out why you did it, what result you thought you'd get it & how you can get that result in a healthy way
[purple_tao] admit you did wrong
[AdriBabe] apologize to ther person you stole from
[Shuffleboard_Queen] volunteer
[kris] ditto kensy
[varmaflower] take a class in shoplifting
[Scam] make some nifty friends in jail :P
[Shuffleboard_Queen] help other people who have stealing problems
[Kensington] don't say why you 'couldn't help' stealing
[juliaf] admit that you did it, take whatever action you need to amend the situation, then once you are free learn from it and put it behind you
[rainman] looking sat the future instead of leaving the past..
[purple_tao] visit poor/homeless people.
[Shuffleboard_Queen] find a new hobby/something else to do
[purple_tao] work in a shelter.
[kris] have a plan for yourself to keep you from being tempted to steal again
[Kensington] ask yourself how the person you stole from views your actions
[purple_tao] realize you don't NEED everything yous ee
[varmaflower] understand where stealing got you and what you can do not to steal or get back in that place..**confusing..I know*
[rainman] trying to make things better not blaming anyone for something wrong...
[Shuffleboard_Queen] learn from your mistakes
[varmaflower] have someone go with you to the store and watch you so you don't steal again
[Kensington] realize what energy you put out in your life will always come back to you, good or bad
[rainman] seeing we r not indispensables, just part of the whole..
[Scam] realize you screwed up and now you are paying the consequences
[purple_tao] work off your debt to the person you stole from
[harshreality] realize your mistake and LEARN from it
[purple_tao] FESS UP
[raisin-girl] totally rehabilitate before you get out into society again
[rainman] staying alive, because other need us, and that is responsable, for our lieves and others sake.
[purple_tao] see yourself for what you are : A THIEF
[varmaflower] I would be embarrasse if I ever stole antying or got in that situation..and I would move to atnoehter place
[varmaflower] to start over
[Shuffleboard_Queen] putting the energy from stealing into something positive for yourself/others
[purple_tao] But....... you can change!!!
[Shel] figure out why you did it in the first place..
[Scam] stay away from the guy named Brutus :P
[bub] admit that you're human and have issues to work out
[Kensington] recognize you can end back up in jail if you dont change & it is STILL your fault
[purple_tao] and be an honest person in society
[raisin-girl] lol scam

[MrFishy] good answers

[SFishy] good answers all...
[SFishy] think about this...
[SFishy] If I get caught stealing and go to jail I have two options...
[SFishy] I could spend 3 years in jail feeling sorry for myself... feeling guilty about what I did... saying "woah-is-me, look at what a f*ck-up I am"
[SFishy] or...
[SFishy] I could spend 3 years in jail saying "okay, I screwed up big-time... now what I am I going to do to turn my life around"
[SFishy] take some courses (if offered)
[SFishy] utilize the tools available to me (therapy, library, legal services)
[SFishy] and make a plan for how to be a non-stealing individual when I get out in three years

[MrFishy] what is done is done
[MrFishy] period.
[MrFishy] what will be
[MrFishy] well
[MrFishy] guess what
[MrFishy] that book isnt written yet.
[MrFishy] Each person gets to write theyre own page
[MrFishy] Point A to point b

[SFishy] of course...
[SFishy] it's also important to understand the things you ARE NOT accountable for...
[SFishy] because making yourself accountable for OTHER people's actions is never healthy...
[SFishy] what types of things are you NOT accountable for... or... what types of things have you made yourself accountable for that really were not your responsibility???

[Shuffleboard_Queen] how other people treat me
[Shuffleboard_Queen] and what they think of me
[AdriBabe] other people telling you how "fat" you are

[MrFishy] good answer

[bub] my ex boyfriend's well being
[harshreality] my parent's ideas
[raisin-girl] my friend's e.d.
[juliaf] my parents well being and happiness
[Shuffleboard_Queen] if I am liked by everyone
[spook] i am not responsible for the natural size, shape, and weight of my body
[purple_tao] what in-laws say about my appearance
[kris] my dads expetations of me when i am adult and should be in charge of my own life and decisions
[juliaf] what other people think about me
[harshreality] what people think of me
[harshreality] lol..
[buggie] your family feeling like you let them down and give the family a bad name by 'coming out' with your ed
[purple_tao] how I'm always comparing myself to everyone in stores
[varmaflower] what other think of me
[Shuffleboard_Queen] whether other people are satisfied with your achievements
[jenya] their emotions, thoughts, etc
[lidia] what my coach says to me about being too fat to perform well
[raisin-girl] anytime an authority figure is out of line, rude, etc.
[rainman] I am responsible of everybody's well being inc
[rainman] including myself.
[Shuffleboard_Queen] making everyone happy (except for me)
[AdriBabe] other peoples happiness by making yourself "better" for them
[juliaf] trying to make my family perfect
[harshreality] being happy for othrers all the time
[bub] people's reactions when i tell them the truth
[rainman] If I am healthy, everybody will be as well, or much much better.
[harshreality] making my family american
[varmaflower] everyone blaming me for hurting them and embarrassing them??
[raisin-girl] trying to keep people away from conflict
[lidia] trying to please everyone
[purple_tao] mother-in-law asking "have you eaten today????"
[harshreality] everyone ele's thoughts about me
[Shuffleboard_Queen] keeping the peace
[purple_tao] in-law's opinions
[AdriBabe] the all to wonderful fake smile because after all a smile is what makes or breaks you
[purple_tao] always being the one to say "yes" "I'll do that"
[mickymouse] why should any of these matter?
[rainman] parents telling I wasn't good enough when I was the best of all!

[SFishy] ARE YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYONE ELSES RECOVERY????

[Kensington] HELL NO
[varmaflower] NO
[Scam] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[jenya] fuck no
[kris] no
[purple_tao] no working on ME
[mickymouse] no I am not.
[mickymouse] Just my own.
[juliaf] how everyone was holding up after my sister died and trying to let no one take the blame
[Scam] I'm my number one priority
[raisin-girl] No, but I felt responsible for my friend's at one point. That was bad.
[purple_tao] ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME
[varmaflower] NO WAy, I couldn't even make them recovery if they didn't want to recovery
[bub] the state of the world
[pooh_bear_fan] mine ishard enought
[purple_tao] YEAH, POOH!
[rainman] being the bind where eveyrbody wasa dropping their shit!
[jenya] dishonors and disempowers them if i take responsibility for their recovery
[harshreality] but I"m sooo selfish....my parents tell me that, my therapist even tells me that
[varmaflower] I only work on ME
[purple_tao] harsh is not selfish!
[bub] you;re not responsible for what they say
[kris] realizing that i cant change and assume others feelings for me will stay stable *sighs* my heart was just ripped out
[bub] only what you do

[SFishy] ARE YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR SOLVING EVERYONE ELSES PROBLEMS???

[purple_tao] HECK NO
[Kensington] NOOO
[Scam] no
[purple_tao] I have enough of my own problems, thank you very much
[mickymouse] no we are not.
[raisin-girl] I feel like I am sometimes...but NO
[pooh_bear_fan] no, again mine are hard enough
[varmaflower] Har, my parent used to say to me, "you dn't think about anytone but yourself" and if you thought of us..you would have known your ed owuld hurt us
[AdriBabe] number one priority is me...then support anybody else that i can
[rainman] my mother alweays acused me of being selfish when I gave them all even almost my life for making them happy..
[jenya] lol no what do you think i am god? ;)
[harshreality] ty...I just don't know.
[purple_tao] We have to be number one
[juliaf] no but it definately feels like it at times
[varmaflower] who me? I am not a therapy..but I could help them slove their problem..I could help but not do it for them
[rainman] And now I have to forgive them because I cannot make them unhappy!
[purple_tao] we must take care of ourselves first
[varmaflower] well said, purple
[purple_tao] :) ty
[harshreality] rainman-you're awesome
[AdriBabe] help yes take full responsibilty no
[purple_tao] (((big stupid grin on my face))
[rainman] we are the first thing in the world, because nothing can work fine when we are not ok..

[MrFishy] ARE YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYONES HAPPINESS?

[purple_tao] no
[Kensington] HELL NO
[mickymouse] Yes if you try to take on everyones problems then you are doing their work for them.
[Shuffleboard_Queen] no
[varmaflower] YEs and no...
[harshreality] no...
[kris] sure - why not
[Kensington] no, varma, not at all
[AdriBabe] when i cant even make myself happy at times????
[Scam] not everyones....
[purple_tao] I like making people happy and laughing, tho
[pooh_bear_fan] ummmm
[lidia] sometimes i think we are
[mickymouse] NO NO NO NONONONONNONONONO
[raisin-girl] No...but I feel that I am, esp with loved ones
[juliaf] no but i should not contribute to thier unhappiness either
[buggie] no.....but you do gotta do your part and not make try to make them miserable either!
[varmaflower] well, I have to be nice to them..but no I can't keep them happy
[purple_tao] I'm not responsible, but it's nice to do it
[rainman] I AM RESPONSIBLE OF EVERYONE HAPPINESS! THAT IS MY BLOODY TRAINING!
[spook] i am not responsible for everyone's happiness, but i can certainly affect it
[jenya] no but it is my responsibility to be open to feedback as to how i impact those around me
[Shuffleboard_Queen] amen spook!

[SFishy] you can LIKE to make people happy without bearing that RESPONSIBILITY!! big difference

[MrFishy] MAJOR difference

[purple_tao] I like making people laugh :)
[Kensington] you can make others happy in a responsible way, but you don't owe everyone their happiness
[pooh_bear_fan] not sure about that one???
[varmaflower] I agree iwth spook, tha tis what I meant
[purple_tao] I like seeing people happy
[mickymouse] What are the differneces Fishee?

[MrFishy] bingo kens!
[rainman] I love making people happy.
[purple_tao] :)
[harshreality] good point!
[raisin-girl] If I upset people, it's such a trigger. :(
[rainman] I like working for no money, just for people happiness. people in need.!
[juliaf] things being just so with everyone brings me happiness so at times yes it feels like i have to make them happy so i can be happy and things can be just so
[purple_tao] but, if we say something "happy" and it doesn't "work", that's their problem, not ours
[Scam] exactly purp

[SFishy] someone happiness can NOT rely on YOU... it comes from within... so you can enjoy making people laugh and having good realtionships... but you are not RESPONSIBLE to make them a happy person

[varmaflower] the differnet it..doing stuff to make them happy.while making you unhappy and being responsible for them..2.be responsible for your action and try not to hurt other such as being harsh to them..
[birdsong] I guess i feel that if i can MAKE ither people happy, then I can glean some of their happiness for myself


[MrFishy] interesting....anyone see the point A to point A thinking?

[Kensington] yep
[rainman] yes... u r right..
[kris] i didnt get past the 1st point a yet....
[AdriBabe] when i can make myself happy....then i'll worry about helping others get themselves happy
[rainman] sorry.. (Crying). that is true!
[Scam] accepting responsibility for your own actions
[Shuffleboard_Queen] we can't make other people happy, so we can't be happy ourselves
[varmaflower] sorry I was confuse back there and couldnt' put what I want to say in words
[juliaf] =(
[bub] it's like if someone is trying to make you happy by calling you - it doesn't always work
[Kensington] it's saying "i'm not responsible for others happiness BUT ...." the but is going back to point A

[SFishy] well put Kensington

[varmaflower] point A will be like getting nowwhere
[bub] no one else is responsible for making you happy
[rainman] but we can always help?

[SFishy] another good point bub

[juliaf] thanks for the clarification kensington
[bub] so you're not responsible for making others happy
[Shuffleboard_Queen] it's making excuses to stay the way we are
[purple_tao] don't work on others' happiness before your own. Ours comes first.
[varmaflower] wow..Ken
[Shuffleboard_Queen] the best way to make other people happy is to be happy yourself
* AdriBabe thinks: kens is on a roll
[Shuffleboard_Queen] but that doesn't mean your responsible for it, either
[Scam] brb
[purple_tao] and if you're not happy, don't be a FAKE. it's okay to not be happy once in a while.
[varmaflower] we make ourself happy..and whetever tha tperson is happy with us or not, that is their problem. cool..I never thought of it that way
[pooh_bear_fan] people dont like unhappy people though
[rainman] buddish philosophy say that. u first, after ill happiness to all will come..
[purple_tao] Our own happiness MUST come from within. No externals.

[SFishy] GREAT SHARING EVERYONE!


[MrFishy] i would like to pat you all on the back

[MrFishy] i think alot of you may hvae suddenly seen the A to A cycle

[SFishy] I think it's important for all of us to have an action to take...
[SFishy] something concrete to do...
[SFishy] INSTEAD of just "feeling guilty" or making excuses
[SFishy] We've mentioned "stop, swap and console" a bunch of times in the last month...
[SFishy] can anyone give some example of how stop, swap and console works in this kind of situation???

[purple_tao] think about our actions BEFORE doing them
[Kensington] when we feel like going back to point A, stop, swap out the fake emotion for the real one
[rainman] thinking twice wha to do!
[AdriBabe] i read it but dont remember it lol
[harshreality] stop and think b/t actions...thoughts
[kris] i am so confused....
[rainman] not thinking my from inside, just acting from outside..
[purple_tao] figure out what's really bothering us and replace the emotion with a healthier outlet

[SFishy] Lets review STOP, SWAP and CONSOLE first...
[SFishy] STOP what you're doing. Calm your thoughts. Try to identify what you're feeling. Ground yourself in the now and say STOP in your mind. Visualize a stop sign
[SFishy] .....
[SFishy] SWAP things in your mind. Think about someone you care about... "would my loved-one deserve to feel guilty in this situation?"; "Would I want a loved-one to act on this impulse?";
[SFishy] "Would I exercise compassion if my loved-one was feeling this way?" Now swap again. Remind yourself that YOU deserve as much patience and compassion that you believe a loved-one deserves.
[SFishy] You ARE a loved-one to yourself... so you should treat yourself accordingly!
[SFishy] .....
[SFishy] CONSOLE yourself. Take care of YOU. Give yourself comfort. Journal if you have to. Call your therapist or someone you trust and ask for help.
[SFishy] Address your feelings. Communicate what you're feeling... really feeling. Validate yourself. Help yourself to cope in more healthy and productive ways.
[SFishy] .....
[SFishy] so now....
[SFishy] lets assume you are going through a really tough time...
[SFishy] and are tempted to engage in an ED behavior...
[SFishy] or you HAVE engaged in an ED behavior...
[SFishy] how can STOP SWAP and CONSOLE help???

[Kensington] k, when i feel "i suck & i'll never get better", stop that feeling, pretend someone i love said that, then do something responsible to lift myself out of a hopeless feeling instead of being mired in it
[purple_tao] come here to vent when PISSED OFF AT THE WORLD
[Shuffleboard_Queen] ask yourself how you would help a friend in the same situation
[Scam] when I'm mad or upset instead of internalizing those feelings on me...take a minute...ask myself where this is gonna get me by keeping it in and then go tell whoever that I am hurting and why...and then smack hubby around a bit...muhahahah
[kris] i still dont get is - *cries* -
[AdriBabe] lol that sounds like what i would do tao
[bub] take deep breaths
[Kensington] kris, if you were gonna binge or something, STOP being down on yourself, SWAP & pretend a friend told you she was worthless & gonna binge & realize EVERYONE deserves to be treated right, the CONSOLE yourself by seeking help in a responsible way
[bub] say aloud or write where i've been where i am where i can go
[bub] yeah kens!
[mooveover] try to slow down my mind...think for a minute
[bub] you rock!
[Shuffleboard_Queen] do something nice to myself to change the yucky feelings to good ones
[AdriBabe] come online and pray to god my girlfriend is online so i can vent to her....if she isnt call her at home...anything to get what is wrong out in the open
[rainman] just I will sit down touching ground and saying, this is now right here. I will think after colling down which action I am going to take and I wll act in consequence looking at the future.
[kris] ok - that helps kensy - i needed to see someone else put it into 'practice' to get it
[juliaf] my solution to everything is to go for a long run =( not to good at impulse control yet
[varmaflower] I am still learning it..but umm..I owuld jsut calm down and remind myself how far I have come or how far I am in recovery and remind myself that I can't givee up now. Console, chat with friends
[mooveover] journal
[purple_tao] yes, looking back on how far I've come. I'm worth it!

[MrFishy] good answers all!

[SFishy] julia: visualizing the stop sign can help with that!

[varmaflower] journal is good..especially writing poem
[rainman] stop my mind. let the brain to work in other way than an ED, in something real, I wll work in that reality accordingly with the world. * AdriBabe thinks: grrrr cant get the cap off my water...sorry
[harshreality] stop, sit, and stare for a few minutes
[purple_tao] JAM OUT TO LOUD ROCK MUSIC
[Kensington] the STOP part helps ground us, so we don't fall into thee same old cycle
[mooveover] thinking about my goals in life
[juliaf] thanks SFishy
[bub] yeah purp!
[kris] ok - this isnt hard - did it tonight... i wanted to cut - so i got online and chatted with friends about things i can work on trying to do instead of just holding them back at arms length
[rainman] yoga is good for all of it..
[purple_tao] Dance around (nude is good!!)
[jenya] Julia: if visualizing doesn't work.... try drawing one to start

[MrFishy] kris...THERE ya go!
[rainman] meditation, stopping myself for 1 sec. Journal!
[Kensington] yay kris!
[Scam] naked is great!
[Shuffleboard_Queen] get a reality check from a friend
[purple_tao] (make sure windows are closed)
[kris] and it felt good... is that about the jist?
[AdriBabe] bingo kris YAAHHHH

[SFishy] awesome suggestion jenya

[harshreality] go kris!!
[kris] danke Mr Fishee
[varmaflower] lol
[juliaf] thanks jenya i may actually need to do that!
[Scam] or open if that's what youlike...hahaha
[kris] cant break my 11 month recond *hops about*
[juliaf] awesome suggestion!
[Kensington] using crayons always grounds me
[purple_tao] Remember that I am not a number.
[jenya] it works... and it occupies hand and takes a few minutes... allows myself to focus and calm down
[varmaflower] Kris, you are 11 months purge free?
[juliaf] lord knows that would be oe messy stop sign hehe
[kris] cut free
[varmaflower] or do you mean 11 month in reco very:?
[soccermom] goodbye

[SFishy] pat yourself on the back Kris

[rainman] having a deep breath before anything else..
[kris] *pat pat*
[jenya] np btw julia :)
[FroggyOne] alrighty...tc
[AdriBabe] going on a week myself kris awesome job

[MrFishy] good shares!

[SFishy] great sharing again everyone
[SFishy] we're going to do one more question regarding this topic and then we are going to switch gears a bit...
[SFishy] I like to hear from all of you...
[SFishy] what your plan will be now... to help yourself learn to accept accountability without feeling guilty... and what steps you can take to stay productive in recovery... help each other with this one if you have to!

[Shuffleboard_Queen] forgive myself
[purple_tao] learn to love me
[kris] ummmm......
[purple_tao] for who I am not what I look like
[AdriBabe] love myself for who i am not what i THINK i see
[Shuffleboard_Queen] let myself be "not perfect"
[purple_tao] talk to my friends when depressed
[rainman] just forgetting that weird pain which only lives in the past... and taking the future from now..
[Shuffleboard_Queen] love myself as I am, not what I should be
[mooveover] accept aches and pains
[Scam] use my voice, use my voice, use my voice
[zooky] accept things for what they are
[kris] to not hide behind my "I'm fine" attitude and use my voice more often
[purple_tao] learn to say NO
[varmaflower] learn to move on.
[Kensington] remind myself that i've come way too far now to ever turn back
[mooveover] don't look back

* SFishy reminds everyone that simple answers are okay... like "next time I'm feeling guilty I will draw a stopsign"

[AdriBabe] repeat myself if i have to
[rainman] looking the posobibilties of now, and now the memories of the past.
[jenya] LOL
[purple_tao] realize that I can't please everyone all the freaking TIME
[kris] SFishy - i would actually do that too - scary - huh?
[AdriBabe] please me before anybody else
[mooveover] good one
[purple_tao] Adri!!! Draw on your hand girl!
[rainman] telling everyone ((room)) no hiding away myself!
[bub] when those yucky thoughts come draw a purple cirle on my hand

[SFishy] not at all kris... we do what we HAVE TO that helps US!

[Kensington] drawing is art therapy - it's always good!
[AdriBabe] i already do tao LOL
[Scam] next time I'm in a bad mood I will not take itout on me instead I will smack my husbadn...joke.
[Scam] kidding
[juliaf] Draw that stop sign or a couple maybe to delay myself from running
[purple_tao] :)
[Shuffleboard_Queen] pamper myself when I'm getting hard on myself (bubble bath, manicure, etc)
[harshreality] lol...I'll do something nie for me
[purple_tao] Tape up a giant STOP SIGN on my fridge
[kris] *wonders if she can get away with it at work too*
[AdriBabe] spoil myself for doing good
[harshreality] go running...it's sooo destressing
[Kensington] go to the recovery aquarium boards and answer some of the assignments
[varmaflower] next time I am feeling guilty, I will write poem base on what I am feeling at the moment :)
[purple_tao] massage....queenie.....massage!!!!!
[AdriBabe] ohhhhh yeah tao i'm game lol
[birdsong] I will reach out to someone, try to preoccupy myself
[kris] to not let work walk over me and to say when i do need a day off to not let them bully me into working it
[mooveover] it is okay to be alone
[rainman] Just now doing bc I am not native english speaker but I think I manage.!
[purple_tao] I will sing and dance more and be happy just being ME
[juliaf] maybe just run to the nearest stop sign and sit and think for a few about what has got me resorting to this =)
[varmaflower] running is good so I might do that next time to remind myself that I will still make it to the Olympic
[AdriBabe] please me baby please MEEEEEE
[purple_tao] take a picture of me standing against a STOP SIGN
[Shuffleboard_Queen] ask myself why I am feeling guilty, and scribble the guilt out of me and onto paper
[bub] hehe i like that tao
[purple_tao] and carry it around with me
[rainman] meeting me counsellor tomorrow no feeling bad just happy of getting help!
[AdriBabe] i can sooo see you doing that tao
[birdsong] Analyze my "feelings list" and try to decide what I am FEELING
[bub] trace a stop sign with my foot on the floor
[kris] to realize that i am not responsible for lexi's daddy disappearing but and thionk opf the things we can do together as mom and daughter
[Shuffleboard_Queen] cuddle a pet/stuffed animal
[AdriBabe] gimme a great big HUG
[varmaflower] I will probably hold my bear in my arm close to my heart and tell myself everything is going to be fine

[MrFishy] good answers!

[SFishy] great answerse everyone...
[SFishy] don't forget we'll have a follow-up game on the bulletin board in little while about accountability :)

[SFishy] right now though...
[SFishy] I want to switch gears a tad...
[SFishy] the holidays are coming...
[SFishy] and this can be a stressful time for everyone...
[SFishy] it can also be a wonderful time!
[SFishy] in each of us...
[SFishy] there is always a child...
[SFishy] the one that likes to have fun and play... the one that needs hugging and caring for...
[SFishy] for christmas this year...
[SFishy] I'd like to hear about the kid inside you... what does your inner child want for christmas/hanukka/kwanza/etc.???
[SFishy] It can be simple like a nifty toy... or something goal oriented... completely up to you!

[Kensington] a horsey!
[bub] hugs and kisses!
[Shuffleboard_Queen] a big tickle!
[pntdturtle] i want flute lessons
[kris] a new pair of ice skates and a new winter coatt
[AdriBabe] SOCCER GAME
[purple_tao] play do
[Kensington] a piano
[zooky] one of those nift y scooters they have a t walmart
[bub] play drums
[kris] piano and dance lessons
[purple_tao] paint with my finger kit
[Shuffleboard_Queen] stuffed animals!
[pntdturtle] a puppy
[mred] i want to get away
[Kensington] barbies & new clothes for em
[AdriBabe] my kid in me wants to play soccer again soooooooo bad
[bub] kitties!
[kris] PLAY DO
[juliaf] the homeless dog on my street (won't get) so i will settle for going to mass with people i love and visiting a friend for new years
[buggie] a power wheels
[Scam] my daughter to actaully sleep in her own bed all nite long :P
[purple_tao] purple glitter hair spray!!!!!!
[AdriBabe] lol scam
[Kensington] chocolate!
[varmaflower] candy in stocking and toy from santa Clause
[purple_tao] My daughter to not barf on me for ONE DAY
[varmaflower] dolls and bear
[FroggyOne] trek bike...just like armstrong's =)
[AdriBabe] ewwwww tao
[kris] a Cabbage Patch Doll
[purple_tao] yeah, right!!!
[purple_tao] a hula hoop!!
[AdriBabe] anything soccer or tigger GOTTA have it
[Kensington] a happy family day where no one fights
[varmaflower] I got that already..CAbage patch doll
[kris] a Jump rope and yo-yo
[AdriBabe] gotta say it....
[kris] *jealous*
[juliaf] im with you on that one kensington
[Scam] son to be potty trained with no effort
[buggie] to be free again
[Scam] I'm easy to please
[zooky] stationary, love stationay
[kris] ditto that one buggie
[purple_tao] puppy housebroken
[AdriBabe] all i want for x-mas is my two front teeth....lol
[birdsong] peace
[Shuffleboard_Queen] to not obsess about food for one day
[kris] to have J actually call and wish lexi a merry christmas
[rainman] he wanna go back to ireland to spend christmas with friends!
[varmaflower] a running track in my backyard..no kI am not crazy
[mred] To find a place where people understand me
[birdsong] peace in myself, peace in the world
[varmaflower] I want to tree house
[pntdturtle] i want to be able to actually enjoy the meal with my family
[mooveover] to graduate
[rainman] to play again with toys!
[zooky] for it not to snow here
[pntdturtle] SNOW!
[purple_tao] roller blades to cruise around in (after the snow is gone of course)
[Scam] for it to snow HERE
[mooveover] warm weather
[Kensington] ooh yeah, snow!!!
[AdriBabe] to have my knee fixxed good enough to be able to run and play again with no pain
[purple_tao] more SNOW!!
[rainman] to be the child I could not be!
[zooky] you can have my snow then
[kris] a Lacrosse stick :)
[purple_tao] can never have enough snow
[Kensington] to still believe in santa for one nite
[buggie] to have good health
[kris] SNOW - i want SNOW instead of this RAIN
[varmaflower] I want to see ghost again like I use to when I was little..there were nice ghost. (I am not joking)
[juliaf] to have one more day with my little sister
[AdriBabe] this will by my FIRST year SEEING snow
[Shuffleboard_Queen] to believe in magic once more
[rainman] too see all well!
[purple_tao] kris - we must live in the same place. sick of rain......want S N O W
[kris] to get so excitited about what will be under the tree that i cant sleep
[lidia] to be happy
[kris] upstate NY?
[pntdturtle] raining here too
[varmaflower] I want to be 5 years old again before I lose my hearing
[zooky] you guys better ask for a snow blower than
[purple_tao] Wisconsin
[kris] already have one!
[varmaflower] I want my hearing back..and all of them
[Scam] that I want to get up at 5am and be happy about it :)
[varmaflower] slede
[purple_tao] gotta have snow blowers!!
[varmaflower] My LIttle Pony..
[bub] to cuddle with someone
[AdriBabe] TIGGER
[purple_tao] to see my daughter's face light up Christmas morning (and to understand what's going on)
[kris] yeah... to have someone there...
[lidia] to smile
[rainman] I nice war of snow's balls!!!
[rainman] hehe
[Shuffleboard_Queen] to be told I am loved
[varmaflower] snow
[Scam] diamond ring..hahah
[AdriBabe] lol
[kris] flannel sheets
[varmaflower] oh..
[buggie] lol

[SFishy] okay all...
[SFishy] you have homework :P

[MrFishy] AWESOME!!!!!! Ho Ho Ho
[MrFishy] Ho Ho Homework!

[SFishy] what you do is this...
[SFishy] look at what you said you wanted...
[SFishy] you can write a letter to yourself... or a letter to Santa... (is there a hanukka fairy?)....
[SFishy] you put what you want on that letter...
[SFishy] you wrap the letter up in a pretty box...
[SFishy] with paper and bows
[SFishy] and you put it under your x-mas tree... or where you keep the gifts...
[SFishy] and on your special day... the day you open gifts depending on your religious beliefs...
[SFishy] you get to open up your special present to yourself, and remind yourself of the nice things you want and deserve!
[SFishy] feel free to buy yourself anything from your list as well, if it's something tangible you can buy from a store!
[SFishy] and if your holiday wish is more goal oriented...
[SFishy] then think about the things you need to do to get that special gift
[SFishy] now...
[SFishy] as we end each chat...
[SFishy] I want to hear your affirmations!

[kris] i cant do that - my family with think i am NUTS

[SFishy] you CAN Kris... do it in private if you can't do it in front of your family!

[MrFishy] SCREAM THEM AFFIRMATIONS!!!

[SFishy] so I wanna hear why you love yourself!

* purple_tao thinks: I FREAKIN RULE!!!!!
[Shuffleboard_Queen] i have moxy!

[SFishy] why you deserve to recover!

[Scam] I AM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Kensington] i'm doing really well in therapy & improving my life!
[purple_tao] I'M SICK OF BEING SICK!!!
[varmaflower] ME!!!
[Scam] I AM AWESOME
[Kensington] I AM WORTHY!
[Shuffleboard_Queen] i am getting help!!!

[MrFishy] YELL

[purple_tao] I DESERVE BUBBLE BATHS!!!
[kris] cause i made it 11 months without cutting (just this past week) i can make it in recoverying from a ED to then
[AdriBabe] RECOVERY HERE I AM
[bub] I deserve to give myself love
[Scam] I AM WORTH IT
[purple_tao] AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
[rainman] I am very intelligent!
[Kensington] I GOT THRU THANKSGIVING WITHOUT BINGING!!!!!!
[rainman] I can cope with everything!
[varmaflower] MY FUTURE, MY DREAM, MY ACCOMPLISHMENT
[Shuffleboard_Queen] I am enough
[purple_tao] Fantastical!
[kris] nay - let them think i am nuts - LOL - i deserve it - right?
[juliaf] because i have a lot of hiden potential in life that i can do something with
[bub] I am woman, hear me roar!
[Kensington] I AM WRITING AGAIN
[varmaflower] JUST ME!!!
[purple_tao] I AM NOT ENOUGH!! I AM MORE!!!!!
[AdriBabe] i've already started recovery.....to late to turn back now...not that i want to
[rainman] I don't need the ED..
[purple_tao] SMACK SMACK SMACK
[Kensington] I'M KENSY DAMNIT!
[Scam] LMAO
[purple_tao] ***** SMACK *****
[rainman] I needd myself right now!
[bub] I'm alive! I love life!
[Shuffleboard_Queen] I'm better than the ED
[Scam] LIFE IS WORTH LIVING
[varmaflower] I AM TOO SPECIAL TO GIVE UP RECOVERY
[purple_tao] I'M IN RECOVERY......GET THE HELL OUTTA MY WAY
[juliaf] thanks for the chat SFishy and MrFishy
[AdriBabe] I AM ME LIKE IT OR NOT
[rainman] ED is powerless.
[buggie] lol....tao

[MrFishy] scam.....slap me with an affirmation!!!

[Scam] I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROOOAR
[Scam] SLAP
[Kensington] I REMEMBERED THE CHAT & SHOWED UP & FEEL GOOD!
[AdriBabe] LOL
* purple_tao thinks: NO STOPPING ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[kris] cause truely great people know how precious life is... and we are all great people
[rainman] :D
[varmaflower] ME, TOO KENSING
[AdriBabe] THIS IS WHO I AM YOU CANT CHANGE ME
[Scam] I CAN WIN
[Scam] I WILL WIN

[MrFishy] KEEP UM COMMIN

[Scam] I AM WINNING
[varmaflower] MY BODY
[rainman] U r a winner Scam!
[Scam] lmao
[Shuffleboard_Queen] NO ONE ELSE CAN BE ME
[varmaflower] HIGH FIVE SCAM
[AdriBabe] I KICK BUTT....ED SUCKS BUTT
[purple_tao] I LIKE WHAT I SEE (sometimes)
[varmaflower] ME FIRST
[bub] I am unique and beautiful and capable
[kris] i can... i will.. i did... 80 - 10 % of the ladder of success
[Kensington] FISHIES RULE, OTHERS DROOL!
[rainman] I like life!
[kris] err... 8- - 100%
[AdriBabe] lol sorry that was the only other one i could think of lol
[varmaflower] I DON'T NEED TO BE IN ANY ED MESS
[kris] man - i cant type! OH WELL TOO BAD :P
[purple_tao] WOMAN POWER RULES!!!!!!!!! (no offense to Mr. Fisheeeeeeeeeee)
[bub] i love to dance

[MrFishy] hehehehehehehehe

[Scam] if you don't like me get to steppin
[rainman] I love the mountains!
[varmaflower] OLYMPICRUNNER, ME
[purple_tao] at least we're not women with PMS problems right now.

[MrFishy] AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rainman] I love to see the sunset from my place!
[kris] cause dude - i get to play HAND BELLS tomorrow
[AdriBabe] I CAN AND WILL WIN BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT
[rainman] I love the fresh air in winter!
[bub] wow, that's great kris!
[purple_tao] STOP BEING A VICTIM
[varmaflower] I am going to be in teh christmas play at church and I am goign to be Mary the virgin
[kris] danke
[purple_tao] CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY, DAMMIT
[juliaf] cool varma
[rainman] being happy, I have the key!
[purple_tao] GRIN AND BARE IT
[kris] cause i get to play 2 of the most important notes in carol of the bells in bell choir - AND i get to sing too
[AdriBabe] ED GOOOOOOO AWAY
[purple_tao] shoo shoo shoo
[Scam] DHOASHDAOHSGVN
[Scam] :)
[varmaflower] me..i do all for me..ME
[purple_tao] WE'RE ALL SPECIAL
[bub] we have voices
[Shuffleboard_Queen] i am beautiful
[bub] let's use em!
[purple_tao] yes, bub, we have to learn to use them.
[varmaflower] I LOVE YOU FISHIES..
[kris] cause i get to work with awesome consumers everyday (that i get to work)
[Scam] christmas icons * purple_tao thinks: (((((((( room )))))))))))
[Scam] :P
[rainman] I love u Fishies too!

[SFishy] AWESOME EVERYONE!

[MrFishy] AWESOME ALL!!!!!!!!

[SFishy] THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING ALL! Don't forget the follow-up game on the bulletin board!
[SFishy] and we WILL SEE YOU NEXT MONTH...
[SFishy] KEEP YOUR EYE OUT ON THE CALENDAR...
[SFishy] (in the bulletin board)

[MrFishy] Have an awesome night....and be good to YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SFishy] we may just decide to have a special festive holiday chat party!
[SFishy] remember...
[SFishy] the most important thing through the holidays is YOU!
[SFishy] Take care of YOURSELVES!!!

[MrFishy] Nitters!

[SFishy] have a great night!



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