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SFWED Live Chat for Support
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Below you will find the list of available chat transcripts. Not ALL chat events are transcribed, but the majority of them are made available here. If you have a suggestion for a chat topic, send us e-mail.


Fishing for Support Chat -- JULY, 2002



[SFishy] okay all, we're about to begin...

[MrFishy] here we goooooo

* SFishy[AWAY] reminds everyone that this is a recovery-oriented chat :)

[SFishy] and considering that...
[SFishy] tonight we are going to talk SPECIFICALLY about what recovery means...
[SFishy] There seem to be quite a few people who believe that not engaging in ED behaviors means you are recovered...
[SFishy] and while I agree, recovery is different for everyone...
[SFishy] I think it's essential that we attack MORE than just behaviors...
[SFishy] There are 3 integral parts of recovery...
[SFishy] body, mind and spirit
[SFishy] All three must be addressed, even though individually, they are important
[SFishy] Illiminating behaviors is important...
[SFishy] but it's not the whole picture...
[SFishy] If you ONLY attack behaviors, than you haven't learned self-love, nor an ability to cope with the rough times...
[SFishy] Which leads to the first question I'd like to ask ya...
[SFishy] Name some possible ways it can actually be counterproductives to ONLY focus on JUST behaviors?

* andytails throws a water balloon at mr fishy
[mattsdancer] it distracts you from taking care of yourself in other ways
[ErikaS] hiya roomies :)
[Oceanna_Skye] cos you still have the htoughts and you may relapse when stress occurs
[peachgoddess] you don't learn who you are without the behaviors
[caringbear] emotions are a lot more inportant than behaviors
[andytails] you dont concentrate ont he real problem
[Whitney_Bug] the symptoms are very likely to return if the real problem isn't dealt with
[justice] it's easy to become obsessive about the consequences and not work on the reasons you use the behaviours
[mattsdancer] it doesn't allow you to figure out why you engaged in the behaviours int he first place
[Jen] Not dealing with the real problems and it's more likely to trade one unhealthy coping mechanism for another
[shellikins] you might just switch addictions
[Oceanna_Skye] and its not about weight right?
[andytails] behaviours can return if the root of the porblem isnt sorted
* Whitney_Bug agrees with shellikins
[Oceanna_Skye] need to deal with the underlying issues
[caringbear] it's not about behaviors either...really
[mattsdancer] shit this is hard
[MrFishy] hard is good! :)
[ErikaS] hiya roomies :O)
[mattsdancer] yeah
[Whitney_Bug] the eating disorder didn't start as behaviors, it started with u nderlying issues
[juliaf] recovery will be inevitable
[andy] sorry about that.....x was here to pick up kids...what did i miss?????????
[juliaf] relapse rather
[hemera] other similar behaviours that geenrate from the same prob may be developed
[andy] tell me
[mattsdancer] ummmmmm........i guess the process of healing involves all aspects...though you said that already
[ErikaS] how is everyone :)

[SFishy] GREAT answers everyone!

[MrFishy] GREAT ANSWERS
[MrFishy] Everyone in this room has the ability to stop engaging in a behavior.....
[MrFishy] while it IS extremely difficult
[MrFishy] everyone has the chose and can act or not act upon that choice

[SFishy] now...
[SFishy] keeping in mind the answers to the first question...
[SFishy] and knowing behaviors cannot be the ONLY focus...
[SFishy] give me some reasons why it IS important to address them

[ErikaS] i have some good news :)
[peachgoddess] because they are sometimes more immediately dangerous to our health
[raisin-girl] address what? I got here late. :(
[battgyrll] becuase they are the most physically unhealthy part of the ed
[mattsdancer] it is important to address them so we don't DIE
[hemera] to address behaviours?
[dancerl] they take the focus off what the real issues are
[caringbear] because it does give a person SOMETHING
[Whitney_Bug] it is important to learn how to function and live again, you can't be happy while engaged in the behaviors
[shellikins] so that you can be clear headed for the tougher stuff
[caringbear] comfort
[peachgoddess] because they are a part of the ed
[Oceanna_Skye] so we can live and not merely exist
[ErikaS] i am on HRT :)
[juliaf] which are we addressing behaviors or thoughts?
[Whitney_Bug] i want to live, not just exist
[Whitney_Bug] LOL skye
[andy] im not well..im relapsing
[mattsdancer] they are the symptons not the problem necessarily!!!!!!!!!
[varmaflower] it is important to address them so we can become back to our normal self?
[shellikins] behaviors cloud the real issues
[ErikaS] happy :)
[andy] but if i had to say anything...i would want to live...not just survive

[SFishy] give me some reasons why it IS important to address the behaviors

[Oceanna_Skye] to live
[ErikaS] can anyone see my typing :O
[hemera] because body, mind and spirit go altogether, if we dont behave well body wise we cannot be well in our minds and spirits neither
[varmaflower] to move on with our life.
[caringbear] we need to learn why it gives us comfort etc and learn to get the same thing from something more healthy,,,ummmm
[andy] cuz you wont get any better by bottling them up
[Whitney_Bug] the behaviors are destroying our precious bodies and psyches
[Whitney_Bug] we don't deserve that * mattsdancer thinks: to allow yourself to focus on the more important deeper issues!!!!!!!!!
[Jen] Because from a physical standpoint behaviors can be dangerous
[BrknDollOnZoloft] so yout will be around to deal with the issues that cause the behaviors
[hemera] behaviours are an important part of our daily life experiences
[Oceanna_Skye] to be nourished enough for our brains to work to be able to focus and concentrate on the underlying stuff
[varmaflower] because we need to know the secret and truth inside of us

[MrFishy] good answers!

[juliaf] because the behaviors can lead to an aray of health issues
[battgyrll] if our health is failing it makes it harder for our minds to focus o recovery
[shellikins] b/c we are so wrapped up in them, cant think of more imp issues
[mattsdancer] this is all i got
[hemera] engaging in healthy beahvioursfeels good! :)) and thus lets us be stronger to kick
[mattsdancer] lol
[andy] cuz the ed is already taking us over..now we have to take it over
[Whitney_Bug] i work in layers, peeling off the first layer is the behaviors so that I can concentrate on what's really causing the problems
[varmaflower] to save our friends and family
[fallingdown] oops, i mean because we could die if we dont address them
[hemera] improves self esteem
[hemera] confidence
[hemera] willpower

[MrFishy] Awesome answers!

[SFishy] great answers everyone!
[SFishy] Taking care of our bodies is important... it's a proven fact that the mind doesn't function properly when we neglect our bodies
[SFishy] by not eating right...
[SFishy] not getting enough sleep...
[SFishy] drinking too much alcohol...
[SFishy] etc.
[SFishy] Participating in behaviors detaches us from our own emotions...
[SFishy] and the behaviors themselves can cause chemical changes in the brain, that leads to
[SFishy] depression... insomnia... moodiness...
[SFishy] and then of course, there's the medical health problems...
[SFishy] hence why it's important to be constantly working on minimizing and then illiminating behaviors
[SFishy] ...
[SFishy] Now...
[SFishy] The way we THINK, what we think of ourselves...
[SFishy] how we perceive others think of us...
[SFishy] OUR MIND...
[SFishy] is what got us to an ED to begin with.
[SFishy] thinking about that,
[SFishy] Give some examples, WITHOUT talking about food or weight, of how your mind facilitates YOUR ED

[Whitney_Bug] self-destructive thoughts
[caringbear] negative thoughts about yourself
[Oceanna_Skye] i hate myself i thinkim a bad person useless
[andy] i think all ppl are laughing at me
[bri] you are an evil person and deserve to hurt yourself
[raisin-girl] going to extremes
[hemera] i didnt have self love and esteem
[varmaflower] wanting to fit in with peer
[peachgoddess] it tells me how terrible i am
[fallingdown] you're a failure
[BrknDollOnZoloft] it tells me that I am a non-worthy person and I deserve it
[shellikins] imagines people are talking badly about me
[caringbear] they way you think other people perceive you, which ususally isn't positive...
[Oceanna_Skye] im a failure i cant so anything right
[mattsdancer] just don't feel worthy of love or attention
[kilowatt] black and white thinking
[shellikins] keeps me isolated
[hemera] i was rejected by my family and didnt feel loved
[fallingdown] you need to dissapear
[andy] i dont think ppl listen to me .. or think i have something worthy to say
[fallingdown] you need to go away
[Oceanna_Skye] think everyone hates u
[shellikins] self hatred
[mattsdancer] i agree andy
[raisin-girl] tells me the e.d. is the only way to feel better
[andy] i dont think my bf thinks im worthy of anything
[varmaflower] i feel worthy because of my hearing impaired (hey I hear with hearign aids)
[bri] you have no control over ppl leaving you or not. but yuou can control wether or not the destructive behaviors leave
[fallingdown] you're nothing
[Whitney_Bug] those cognitive distortions: black and white thinking, emotional reasoning, negative prediction, selective negative focus, catastrophization, mislabeling, etc.
[shellikins] not wanting to live
[Oceanna_Skye] unworthiness
[bri] they say you are never alone
[juliaf] i know that i can never be pretty enough, thin enough, or worthy enough of others love
[mattsdancer] says that i have to be thin to be loved
[hemera] i didnt have the reason to live, to pass time, thus ed was a way to pass time i guess ugh
[seekinghelp] everyone would be better off without me
[varmaflower] I mean I don't feel worthy enough because of my hearing imapried
[Whitney_Bug] body image!
[BrknDollOnZoloft] thinking I would be better off dead
[hemera] i had a reason to be myself
[andy] i dont deserve anything unless i work hard first
[Oceanna_Skye] people judge me
[hemera] to be by myself sorry
[fallingdown] can never be good enough for anything or anyone
[peachgoddess] feeling so overwhelmed and my MIND not being equipped with the tools to handle it--it created new ones that didn't work so well . . .
[Oceanna_Skye] things are in control and neat and orderly when i engage in behaviours
[mattsdancer] ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh the mind sux sometimes eh?
[andy] that if im not even here...no one would miss me at all....
[Oceanna_Skye] depression
[andy] cuz i havent done good things....just bad
[Oceanna_Skye] no confidence
[caringbear] I'm worthless
[fallingdown] wanting to look and feel sick
[bri] calms me down
[Oceanna_Skye] altered body image
[hemera] lack of self expression
[shellikins] past mistakes

[MrFishy] good answers!
[MrFishy] very honest!
[MrFishy] well done!

[SFishy] good answers... thank you for being so honest everyone
[SFishy] Negative thought processes are HARD to turn around...
[SFishy] but we can ALL do it, it's just something we have to learn how to do...
[SFishy] and practice a lot at
[SFishy] How do you think you can start to, or continue to, turn your own negative thinking around?

[shellikins] challenge it constantly
[hemera] guiltiness
[andy] honestly...i dont know how
[peachgoddess] every time you have a negative thought, stop it and replace it with a positive one
[shellikins] talk back to the voices
[andy] or where to begin
[Whitney_Bug] doing that tool called "triple collumn" that I learne d in treatment
[andy] or what to do
[peachgoddess] yell at the voices to stop
[caringbear] start practicing positve thoughts, even if you don't believe it
[mattsdancer] fight back at it
* fallingdown thinks: what if its' just the way you are-- your personality??
[Whitney_Bug] first collumn, list the distorted thought...
[shellikins] be your own loving parent
[Whitney_Bug] second collumn, list the distortion...
[Oceanna_Skye] surround yourself with positive uplifting family and friends
[caringbear] you did that with negative thoughts didn't we, we practiced them

[SFishy] NO ONE is born negative fallingdown

[varmaflower] socialize
[Whitney_Bug] third collumn, rationale, positive statement that is not eating disordered
[juliaf] by becoming a better person
[shellikins] work hard in therapy
[Whitney_Bug] affirmations!
[andy] we become negative.....
[raisin-girl] tell ur friends and family to give you a heads up when you're being negative
[andytails] write my negatove thoughts down and analyse them
[shellikins] surround yourself with positive people
[andy] ive become that and pessimistic
[Whitney_Bug] switching around that tape that plays in our m inds tellg us we're no good
[andytails] or disicuss them through with a friend
[Oceanna_Skye] this is hard
[shellikins] weed out abusive people from your life
[peachgoddess] try to stay away from things that trigger the negative thoughts
[mattsdancer] do self affirmations
[hemera] thinking that negativity is the reson of being of positivity,
[andy] hey Whit...how do you turn that tape around?????
[mattsdancer] get rid of the toxic things in your life
[Whitney_Bug] if you tell yourself twice a day that it's okay to eat, adn then 42 times that it's not, what do you think you're going to do and believe?
[shellikins] read books on self esteem
[hemera] if neagtivity wasnt positivity wouldnt be either
[Whitney_Bug] repetition, andy
[Whitney_Bug] keep on its butt
* fallingdown thinks: how do you know the difference then between what you are normally, and what is "diseased" negative thinking?
[andy] ive tried that...still not working
[hemera] negativity is our chance to find out and experince positive things
* mattsdancer thinks: yeah whit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[shellikins] get help for depression
[Whitney_Bug] keep trying, it has worked for me, and that's saying something!
[shellikins] talk, talk, talk
[mattsdancer] not sure what else
[Whitney_Bug] express the bad crap, don't hold it in
[hemera] collect positive energies :) do yoga and meditation
[peachgoddess] realize how rediculous the negative thoughts really are
[andy] what do you do about a bf that hates you talking to others about things?????
[hemera] find out positive sides of myself
[bri] do things that you enjoy
[mattsdancer] ditch the bf!!!!!!
[andy] and tells you that its all you when you get pissed off?
[raisin-girl] dump him andy
[Whitney_Bug] dump him
[Oceanna_Skye] get surgery
[hemera] self talk and consolation
[peachgoddess] surgery for what?
[varmaflower] give myself a dime each time I fight negative voice
[mattsdancer] get surgery?
[dancerl] fake it till you make it
[shellikins] nurture yourself
[Whitney_Bug] sweet varma

[SFishy] thanks for all your answers again everyone -- give yourself a pat on the back :)

[MrFishy] Part of healing the mind...
[MrFishy] is beginning to deal with the issues surrounding the hurt....
[MrFishy] the resons WHY you feel underserving....
[MrFishy] the resons WHY you feel worthless....
[MrFishy] telling yourself 1000000 times a day that your NOT worthless is WONDERFUL and an AWESOME step in the right direction....
[MrFishy] but there is a need to delve into the DEEP whys of those feelings and emotions...
[MrFishy] face them head on...
[MrFishy] and overcome them.

[SFishy] Thinking about yourself... and how you feel...
[SFishy] give an example of ONE (only one) negative statement you make to yourself regularly (nothing related to food or weight)

[caringbear] I'm ugly
[peachgoddess] you stupid idiot of course everyone hates you
[andy] god your so ugly
[Oceanna_Skye] youre ugly sam
[fallingdown] you're an idiot
[shellikins] I'm ugly
[andytails] im a failure
[seekinghelp] No one wants to be around me
[kilowatt] I'm a failure
[snoopynose] you're slow and lazy
[raisin-girl] you're so pathetic
[mattsdancer] i'm worthless
[bri] everyone always leaves you because you are too much for people to handle. its alwyas your fault when ppl walk away. no one will ever stay

[MrFishy] one per person

[Whitney_Bug] if you're not the best, you're nothing
[andy] are we allowed only one?????
[andy] darn
[BrknDollOnZoloft] I wasnt there for my mom when she died
[juliaf] you are not your sister and will never be worthy of the love she was
* Whitney_Bug hugs brkndollon zoloft
[hemera] im guilty
[andy] Julia.....man that hits way close to home
[mattsdancer] okkk this is too hard

[MrFishy] i want each person to look at each persons answer closely

[SFishy] now think about your answer for a minute
[SFishy] of course, if someone you cared about said this to you, about themselves, you'd probably disagree adamently
[SFishy] that said...
[SFishy] think about your answer...
[SFishy] and now COUNTER that thought... turn that negative into a positive

[shellikins] ugh
[Whitney_Bug] it's too black and white
[andy] im still ugly
[andytails] i have achieved so much
[Whitney_Bug] find the greys
* mattsdancer thinks: I AM WORTHWHILE!!!!!!!!!!!

[SFishy] counter it with something positive!
[SFishy] even if it DOES feel uncomfortable!

[shellikins] im ugly no matter how i look at it
[caringbear] everyone in here isn't all that that they say about themselves, that would be creepy
[raisin-girl] I am not pathetic...I am strong and determined!!!
[hemera] the bad things that happened to me and the mistakes i did were a chance for me to develop and improve myself
[kilowatt] I am worthwhile
[BrknDollOnZoloft] I cant turn not being there for my mom when she died into a positive
[mattsdancer] challenge it girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[andy] so im not all that ugly......eeeeeeek
[Whitney_Bug] with my competitive nature, i am to apt to co m pare, I am way awesome b/c I am sim ply me! and I give so much to those around me
[shellikins] Ok, I'm less attractive than I used to be
[seekinghelp] I am a fun, nice, caring person to be around and anyone is LUCKY to be hanging out with me
[kilowatt] someone does love me
[juliaf] it can't be done because i can't become her regardless of how much i would have wanted to
[Whitney_Bug] good seeking!
[kilowatt] I do have value
[peachgoddess] i'm not that stupid sometimes and some people like me
* caringbear thinks: yeah seeking!!!
[mattsdancer] julia you have value for yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[kilowatt] I don't have to be perfect

[SFishy] Brkn... you can't turn the history of it to anything different, but you can choose to look at it differently

[shellikins] Ok, other people say I'm not ugly, maybe it's my depressed, neg. mind
[seekinghelp] at least I tried, even though i dont know if i believe it all yet
[hemera] i am not perfect, its ok if made fauits, i should be looking forward not to repeating them again istead of regretting
[fallingdown] i'm worth it....
[caringbear] you don't have too seeking
[Whitney_Bug] agreed, chia
[hemera] im eager to develop myself
[varmaflower] making mistakes is ok. it doesn't make you (me) a bad person
[caringbear] just practice seeking
* mattsdancer thinks: caring i never heard your counter!!!???
[BrknDollOnZoloft] ummm ... I was only a child then, and I did the best that I could?
[Oceanna_Skye] even though youre ugly people still love u
[peachgoddess] seeking, can i try yours too?
[Whitney_Bug] you guys are awesome!

[SFishy] yes Brkn!
[MrFishy] GOOD DEAL DOLL!

[juliaf] i value myself, but they will never value me like they did her mattdancer
[mattsdancer] whoooooooohhhhhhhhhoooooooooooo brkn
[peachgoddess] people are lucky to spend time with me
[seekinghelp] go for it
[raisin-girl] that's a good one, peach

[MrFishy] julia....and SHE can NEVER be you! and that in itself is a positive.

* peachgoddess hugs brkndoll
* mattsdancer thinks: carrie i don't hear you!!!!!
[caringbear] I'm a wonderful and fun person to be around, people have told me that, and I believe it!!!!!!
[mattsdancer] ((((((((angela))))))))))))))))
[bri] ((((((((((((julia)))))))))))))
[claradancer] ((((((chelsea))))))
[mattsdancer] YOU ARE GIRL...I LOVE YA TO BITS!!!!!!!!!
[shellikins] mine is too hard
[juliaf] very true mrf but she had it all going for her

[MrFishy] and so do you julia.

[andy] see.. i never can turn it around to make me happy
[Whitney_Bug] never is a strong word
[mattsdancer] you wont/' let yourself andy
[varmaflower] I am not lazy or pathetic because of all the thing I do to help other
[Whitney_Bug] try to do it this time
[hemera] im caring and helpful
[Oceanna_Skye] ugh
[Whitney_Bug] with us here in a safe place
[hemera] im not selfish
[fallingdown] i can say positives... but i never believe them, so it sounds empty and hypocritical
[koosie] I am caring and giving
[andy] i dont know

[SFishy] I know that was hard!
[MrFishy] very tuff.
[SFishy] and I know it feels uncomfortable
[SFishy] the one thing to try to remember when doing your positives...
[SFishy] don't then counter your positive with something negative again!
[SFishy] like "but I'll never believe it"
[SFishy] just say it
[SFishy] "I am a beautiful person"
[SFishy] and leave it at that, no matter HOW uncomfortable it feel

[MrFishy] I F'IN ROCK!

[SFishy] LOL
[SFishy] it won't ALWAYS feel uncomfortable... it's take practice to turn your thinking around...
[SFishy] especially when so many of us have spent YEARS thinking negatively
[SFishy] ...
[SFishy] now...
[SFishy] we talked about nurturing our bodies... it's important, but doing so requires action...
[SFishy] so does nurturing your mind... it takes action...
[SFishy] How do you think you can nurture your OWN mind?

[Whitney_Bug] yoga
[Oceanna_Skye] read
[Whitney_Bug] relaxation tapes
[hemera] positive thinking
[mattsdancer] pray
[mattsdancer] or meditate
[shellikins] hot bath to relax
[varmaflower] eat
[Oceanna_Skye] take walks in pretty places
[mattsdancer] talk to a friend
[hemera] self talk and consolation
[raisin-girl] listen to awesome music
[andy] THIS ONE I HAVE NO CLUE
[varmaflower] deep breathing
[andytails] judo and lacrosse
[mattsdancer] journal
[andytails] poetry
[caringbear] music, I agree
[shellikins] more restful sleep
[varmaflower] socialize, talk to people
[hemera] communicating with other people
[peachgoddess] draw
[koosie] ya hoo!
[Whitney_Bug] reading "Body Prayers" in a nature setting
[hemera] self expression
[varmaflower] smile 24 hour a day
[caringbear] I agree varma
[mattsdancer] being in sf!!!!!!!!!!!!
[shellikins] playing with cats
[hemera] reading
[mattsdancer] me too varma
[shellikins] slowing down * caringbear thinks: HeLLLL yeah Chelsea

[MrFishy] andy......guess what...the room is sharing some with you....so...TAKE YOUR PICK!!!

[Oceanna_Skye] spending time with loved ones
[mattsdancer] lol carrie
[shellikins] aprreciating the little things in life
[hemera] affirmations
[BrknDollOnZoloft] my pets
* mattsdancer thinks: hugging someone! maybe your dog or cat!
[varmaflower] express myself to other. (i don't mean getting nude. I mean standing on stage singing or doing a speech in front of thousand of people)
[caringbear] SF has helped me a lot
[andytails] mr fishy ur talking ot sanzp right?
[Whitney_Bug] taking it one step at a time so as not toget too overwhelmed
[shellikins] SF boards
[andy] think i might just cry....figting the tears of years.....
[caringbear] I think that would be my #1 thing
[shellikins] therapy
[shellikins] walking in nature
[Whitney_Bug] let it out, andy
[seekinghelp] stop being around things that influence negativity but are hard to avoid
[Whitney_Bug] it's ok
[hemera] growing floers :)
[hemera] flowers lol

[MrFishy] andy...cryins is a POSITIVE release of emotions.

[koosie] cuddling on the couch with my hubby and watch an old movie and cry
[andytails] k
[claradancer] crying can be good sometimes andy
[mattsdancer] THERAPY...with a t that doesn't talk too much eh carrie?
[shellikins] canoeing
[andy] screaming at the top of my lungs

[MrFishy] so you picked one without knowing it!

[mattsdancer] totally carrie!!!!!!!!!!
[caringbear] lol chels
[mattsdancer] :o)
[BrknDollOnZoloft] I get afraid that if I strat crying, I willl never stop
[hemera] digging the deep issues instead of staying superficial
[fallingdown] going for a jog
[shellikins] getting the poison out
[varmaflower] horsey..horse..pony.. *giggling* hehe
[peachgoddess] hugging my dog
[hemera] feng shui :)

[MrFishy] doll....EVERYONE stops crying...no one has died yet from crying :)

[fallingdown] (not for obsessive exercising)
[shellikins] forgiving myself and others
[kilowatt] enjoying the small stuff
[shellikins] staying in the present
[mattsdancer] lol tony
[hemera] cartoons (nice ones)
[peachgoddess] what if you can't cry?
[BrknDollOnZoloft] lol, mrfishy
[Whitney_Bug] yeah, being grounded is a good thing
[mattsdancer] you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[varmaflower] hehehe lol

[MrFishy] peach...learn how!

[andy] you know what.....
[fallingdown] i havnet cried in a year.... it doesnt work
[hemera] dance
[Whitney_Bug] you can still express, even if it's not through crying
[hemera] painting
[peachgoddess] how do you learn?
[andy] i think i would like to learn to kickbox
[Whitney_Bug] yeah hermera!!!
[mattsdancer] totally whit

[MrFishy] you learned to walk, read and write...learning to cry is SIMPLE compared to those ;)

[andy] kick the shit out of my bad feelings
[juliaf] finding someone who loves me that i love back and not running from it
[WMe] sometimes i refuse to cry
[andytails] i think soe of us make ourselves believe crying is a weakness
[Whitney_Bug] rage reduction, yeah baby!
[peachgoddess] :)
[koosie] Going for long walks with my hubby and smelling the flowers and listen to the birds and take in the fresh air and hold eachother and talk intmately
[mattsdancer] kick a pillow!!!!!!

[SFishy] going to therapy, be willing to let your guard down... and don't stop yourself when you feel it coming

[hemera] smiling!
[shellikins] i always put the brakes on crying in therapy
[shellikins] :(
[hemera] read little prince peach
[claradancer] that's a tough one Amy
[hemera] that always makes me cry
[Whitney_Bug] i have to h onor my anniversaries
[kilowatt] being true to ones self
[fallingdown] going for a smoke... taking a break
[peachgoddess] really boo?
[shellikins] watch Dumbo
[peachgoddess] i'll try it :)
[Whitney_Bug] :)
[mattsdancer] SMOKING!!...prob not healthy though
[mattsdancer] lol
[hemera] little prince, recommended to everybody who cant cry

[SFishy] GREAT answers everyone!

[MrFishy] GOOD ANSWRERS!

[SFishy] my suggestion:
[SFishy] write some of them down (if you haven't already) -- some of the ones you yourself shared, and some others shared...
[SFishy] and commit to doing them, try to find time each day, even if for only 15 minutes, to nurture yourself
[SFishy] so often we get caught up in life, and say "but I don't have time" -- but ALL OF US can, and MUST commit to the little bit of time it takes to nurture ourselves
[SFishy] ... now lets talk a bit about spirit...
[SFishy] our spirit is what we feel in our hearts is true... and how we feel overall. It is our essence...
[SFishy] Are you a generally happy person in life? or the type to always see the glass as half-empty?
[SFishy] Feeling negative about ourselves and life around us is VERY draining...
[SFishy] it drains us of energy...
[SFishy] the very energy we need to live!
[SFishy] and it certainly doesn't promote a healthy spirit
[SFishy] (nor a very satisfied one)
[SFishy] Now of course...
[SFishy] being "happy-go-lucky" every second of the day is NOT what recovery is about -- no human being can feel that way all the time
[SFishy] BUT
[SFishy] having an OVERALL sense of happiness about life is something we should all want to strive for
[SFishy] We can recognize our depression, validate our anger, address our stress and confusion...
[SFishy] and learn to cope with it all healthfully, so that we are ABLE to heal, move forward, and get back to feeling good about life
[SFishy] Essentially... YOU in spirit is who you really are --
[SFishy] and we ALL have to learn to be at peace with who we are. We must be our own best friend and companion
[SFishy] Thinking about all this...
[SFishy] thinking about your spirit, and the spirit of who you are...
[SFishy] use four words to describe yourself -- and your answers cannot have ANYTHING to do with physical appearance

[koosie] I read a devotional bible every chance l get and take long walks and listen too alot of enya and
[caringbear] nuturing, open minded, honest, friendly
[BrknDollOnZoloft] funny, smart, loyal, open minded
[andytails] funny, kind, caring, lovable
[Oceanna_Skye] patient
[andy] im not at peace with myself....so this one isnt for me...i guess
[shellikins] smart, caring, funny, attentive
[claradancer] friendly, helpful, caring, and smart
[Oceanna_Skye] can be friendly at times
[hemera] im caring friendly loving for all beings compassionate
[mattsdancer] supportive, out going,loving, honest
[raisin-girl] imaginative, caring, sensitive, smart
[Whitney_Bug] spiritual, flexible, mothering, determined :)
[juliaf] upbeat, neversitting still, adventerous, quiet
[peachgoddess] sensitive, loving, compassionate, imaginative
[beccabear] gonna go so someone else can come in as i am not really into this anymore....sorry bye
[Whitney_Bug] can i do more than 4?

[SFishy] great answers all... everyone keep going (and, sure, you can give more than 4)

[hemera] lol whit
[shellikins] good listener
[hemera] yikes
[raisin-girl] empathetic
[hemera] creativre
[Oceanna_Skye] will drop everything if a friends in trouble
[fallingdown] giving, empathetic, creative... peacemaker
[Whitney_Bug] good, intuitive, compassionate, passionate, creative, nurturing
[andy] wow....seems that all you ppl here see yourselves so positive.....to bad i cant
[peachgoddess] easy to talk to
[Whitney_Bug] understanding
[hemera] adaptive
[shellikins] makes people laugh w/o being vulgar
[andytails] artistic
[hemera] easy going

[SFishy] give it a TRY andy

[hemera] emotional
[peachgoddess] open-minded
[shellikins] silly & child like
[peachgoddess] creative
[hemera] ((((((((((((((andy))))))))))))))))))
[andy] oh i cant....im not anything
[mattsdancer] intelligent
[hemera] you can andy
[hemera] just try
* SFishy[AWAY] says ANDY IS SOMETHING
[Whitney_Bug] you are here, that's something
[hemera] it is easier when you begin once! ;)
[peachgoddess] definitely true hemera
[hemera] open minded
[andytails] i know that sanzo is kind
[shellikins] andy made me laugh when i first came in here tonight
[shellikins] sorry sanzo
[Whitney_Bug] you're supportive towards others, right?
[hemera] helpful
[andy] i tend to let ppl walk all over me......is that one of them????
[Whitney_Bug] uh, no
[brounidegrl] hello
[fallingdown] andy is something, caring, funny, and thoughtful
[hemera] funny and cheerful
[raisin-girl] andy, you're agreeable. lol
[mattsdancer] gotta go all take gentle care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SFishy] four words of who you are andy... so far I've heard you are funny, supportive, and something

[Oceanna_Skye] sense of humour
[andy] but they dont know me
[Whitney_Bug] just type them and put the out there
[Whitney_Bug] see what they can do for you
[andy] really im nothing.....i just let things happen as they will
[brounidegrl] i feel like my identity lately is just "bulimia"
[hemera] andy we are what we believe we are! :)
* mattsdancer hugs the room
[claradancer] good point hemera
[shellikins] at least you are talking, you are open
[hemera] ty hon
[andy] mabye i dont believe .. gosh i dont know

[SFishy] broundide... that's a disease, not who you are (though I know how it feels to feel that way) -- think about who you are INSTEAD of your ED

[hemera] you are a fishy andy!!! thats something!
[SFishy] a something fishy? LOL
[juliaf] =P
[peachgoddess] lol
[Whitney_Bug] yeah, you belong to something
[hemera] you are in the bowl coz your struggling
[andy] ok...im a something fishy
[Whitney_Bug] yay!
[raisin-girl] brounidegirl, do you remember what you liked about yourself before the e.d.? Cause it's probably still there.
[fallingdown] i can list 'good' things, but i cant see them anymore... i just know they use to be there
[andy] sanzo is a something fishy

[SFishy] good answers all... I know it's hard, especially if you are just starting recovery, or really struggling...
[SFishy] but really, part of what will get you OUT of your ED for good, is learning about your own spirit... who you are... and then learning to like that person
[SFishy] it's COMPLETELY possible, even if you don't believe it right now
[SFishy] cause there was a time that *I* certainly didn't believe it
[SFishy] Another question for you all...
[SFishy] what would be the benefit to you, PERSONALLY, of having a more positive outlook on life in general?

[shellikins] people would enjoy being around me
[caringbear] I will LIVE my life
[Oceanna_Skye] be able to fulfil my dreams
[Whitney_Bug] I would have more to give
[peachgoddess] i wouldn't feel so bad about myself all the time
[hemera] my recovery would be much easier

[SFishy] would YOU enjoy being around you more shellikins?

[raisin-girl] I would stop beating myself up for everything
[andy] my headache would stop
[shellikins] i wouldnt hate me and everyone around me
[BrknDollOnZoloft] I could live with myself!
[Oceanna_Skye] be able to do other things
[hemera] i would achieve more
[raisin-girl] Yes, that's a good one, I wouldn't hate myself
[claradancer] I would no longer go through each day like a zombie
[Oceanna_Skye] stop hurting myself
[varmaflower] I would make it that far in my dream to run in the olympic..as far as I would like to go.
[peachgoddess] i would enjoy the little things
[Oceanna_Skye] and others
[BrknDollOnZoloft] I would have more fun
[hemera] i would be happier
[raisin-girl] I would feel like there was a reason to go on
[fallingdown] i could get up in the morning... and want to be alive
[brounidegrl] i could probably improve my relationship with my family
[hemera] i could be more giving for people
[juliaf] what if you do have a postive outlook but still engage in the thinking and behaviors?
[Whitney_Bug] the self-destruction might lesson or even dissipate (sp)
[raisin-girl] I could achieve my so-called goals instead of letting them go to nothing
[shellikins] its hard not to find depression and negativeness comforting in some way
[shellikins] its like a blanket
[fallingdown] i would feel real instead of plastic
[Whitney_Bug] it's a suffocating blanket
[koosie] I could improve myself esteem maybe because I hate my self
[Oceanna_Skye] can achieve something real instead of this exercise in futility called an ed
[raisin-girl] good one, Oceanna

[SFishy] julia... you have to ask yourself then what is the payoff for you to think that way, and engage in the behaviors... there is ALWAYS a perceived payoff to the actions we take
[SFishy] once you figure out your payoff, you can work on more healthy ways to get the same result -- the same payoff, but no emotional/physical consequences
[hemera] i wouldnt regret things and look forward

[kilowatt] I would actually have deep meaningful relationships instead of shallow ones like I have now
[shellikins] i could get out there and live and not be the walking dead
[hemera] i would feel closer to the universe
[brounidegrl] maybe i could let someone in...
[BrknDollOnZoloft] I could want to do stuff from day to day, instead of just forcing myself through the day
[Oceanna_Skye] ty raisin
[hemera] positive vibes would tend more to approach me :)
[shellikins] i could have better judement in who I have around me
[raisin-girl] I would call my friends..it would actually occur to me to reach out, instead of them always trying to reach me
[juliaf] hmm something to think about thanks
[Whitney_Bug] i love your answers hemera, you're so speaking my language!
[brounidegrl] maybe i could trust...allow myself to totally love someone again
[andy] i would just like to not live behind walls......
[shellikins] really? cool
[hemera] ty whitney
[peachgoddess] oooh, brounide me too
[Whitney_Bug] yw :)
[Whitney_Bug] i can tell you've got a really rich spirit
[hemera] im sleepless maybe thats why lol its 6 am here :)
[raisin-girl] not assume everything is against me
[brounidegrl] maybe when someone touched me i wouldn't cringe
[peachgoddess] i could spread the positivity to others
[fallingdown] i dont think i doubt that i dont want to live that positive life... but it's too big of a leap...
[kilowatt] I could look in the mirror and love what I see
[fallingdown] i dont see how to get there
[hemera] ty hon
[Whitney_Bug] take a smaller step, then
[shellikins] i could fulfill my destiny
[hemera] yay peach
[brounidegrl] maybe i wouldn't constantly be so accutely aware of everyone's eyes
[peachgoddess] :)

[SFishy] one final question before we do our affirmations for the night...
[SFishy] I want you to think about where you wish to go in life... or what you have in life... or what you wish to have in life... etc. etc.... and name at least ONE reason that recovery is personally important to you!

[fallingdown] being allowed back into my college
[caringbear] I want to help people w/ ED. I'm very excited!!!!!!
[peachgoddess] because i want to help others learn to love life and i need to love life before i can do that
[BrknDollOnZoloft] So I can create a happy and HEALTHY family for myself
[andy] im to depressed to think about that one.....
[hemera] Yay!! I wanna be an art therapist and thats why i must be totally recovered!!
[Whitney_Bug] dancing is my passsion, at least one of them, I'm double majoring in psychology and dance, and I"m going to be a very good dance therapist
[raisin-girl] I want to be a writer, doing it for a living, and I want people to remember me for it.
[Oceanna_Skye] i want to respect my life so that i can truly respect others lives and my future patients lives when i become a dr
[peachgoddess] me too hemera!!!
[raisin-girl] I can't do that if I let this e.d. take me
[Whitney_Bug] hemera, again speakingmy language
[varmaflower] I wish I had my dad alive in life for me, to do those father/daughter thing together
[hemera] so that i can really help other as a therapist
[juliaf] because i want to live a long life
[andytails] so i can have a family and grow old
[Whitney_Bug] good one a ndytails
[Whitney_Bug] family is important to me
[caringbear] I WANT a LIFE
[peachgoddess] so i can know that i am a positive force to be around
[hemera] yeah colleague whitney!! :)))))
[brounidegrl] i've always wanted independence...a little place all to myself...to have places i always go and order "the usual"...where everybody knows my name...to do what i love
[Whitney_Bug] :D
[kilowatt] so I can smile and mean it
[fallingdown] i want my degree...! do or die...
* Whitney_Bug high fives all of the fut ure therapists in the room
[hemera] and can i give one more reason?
[varmaflower] recovery is important to me because I will get nowhere with my ED. I will just be wasting time and going aroudn in a circus, (sp) it is about time I start LIVING and ENJOYING LIFE.
[Whitney_Bug] what's your passion brounidegirl?
[raisin-girl] (((((((((brounidegirl))))))))) I hear ya
* caringbear high fives whitney back
[SFishy] give as many as your like hemera :)
[Whitney_Bug] yeah, baby, yeah
[Oceanna_Skye] to fulfil my potential, after all we only get one chance at this life, it aint no dress rehearsal
[hemera] im pisses off with the ed, im sick pf obey,ng the life style it dictates me, i wanna be FREE again and live my own life
[brounidegrl] art, music, dancing, writing, reading, helping people...i have so many interests and so much potential
[shellikins] i feel bad, all i want is to get from morning to night and raise my cats
[kilowatt] to live , not simply exist
[brounidegrl] i don't want ot waste it because of this
[peachgoddess] yes brounide!
[hemera] i dont wanna be hospitalized again
[Whitney_Bug] you roc girl, you're so on your way!
* caringbear thinks: YAY herma!!!!
[hemera] i dont want insomnia and depression
[fallingdown] is it bad to only want to be well for college?? i cant do it for myself right now
[raisin-girl] shelikins, what's wrong with that? :)
[claradancer] I want my life back
[hemera] i love smiling and joy and energy

[SFishy] you did great everyone!

[MrFishy] AWESOME!

[SFishy] I know some of the answers tonight were difficult...
[SFishy] and I'm sure you'll be thinking about them for a while :)
[SFishy] now, as we always like to end with YOU saying positive things about YOURSELF... lets end with some affirmations!
[SFishy] I like me because ________
[SFishy] I'm a good person because ________
[SFishy] I awesome at _______
[SFishy] etc. etc.
[SFishy] GO!

* andytails throws a water balloon at mr fishy
* SFishy[AWAY] chucks guppies at andytails
[peachgoddess] I LIKE ME BECAUSE I CARE VERY DEEPLY
[hemera] i like me because i am on my day 71 of recovery!!! :)))
[brounidegrl] lol
[kilowatt] lol
[shellikins] im fast on the calculator

[MrFishy] YELL UM!!

[juliaf] i like because learned something tonite that really struck a cord =)
[hemera] i am a a good person coz i wanna help people
[Whitney_Bug] i am awesome at being with people
[hemera] :) shelli
[andy] IM A SOMETHING FISHY PERSON
[Whitney_Bug] i give out good energy
[bri] my kids at work love me
[shellikins] I LIKE ME B/C I CAN MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH
[Whitney_Bug] yes!!!!
[kilowatt] lol andy
[caringbear] I AM AWESOME AT WRITING!!
[hemera] (((((((((((andy))))))))))))) your a great fishy!
[Whitney_Bug] i am a beautiful mover
[peachgoddess] i am going to help people LIVE
[peachgoddess] I AM UNIQUE
[Whitney_Bug] i have a very rich spirit
[andy] I WAS A GREAT GREETER FOR THE ABUSE CHAT LAST NIGHT.....
[juliaf] i am awesome at tennis =P
* hemera thinks: i like me coz i can live without air condition in this heat!! oh its sooo hot here
[raisin-girl] I am a survivor
[caringbear] I'm a good person because I am good to people, I treat them as I would want them to treat me
[Oceanna_Skye] yes andy you were!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* andytails gives sfishy a flower for being amazing
[Whitney_Bug] i am doin git
[hemera] i can dance!!!
[caringbear] I care so much
[Whitney_Bug] i am doing the work to stay in recovery!
[brounidegrl] I LIKE ME BECAUSE I CRAVE DEEP CONNECTIONS WITH PEOPLE, I GENUINELY CARE, AND I AM WILLING TO KEEP TRYING, IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING
[peachgoddess] I AM CREATIVE AND FULL OF IMAGINATION
[fallingdown] i can play french horn?
[Whitney_Bug] I'M STILL ON MY DAMN MEAL PLAN!!!!!
[MrFishy] KEEP UM COMING!
[hemera] i like me because i have got intutions that work well ;)
[hemera] i am ambitious!
[fallingdown] i only purged once today... *really happy*
[juliaf] i am me and maybe it is ok to be me
[Whitney_Bug] I like how i connect with people well
[SFishy] SCREAM 'M LOUD
[shellikins] I like me b/c I havent given up
[BrknDollOnZoloft] I AM NICE
[Whitney_Bug] I AM HERE
[shellikins] I MADE IT TO CHAT TONIGHT
[caringbear] I LOVE ME!!!!!!!!
[BrknDollOnZoloft] i HAVENT GIVEN UP
[MrFishy] I ROCK
[raisin-girl] I will choose life
[brounidegrl] I LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN EVERYONE, EVEN MY ABUSIVE FATHER
[Oceanna_Skye] lol
[claradancer] I WON'T GIVE UP

[SFishy] GREAT JOB everyone! Thanks so much for coming tonight...

[MrFishy] AWESOME SHARES TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

[SFishy] and of course, thank YOURSELVES for continuing on this HARD road of recovery...

* MrFishy[AWAY] PATS EVERYONE ON THE BACK

[SFishy] We'll see you all next month...
[SFishy] August 28th at 10pm ET (7pm PT)

[MrFishy] AND DONT FORGET TO PAT YOURSELFS TOO!

[SFishy] and watch for a follow-game on the bulletin boards...
[SFishy] have a great night all...
[SFishy] and... take care of YOU!

[MrFishy] Keep keeping on!
[MrFishy] be good to yourselves!
[MrFishy] And nite nite!



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