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Below you will find the list of available chat transcripts. Some of the older chats have not been included yet, but will appear here in the future.

Fishing for Support Chat -- JANUARY, 2003

[SFishy] okay everyone... we're going to get started...

[SUdawggirl] k
[Broken_hearted] cool

[SFishy] MrFishy isn't going to be with us tonight -- he's very tired and has to be at work very early tomorrow

[SFishy] So you're all stuck with me for tonight :P~

[magichic] :)
[pooh_bear_fan] :o)
[Whitney_Bug] no complaints
[SUdawggirl] ok, hope he's in bed then!
[pooh_bear_fan] no hitting mr fishy tonite??
[SUdawggirl] I've never talked to you before!

* SFishy hears him snoring!

[Whitney_Bug] lol
[SUdawggirl] yay!
[pooh_bear_fan] hahahahahaaaaaaa
[barbiegurl] :o)
[SUdawggirl] mr fishy gettin some well deserved rest:-)

[SFishy] We're going to keep in somewhat casual tonight, but it's important we all stay on topic

[magichic] ok
[seenikrun] k
[SUdawggirl] alright

[SFishy] Tonight we're going to talk about building up our own powerful thoughts

[Broken_hearted] sure
[Broken_hearted] lead the way SFishy
[SUdawggirl] hey court
[jntcourt] hi

[SFishy] We'll be taking some of our inspiration tonight from the "Power Thought Cards" by Louise L Hay (available from Amazon.com)

[SUdawggirl] hey challenge

[SFishy] We're going to start with a few phrases that you can say to yourself...
[SFishy] After I say a phrase, tell me how it can apply to you in a positive way... and how it makes you feel to hear it...
[SFishy] Here's the first one...
[SFishy] (your turn :))

[pooh_bear_fan] that's a bit of a toughey!!!
[Whitney_Bug] I create my own recovery...
[Broken_hearted] that's not a conscious thing though....that occurs subconsciously
[barbiegurl] I am in control...
[Whitney_Bug] and what's not in it
[Picasso] can we create who is in it? ?
[jntcourt] i don't agree because that assumes that what is going on outside my world does not have an impact on what i think and feel
[challenge] to be honest - it makes me feel like a failure - since it seems like I am to blame for all of this! how "stupid" is that?
[khodem] we can choose our direction and what is real

[SFishy] ah... it doesn't put you to blame for anything... but the phrase itself asks you to be conscious of what you truly have control over

[jntcourt] i do not live in a bubble and outside stimuli have an impact on what i think and feel....that does not mean it controls me but it can have an impact on me
[pooh_bear_fan] i have control over whether or not to stick out recovery
[Broken_hearted] we only have control over certain things in our life...certainly not over other people

[SFishy] very true PBF

[seenikrun] i think it means we have the ultimate dissission of who effects us in our own lives. we have the power to let them effect us in a good/bad way or remove them from our lives completely. But ultimatel it is our own dessission to make. No one forces us to do anything. There is always a choice.

[SFishy] not at all over other people BH... but over how we react to them, and over how we choose to let them effect us
[Whitney_Bug] I create my happiness, and at hte same time I can also create my own sadness, I can create my reality because I can have true control in recovery
[Anonymous_Member004] i can try to control how i react to things my mother says and not let her dictate how i should feel

* SFishy applauds Anonymous_Member004 and seenikrun
[kittybaloo] hello
[nicolealberts] hello

[SFishy] it may not be EASY... but the phrase can be used to empower you -- "I CREATE MY OWN REALITY AND CREATE WHO IS IN IT"

[Anonymous_Member004] sfishys compliment makes me feel good
[khodem] I'm creating a new career
[nicolealberts] i agree that makes me feel good too

[SFishy] some of us while suffering, or because of the nature of our lives growing up, or our immediate surroundings, become "addicted" to high-drama... would you all agree with that?

[Lesmarie] yes
[SUdawggirl] definitely
[pooh_bear_fan] wow ....yea!
[barbiegurl] yes
[Anonymous_Member004] yes
[pooh_bear_fan] why is that?
[jntcourt] yes..i call it trauma drama
[nicolealberts] oh yea
[Lesmarie] you can become addicted to feeling bad also

[SFishy] could phrase for it jnt
[seenikrun] it sure can. And you are right its not easy. Because sometimes we keep people in our lives for not so good reasons. And we know that they should not be connected with us. Even though we ultimately have the power to exclude them from our lives its harder to do it than say it.

[pooh_bear_fan] hey hols
[tianna] hi
[Little_Fishy] can I ask for some support?
[nicolealberts] yes i agree you can always be addicted to the feeling of the trama
[Picasso] but we can't just banish people from our lives.
[Little_Fishy] I came this close to leaving the program today
[Little_Fishy] just walking right out the door

[SFishy] I know for ME... I became addicted to high-drama because it was what I expected... my parents were always fighting... I subconsciously learned that I must be loved if things are always in turmoil

[Anonymous_Member004] sometimes trauma is all we know as reality
[kittybaloo] why Little
[Lesmarie] but you can realize when the people in your lives are no longer helping you...and then you can remove yourself from those relationships temporarily...like if the relationship is triggering or something

[SFishy] Little Fishy -- we need to stay on topic

[nicolealberts] why you don't nee dto leave the program we are all here for you
[Little_Fishy] it hurts too much
[Little_Fishy] sorry
[Lesmarie] sorry...tell me if I'm way off topic...I just joined this room
[SUdawggirl] drama was the only way I could get attention growing up, because my bro and sis got into so much trouble
[jntcourt] i think my ED is a way to recreate the drama and the out of control feelings that i experienced growing up

[SFishy] Lesmarie... you are right... toxic friendships/relationships are certainly a part of being addicted to high-drama.

[SUdawggirl] I felt like I had to do something to get any attention
[Whitney_Bug] hey kensy
[khodem] hey kensington
[SUdawggirl] and even now I feel like I have to be "up" for people to want to associate with me

[SFishy] I remember the first time things felt "calm" in my life... I almost felt displaced! Like I didn't know what to do with myself -- have any of you felt that way?

[Anonymous_Member004] i never liked tobe noticed. the attention was bad. i try to hide from being noticed, attention
[jntcourt] yes
[Broken_hearted] kensy...why is your fish yellow?
[challenge] definitely.....
[Whitney_Bug] yeah, that's why I sabotaged my happiness so much
[Picasso] yes. my family was very chaotic.
[barbiegurl] my life is always so busy, always something going on, whenever i have time to rest i feel lost
[Whitney_Bug] I have to really watch myself for sabotage
[seenikrun] its weird but growing up there was always yelling and throwing things between my parents and when my brother left for college it was all on me! But I reacted a little diffently. I instaed wanted to fix everything and not cause conflict. To this day in all relationships i have a hard time speaking up for myself or causing any conflict in a lrelationship. And i find myself always compromising and appologizing.

[SFishy] it's good to be aware of whitney

[Whitney_Bug] I've got a history of it
[barbiegurl] I give in a lot too
[Whitney_Bug] yeah, I actually had a therapist dump me because of it, not just because of it, but in a round about way

[SFishy] seenikrun... even constantly trying to repair things is high-drama... drama doesn't always mean seeking conflict... it can also mean always being in the center of things... or always being "dramatically" isolated (woah-is-me)...
[SFishy] question...

[SUdawggirl] that sounds like me, too, Nik. My mom is more of a drama queen than me, and she goes off at the drop of a hat, and I would try to mediate all the time

[SFishy] if for the next week you had peace and calm by default... no stress from job or school... no conflicts... how would you fill the time to enjoy yourself?

[Anonymous_Member004] i never thought of it that way,,,"isolated" woah is me
[Whitney_Bug] oh my gosh, amy, I'd welcome it!
[Lesmarie] I would read, write, color, talk online, watch movies...READ AND WRITE!!!
[barbiegurl] i woiuld have so much time i would be scared to death, constantly worried about food
[challenge] SF - I wouldn't know WHAT to do!!!!
[WishingMe] i need the drama, otherwise nothing else it really "special" about me
[Broken_hearted] I have no stress from work or school right now...but that doesn't mean Im automatically stress free
[rnr] spend time with friends
[Anonymous_Member004] relax and cuddle my cat and that sounds so nice, to have no pressure at all
[challenge] me too barbie
[Whitney_Bug] I'd spend time with my newphews, get ready for nathan's fifth birthday

[SFishy] ah Wishing... I bet there's a lot special about you -- it may just be hard for you to see

[Lesmarie] I think I would also torment myself about what I was eating/not eating...I tend to think more about myself when I have less to do...
[khodem] yoga,prayer,karate, keyboard reading guitar some many ways

[SFishy] what could you do alternatively Lesmarie?

[nicolealberts] i would spend more time with my children
[jntcourt] i am going to a winter formal for attorneys with my boyfriend and i actually plan on enjoying myself and not paying attention to ED's voice
[Lesmarie] so maybe I would have to get out of the house and do less isolating activities...like go out with friends to the movies or something
[SUdawggirl] I wouldn't know what to do with myself
[WishingMe] is it wrong to isolate? what if you like being alone?
[Whitney_Bug] i'd paint, clean the apartment, be productive instead of depressed and lazy
[Lesmarie] it's not wrong to isolate...but that can't be the only thing in your life, I don't think
[kittybaloo] I let my cat purr on top of me

[SFishy] being alone is okay Wishing... I am an alone type of gal... but EVERYONE Needs human contact. It is unhealthy for anyone to isolate too much (ED or not)

[barbiegurl] i am he opposite, keeping busy keeps me away from my problems
[jntcourt] do any of you volunteer...it helps me to get out of myself and help others
[barbiegurl] probably a bad way of dealing with issues
[Whitney_Bug] my eating would be awesome and stable, that would make ME, not to mention my dietician, therapist, psychiatrist, etc. happy
[Anonymous_Member004] sometimes, i think being lazy is a good thing,,,it helps me to calm down from stress and feel it is my time just for me and nobody else
[rnr] that is a great idea jntcourt
[Lesmarie] I volunteer at the ASPCA...with the animals (cats and dogs) I find that that is VERY theraputic
[nicolealberts] yes i volunteer with the hospital that my son lives at
[tianna] im with ya there barbie, the busier i am the better off i am
[challenge] BUSY is the way to go!!

[SFishy] volunteering is awesome -- BUT (sorry LOL) -- you can't save others at your own detriment...

[jntcourt] but being too busy is a way of avoiding emotions and feelings

[SFishy] must take care of YOU too!

[Whitney_Bug] Anonymous_Member004, i can be lazy to a point, but then I get too depressed too easily
[nicolealberts] but keeping our minds off of things makes it easier
[Kensington] taking quiet time for yourself isn't lazy, either
[Lesmarie] you're right...but I definitely consider other people's feelings/needs/desires before I think of my own
[Picasso] even stress free, i am still stressed and can't take too much stimulatoin or i overload
[SUdawggirl] I tend to withdraw quite a bit... tonight we had a function in the chapter room, and I just had to get out
[SUdawggirl] I felt totally overwhelmed

[SFishy] jnt -- sometimes refocusing on something else is good... but it's important to validate your emotions as well. It's okay to say "I'm sad, I feel depressed today... maybe I should go out and do something enjoyable/maybe I should talk to someone"

[barbiegurl] when i am not in therapy i beat around the bush with my problems
[Lesmarie] sometimes functions can be overwhelming...and claustrophobic...
[Anonymous_Member004] for me, to be lazy for a bit refreshes me for when i have to go back to being my mothers slave
[Kensington] then it's probly not laziness, Anonymous_Member004, it's down time you need to recharge

* SFishy agrees with kensington
[Lesmarie] I agree with Kensington

[SFishy] we ALL need downtime

[Whitney_Bug] I am so proud of and happy with myself, just looking at how much I have progressed since I've gotten out of treatment
[nicolealberts] I wish i had time just to be lazy and not always run run run how do you make time
[Whitney_Bug] it's been one year!!
[Anonymous_Member004] yes kensy! i couldn't find the right words. that is what i was trying to say!
[jntcourt] but dwelling on your problems and not doing anything productive is not healthy and can lead to delf-defeating behavior
[kittybaloo] I don't like being too lazy, I start thinking too much
[Lesmarie] Is there a way to turn off ones mind? Like, to make yourself stop thinking...?
[barbiegurl] what can you do during downtime? i seem to become depressed
[challenge] YAY WHITNEY!!!
[SUdawggirl] I'm not claustrophobic, just feeling like I couldn't be around anyone. I dunno why
[tianna] i find when i take downtime i think too much!
[Lesmarie] sometimes I feel like my mind is racing at about 100 mph...and I just can't do anything about it...
[Whitney_Bug] try meditating or yoga lesmarie
[Lesmarie] how do you start?
[Whitney_Bug] i so recommend yoga
[Lesmarie] like, where do you learn?

[SFishy] Lesmarie... that's a tough one, but yes. Have you tried learning to meditate or doing yoga -- awesome stuff for learning to quiet the mind

[Kensington] look for music, especially classical or jazz, designed to help you relax
[Picasso] toomuch downtime isn't good either...my therapist wants me up and out.
[Whitney_Bug] i've got a book called yoga for busy people, get a tape, it's super awesome stuff
[SUdawggirl] I like yoga for the stretching, but I still compare myself
[Lesmarie] hmm...maybe I'll try it...thanks for the suggestions... :)

[SFishy] keep working on it SUdaw... yoga is for YOU, not for anyone else to look at you

[Whitney_Bug] btw, thank you challenge

[SFishy] I'd like to give the next phrase...
[nicolealberts] is being busy all the time a bad thing though? Are you always in need of alone time?
[SFishy] remember... when you hear it tell me how it makes you feel, and how it can positively impact your life to say it...

[Whitney_Bug] omg, in treatment, yoga helped me so much to get a strong connection to my body
[nicolealberts] how do you make time for yourself with kids?
[kittybaloo] My cat helps me relax

[SFishy] nicole: BED TIMES! (LOL but I'm serious)

[Anonymous_Member004] i have to have some alone time to escape the stress. sundays are MY day for just me, to watch movies, read, ect

[SFishy] and learning to say to them (if they are old enough) mommy needs some quiet time for 30 minutes

[Lesmarie] what was the next phrase?
[WishingMe] i never get alone time, i hate it

[SFishy] next phrase...

[Whitney_Bug] hey amy, hit me! ((lol((
[nicolealberts] see that would be great but my little one lives at a hospital so i am always running back and forth
[Lesmarie] Wow
[kittybaloo] thats true
[Lesmarie] it's true...every event that happens in your life is something that will shape you for what happens in the future...
[Lesmarie] at least, that's what I think
[barbiegurl] Can;t live one moment at a time, letting my OCD get the better of me
[Whitney_Bug] that makes me a little scared
[pooh_bear_fan] my therapist and i discussed something similar to that one. she told me "what you focus on grows, so focus on the good things about you and try to grow those things"
[Picasso] that's good pooh bear fan, i like that
[pooh_bear_fan] some things are big enough already, they need more growing (the negative things)
[Kensington] "where the mind goes, the behind follows" --- negative thoughts produce negative environments
[Anonymous_Member004] Pooh, i like that idea
[Lesmarie] like, my mom wants to forget that I was ever anorexic...but I don't want to forget...because it seems like something that I shouldn't just try to shut out of my life
[khodem] I am creating a future of prosperity and jot
[Whitney_Bug] maybe not just shut out, be recover from
[khodem] joy
[barbiegurl] can't let ED take control of your life
[Lesmarie] oh, I can recover without forgetting...
[Lesmarie] without forgetting what the hospital was like...how awful it was to be caught in the midst of the disorder
[Lesmarie] that's what I mean by remembering...so I never lose that...never forget about what I don't want to return to...
[Picasso] the phrase reminds me of something a doc once told me, "I don't have time for the luxury of a negative thought.
[Whitney_Bug] I guess that phrase makes me think about "attitude is everything"
[Anonymous_Member004] i am trying to change my thought process to positives, not allow my mothers negativity effect me. that hopefully will create a better future for me
[barbiegurl] I feel like my ED might ruin the rest of my life
[Lesmarie] it's different, I think, than trying to stay sick

* SFishy says: if you woke up everyday and said "I'm a piece of crud" how do you think your day would be? If you woke up every day and said "I'm a great person" how do you think your day would be?
[Whitney_Bug] yeah, there ya go, attitude is everything
[SUdawggirl] I don't even know about the great person day anymore...
[pooh_bear_fan] cruddy, and great ... depending on which one you said for that day
[Lesmarie] hmm...true, Amy, it's the power of the spoken word
[Whitney_Bug] well maybe not everything, but so much
[barbiegurl] You are in control of your future depending on your attitude
[Lesmarie] but I'm goin' to go to bed now...night all...good luck with your recoveries!
[Whitney_Bug] heather, welcome
[barbiegurl] gnight
[Anonymous_Member004] if i think i am a piece of crud, i set myself up to be one. if i say i am a great person, it will make my day better

[SFishy] take care of YOU Lesmarie

[Lesmarie] thanks
[Lesmarie] I'll try
[challenge] g'nite Lesmarie
[khodem] We believe what we tell ourself if we say it often
[Picasso] even to just start the day with an "I am in control" or something could make such a difference.
[Whitney_Bug] I've learned about myself that if I tell myself I can do something, I'll do it

[SFishy] we have all battled negative thoughts... it sounds corny to fight them with positive ones, but it DOES in fact help

[Whitney_Bug] that sounds cheesy to me, but it feels so empowering!!
[pooh_bear_fan] replace a negative thought with a positive thought ?
[khodem] I firmly believe it helps

[SFishy] yes pooh... and you CAN do it without denying what you feel...
[SFishy] an example:

[Kensington] it's how you change your negative tape that runs in y our head, pooh
[barbiegurl] i am going to drink my BOOST then off to bed
[barbiegurl] goodnight all, take care

[SFishy] I feel really depressed today... but I am strong enough to overcome this... I CAN cope in positive ways

[challenge] nite barbie!
[Anonymous_Member004] i am discovering that. if i let my mothers cruelty in, it hurts. i think positive and accept that it is her problems, i feel better about me

[SFishy] take care of YOU barbiegurl

[pooh_bear_fan] ah i see :o)
[Picasso] but gosh, it seems like i have to fight the same thoughts over and over and over and they still come back.
[barbiegurl] I will try, thank you

[SFishy] Picasso... it takes a long time for some of us to eliminate a long history of negative self-thought!

[SUdawggirl] I feel like I lost the positive tape lately. My depression's been pretty bad lately
[challenge] brb
[seenikrun] brb

[SFishy] cognitive behavior thearpy (cbt) is something proven to work. Fighting negative thinking with positive is a form of CBT... it actually can CHANGE brain chemistry

[nicolealberts] How are you to get over the negative self talk when you are the cause of something bad. (ex... a child being sick)
[Kensington] it takes ages to build a negative tape, so it will take time & practice to build a positive one
[Whitney_Bug] oy, triple collumn

[SFishy] nicole... first, therapy... that is a tough situation and you need an objective person to work through it with you... a good question to ask yourself... is feeling guilty getting you what you want, or what you don't want out of life?

[Picasso] i've been in therapy three years, just took on a major challenge/conftonted a major fear....but already i'm thinking how long until the old thoughts return again. that's what i'm talking about having to redo the same thoughts (ie.i am not guilty...)
[nicolealberts] how do you find a good theripist
[Whitney_Bug] it's like trying on socks, see which one fits

[SFishy] look on our treatment finder on something-fishy.org -- or call 1-800-THERAPIST

[Anonymous_Member004] tired and a bit overwhelmed,,,,goodnight everyone

[SFishy] and interview them until you find one you think you can work with

[challenge] g'nite
[Whitney_Bug] g'nite Anonymous_Member004

[SFishy] Anonymous_Member004: take care of YOU!

[Kensington] nite Anonymous_Member004
[Picasso] goodnight Anonymous_Member004
[khodem] good night Anonymous_Member004
[tianna] nite Anonymous_Member004

[SFishy] lets do the next phrase everyone...
[SFishy] tell me how you feel hearing it, and how it can effect you in a positive way to say it...

[Whitney_Bug] Hit Me!! (still laughing)


[pooh_bear_fan] whitney!!!
[Whitney_Bug] oh, so true!
[kittybaloo] I do not think I am adequate for any situation
[Picasso] that sounds like an affirmation that i should repeat over and tover!
[Whitney_Bug] I am good enough, very deserving of respect
[Kensington] it gives me more power
[SUdawggirl] whaddup, dawg??
[SUdawggirl] haha!
[nicolealberts] i also do not think i am adequate for any situation
[edawg] hey
[Whitney_Bug] did I make ya laugh chellie? sound like someone you know?
[challenge] I can handle whatever comes my way....(ya, right!!!why don't I believe that?)
[khodem] living day by day and face what comes ready day by day
[pooh_bear_fan] hehehe
[Whitney_Bug] I am at the very least "adequate" for every situation if not very good, because I am very special and talented
[kittybaloo] I have always been the worst at everything, including treatment
[babyblueeyez] lol I really need to get someone to e-mail me postive stuff like that every day cause its so hard for me to remember and believe it myself

[SFishy] I'd like to hear you all say (even if you have a hard time believing it) why you would be totally ADEQUATE in a given situation...

[pooh_bear_fan] to me i think of that i'm given no more than i can handle
[Whitney_Bug] every situation except fathering children
[ironchick] he he he
[nicolealberts] he he he
[Kensington] i'
[Whitney_Bug] i do recognize my biological limits
[SUdawggirl] lol whit
[tianna] lol whit
[Kensington] i'm totally adequate in any given situation becuz even if i fumble it, i can learn & move on
[Picasso] sometimes i say to myself "It's okay. I can handle this." ie when i'm just feeling general anxiety.
[ironchick] Hey, you can only do so much, right?
[Whitney_Bug] good point!!
[pooh_bear_fan] i'd bea adequate cause it could be a learning experience and if not adeqeuate then it can all fall to shit, and thats not cool
[SUdawggirl] well, I might be adequate if I tried... I might fail, but at least I could say I was up to the challenge
[Whitney_Bug] lol!!

[SFishy] I'd like to hear you all say (even if you have a hard time believing it) why you would be totally ADEQUATE in a given situation...

[kittybaloo] I like you people who say positive stuff
[babyblueeyez] i am adequate in any situation because even when it comes down to the line and the last minute i always succeed and if i don't it's never the end of the world and life does go on
[edawg] I tend to get frightened and run away
[khodem] each situation is part of what is real to me and God will not give me more than I can handle he puts people in my path
[Whitney_Bug] I am because I have good attitudes
[ironchick] But what do you do when you realize that you've made a mess of things?
[Whitney_Bug] like we said before, that's 90% of the game
[pooh_bear_fan] im adequate in a given situation, cause i can only try my best, and thats all anyone can expect
[Picasso] I would be totally adequate in a situation because i am normally one who can look for a solution or am willing to.
[Kensington] good point, pooh
[ironchick] But that's the thing, what if you've been insisting you're adequate, and then you realize that you've made a mess of everything?
[Whitney_Bug] ironchick, if you make a mistake, that is OK, don't expect perfection
[Whitney_Bug] i think you're insisting perfection, though
[kittybaloo] I always get scared
[edawg] What if you aren't adequate, though?

[SFishy] it's okay to make mistakes, even big huge messy ones

[Whitney_Bug] adequacy means you're aloud to goof up every now and th en
[Kensington] it it werent for mistakes,we wouldn't learn much
[Picasso] that's a good point: adequate and perfect are very different. i need to allow myself to be simply adequate.
[nicolealberts] but the feeling of prefection is always there

[SFishy] that's just it edawg... you are always adequate. Recognizing your REALISTIC limitations (not perceived limitations) is adequacy too

[challenge] is it ever!!!(perfectionistic feelings that is...)
[edawg] I'm sorry, adequate just is good enogh for me
[ironchick] There's a difference between knowing that making mistakes is okay and completely screwing up.

[SFishy] adequate isn't a "just"

[ironchick] yeah, what if you aren't adequate?
[SUdawggirl] but pushing beyond unrealistic expectations is important because it reminds you that you are on the same level as everyone else, and they probably don't expect as much out of you as you expect out of yourself
[ironchick] Sorry, I seem to be playing the devil'
[challenge] g'nite all - be good to yourselves......
[kittybaloo] I hate perfect
[SUdawggirl] Gnight heather
[Kensington] flip side is, what if you ARE adequate? there's fear to that too
[Whitney_Bug] then I think your ed is tricking you iron
[pooh_bear_fan] ciao challenge

[SFishy] try to take care of YOU challenge

[edawg] screwing up implies that one goes out of their way to mess things up whereas mistakes are unintended and forgivable
[Whitney_Bug] manda, you lost me there totally, please try to explain
[ironchick] :) yeah. I go to the ED clinic for the first time next weekend
[babyblueeyez] u guys i need some advice....how do u beat the urge to b/p its sooo hard....i actually ate normally today and now i feel soo full and i have the urge to just go b/p
[Whitney_Bug] I hope it goes well for you!
[kittybaloo] I feel ignored, am I annoying?

[SFishy] you are doing fine kittybaloo

[Kensington] ignored how?
[ironchick] That's a good point, edawg.
[Kensington] babyblue, have you looked at the coping page on this site? ways to cope & a coping bank, etc
[SUdawggirl] when you get past the unrealistic expectations of perfection, it kinda kicks you back to reality. There's no point in trying to do what you can't. If you expect only perfection from yourself, you will fail. And how does always failing make a person feel?
[kittybaloo] I just feel like I am being annoying for being negative
[babyblueeyez] yeah a little
[SUdawggirl] if you have realistic expectations, you feel better about yourself.
[babyblueeyez] but does that stuff really help
[ironchick] Ooooh, try to be calm, sweetie. Just breathe . . .
[Kensington] you're doing fine, hon

* SFishy says: there is no such thing as perfect -- trying to get to something that doesn't exist is only self-defeating

[babyblueeyez] i always find it so much easier to just go b/p so i can stop thinking about it
[ironchick] You can do this. You don't have to b/p if you don't want to.
[Whitney_Bug] oh, now I get it, thanks for redirecting it
[edawg] My advice, baby, is to see your time in small blocks (ten or twenty minutes) and distract yourself by focusing on one block at a time
[Kensington] it's easy in the short term, maybe, but it leads to long term misery & doesnt solve the real problems
[Whitney_Bug] hola du
[nicolealberts] it is easy to look at a shorter time even if it is 5 min. at a time
[ironchick] Please don't feel ignored! Jump right in!
[du] hi

[SFishy] I have two other phrases I want to get to tonight everyone... so lets go to the next one...

[edawg] I just finished reading Life Size, a lot of the story is how the main character is striving for perfection
[babyblueeyez] thats a good idea edawg
[nicolealberts] hit us
[Whitney_Bug] aaah hahaha

[SFishy] tell me how it makes you feel... tell me how it can effect you in a positive way to say it...

[du] ok
[nicolealberts] k
[du] k


[ironchick] But think about how you will feel afterwards. Is it somethign you WANT to do?
[Broken_hearted] nothing positive comes to mind...sorry
[Broken_hearted] it's too broad a statement
[SUdawggirl] it means you don't have to be self-sacrificing all the time
[Whitney_Bug] it makes me think about binging
[du] it makes me think about love
[Whitney_Bug] wait, now it makes me think about restricing
[kittybaloo] It makes me feel part of something
[Whitney_Bug] damn this bulimarexiz
[Whitney_Bug] *bulimarexia*
[khodem] There is plenty of life, prosperity and love
[Picasso] hmmm...it makes me think of how i buy food for my children that they enjoy but not for myself because i feel like i have to save the money.
[Kensington] if there's enuf for me of everything, i dont have to scramble for it & can relaz
[Kensington] relax
[edawg] I am not sure I understand the statement
[du] that I can be loved...if I allow myself to be loved
[Broken_hearted] it is very broad
[Broken_hearted] could be said about anything
[ironchick] Well, to be honest it makes me think that even if there is enough, I don't deserve any--I'm not good enough . . . but I guess that's the ED talking.

[SFishy] plenty of love, plenty of acceptance, plenty of friendship, plenty of money, plenty of therapists, plenty of good people, plenty of jobs, plenty of money...

[SUdawggirl] it makes me feel less like I have to deny myself in order to BE myself
[SFishy] think about something emotional you need and fill in the blank yourself...

[kittybaloo] Plenty of cigarettes


[Whitney_Bug] maybe to me it means that I can be satisfied with what I have, that I don't need to be greedy, there's plenty of God to go around, there's enough of Him for me, even though I might not be the best follower
[Broken_hearted] There is plenty of zoloft for me
[pooh_bear_fan] there is enough...plenty for everyone'' - i dont need to binge, food will still be there tomorrow .... :UGH
[ironchick] Picasso, I can really relate to that. Except I don't have kids . . . but I have a Hubby.
[Whitney_Bug] lol @ kittybaloo, but not plenty of money to pay for them
[Picasso] plenty of acceptance.
[Kensington] plenty of future health
[Picasso] ((ironchick))
[du] there is plenty of love and acepting people for me
[edawg] I think eating causes guilt mostly because I feel undeserving
[nicolealberts] plenty of family time
[ironchick] The more I think about it, the more I realize, that's a really thought provoking statemtent.
[Broken_hearted] plenty of nitrazepam
[pooh_bear_fan] there is plenty - so i am in my right to ask for help cause there is plenty for everyone so i shouldnt have to miss out
[Kensington] amen, pooh
[nicolealberts] that is right pooh bear fan
[kittybaloo] plenty of time to study
[ironchick] It makes me realize I've been blaming Hubby for feelings he has nothign to do with.
[ironchick] Except there aren't plenty of cigs here . . . . spare a smoke?
[ironchick] lol
[Picasso] its hard to accept that there is plenty of acceptance, when i can put my finger on plenty of rejections
[kittybaloo] to ironchick ======o cigarette
[SUdawggirl] plenty of time to study... that's novel. I might have to use that one!
[nicolealberts] iron i also do the same thing
[edawg] it is easier to remember the times we were rejected than the times we were accepted
[ironchick] thanks kitty :0

[SFishy] yes, especially if acceptance is what you need

[Whitney_Bug] there's plenty of attention for everyone,so I don't have to hoard it all

[SFishy] how about... there is plenty of SELF-ACCEPTANCE for me also??

[kittybaloo] your welcome : )--
[edawg] I guess we remember the rejction more because of the pain attached to it
[du] I definitely need acceptance
[SUdawggirl] oy. I don't feel like there is most of the time
[ironchick] especially if acceptance is something you aren't giving yourself.
[Picasso] hadn't thought of self-acceptance.
[Kensington] I am plenty ME for me, not in size but in spirit, soul, potential, etc
[ironchick] There's plenty of attention for everyone, so I can ask for some ifI need it.
[Whitney_Bug] ok, there's plenty of self-acceptance, so I don't need to be the center of attention
[khodem] I acceptance myself and I am developing skills to better my personel being
[ironchick] (wry laugh) self acceptance? What is that, exactly?
[edawg] I am so busy seeking acceptance from everyone around me, I tend to forget that I need to accept myself first
[pooh_bear_fan] well its my dinner time .so this little bear must be off :o)
[edawg] adios
[pooh_bear_fan] thanks amy for the chat
[kittybaloo] bye Pooh
[Whitney_Bug] yay, i'll see ya off
[Picasso] good night PoohBearFan
[pooh_bear_fan] ciao for now
[Kensington] nite michelle

[SFishy] we've got one more phrase everyone...
[SFishy] take care of you PBF
[SFishy] remember... tell me how it makes you feel, and why it would be good for you to say...

[SUdawggirl] hahahahaha!!


[ironchick] Have a good dinner pooh bear
[Whitney_Bug] there's no such thing as cyber smoke
[SUdawggirl] lol
[kittybaloo] I don't know, I have never accepted myself
[Kensington] I can't truly give myself & love to others if i'm busy hating myself, so when i love myself it's easier to love others
[Picasso] (noting how silent the room became)
[khodem] Life is better and I can love other better my heart rejoices
[SUdawggirl] I love others, but I find it impossible to love myself
[Whitney_Bug] when I love myself, there's more than enough for others
[nicolealberts] i can't seem to love myself but i love others easy enough
[Kensington] "impossible" can mean "i'm possible" (sark)
[kittybaloo] Menthol

[SFishy] Think about the phrase "LOVE OTHERS IS EASY... WHEN I LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF!" -- now think about this question... if you don't love yourself you can't believe other truly love you... if you don't believe they love you, how can you TRULY love them back?

[edawg] self hatred perpetuates jealousy and makes loving, in any form, very difficult
[nicolealberts] we can really love them back because we know in our hearts they are our sole mates
[ironchick] Love myself? Why whatever for. To love others better, of course.
[SUdawggirl] well, honestly, I often feel like the people in my life tell me they love me because they're humoring me
[SUdawggirl] like it's not a reality
[ironchick] I believe others love me, I just think they are hopelessly misguided and deluded.

[SFishy] if you don't love yourself you tend to say "I don't deserve this person" or "this person is going to leave me" or "I'm messing this realtionship up" or ...
[edawg] I wonder why people love me
[Whitney_Bug] when I love and accept myself, it shows, I naturally radiate that out to others ;-b
[nicolealberts] i agree i think when someone tells we they love we I ask what do you want?
[SUdawggirl] I feel like that, too, iron. a mixture of the two
[nicolealberts] I always waiting for my husband of a week to say it is over now
[ironchick] I believe Hubby loves me more than anything, but if he really knew me, he'd be repulsed.

[SFishy] I may have known on one level that Tony (MrFishy) was my soulmate... BUT I was always insecure he was going to leave. It contaminated our love. Loving myself freed me to truly love him

[kittybaloo] smoking my Marlboro menthol
[Whitney_Bug] oy, menthols
[ironchick] My whole life is based on that, keeping everyone from realizing what a worthless s--- I am.
[Whitney_Bug] iron, isn't that exausting?
[ironchick] Me too, edawg.
[Kensington] imagine if you freed up all that time & energy for other things

[SFishy] so iron... thinking of the phrase, how could saying it impact on your positively?
[Picasso] Amy, i relate to that. and feeling like he is going to leave me makes me feel like i have to put up walls to protect myself from that hurt.
[ironchick] Yes, self-love is very attractive to others.

[SFishy] yes Picasso!!!
[SFishy] and really, you are walling YOURSELF in, not walling him out... wouldn't you agree?

[nicolealberts] i also put up the walls to protect myself so thata me and my children don't gt hurt
[Kensington] yep
[ironchick] I don't think they want anything, I just think they don't realize whom they're loving. Like I have to keep them from seeing how horrible I am.
[Picasso] yes....but i need to think further on this.
[edawg] no offense, but reciting affirmations also made me giggle, because I don't believe them
[ironchick] You've just been married a week and your husband hasn't said it?!?
[Kensington] most people giggle & have trouble at first, edawg

[SFishy] it's okay if you don't believe them.. it's okay for them to make you giggle... but keep saying them... even giggling is better than frowning all day with negative thoughts, don't you agree?

[edawg] i live in a box
[edawg] perhaps
[SUdawggirl] I feel like I've driven off the only guy who will ever really care about me
[Whitney_Bug] I'm in a relationship now, the first "real" time since being discharged, it's going slow, just the way it needs to be

* SFishy gives edawg some crayons and a hammer and says start coloring that box some nice colors and hammer some holes in it

[kittybaloo] I live with a fake smile
[ironchick] I really don't think Hubby would ever leave me; if that were the case, he'd have already been long gone.
[ironchick] But I can't, for the life of me, figure out why he stays.
[edawg] there are plenty of fish in the sea (hee hee)
[ironchick] Yes, it is. Horribly so.
[Kensington] cuz you are worthy of love despite your own feelings, maybe?
[Whitney_Bug] I think that Gabe is happy for me when I make some progress here and there

[SFishy] because he sees something in your that you should want to learn to see :)

[ironchick] Yes, well, thus the appoint at the clinic next weekend.
[ironchick] I'm really, really tired of this.
[Picasso] you know, when we're walled in, we can't feel the reality of someone's love and acceptance....its like i'm walled in with only my own negative thoughts. somehow i need to open the box up.
[Kensington] well said, amy

[SFishy] Everyone... I'd like to end tonight with you all completing the following phrase...

[kittybaloo] I've gotta go, bye everyone


[Picasso] goodnight kittybaloo

[SFishy] be kind to yourself kittybaloo!

[Kensington] nite kitty, take care
[nicolealberts] i am worth learning to love myself for my children.
[ironchick] Well, it doesn't seem so hard to love others, when I'm this bad, and they love me anyway, how can I help but to love them?
[Kensington] i am worth learning to love myself becuz all others options suck
[ironchick] That is a very interesting thing to say. And quite true, I think.

[SFishy] come on all...

[Picasso] i am worth learning to love myself because hating myself isn't the way i want to live the rest of my life. its too miserable.
[ironchick] Touche . . .
[SUdawggirl] I am worth learning to love myself because it will help the kids I work with to love themselves
[ironchick] Except I have to put up the walls so I don't hurt him.
[Whitney_Bug] I am worth learning to love myself because I have already started to learn who I genuinely am. Learning who I am is learning how to love myself. I am worth loving myself simply because I am myself, and that makes me so incredibly special
[ironchick] If he really saw me, he'd be so disappointed in what he married.
[Picasso] ((((Whitney)))
[Whitney_Bug] ooooh, good one manda
[nicolealberts] what to go whitney

[SFishy] come on iron... I want you to try...

[ironchick] lol edawg
[edawg] I nearly lost my life more than once and I believe that is reason enough to learn to love myself
[Whitney_Bug] oh, thanks guys
[Whitney_Bug] good deal edawg, good answer

* SFishy sticks her ear out...

[edawg] obviously my parents, who have always been there to pick me up and god see something I am blind too
[Whitney_Bug] I'm out for now, thank you so much for the chat everyone!!!
[Whitney_Bug] actually I'm going to way for ironchick
[SUdawggirl] God bless whit
[Kensington] "there are none so blind as those who will not see"
[Kensington] nite whitney
[Picasso] goodnight Whitney
[nicolealberts] good night whitney
[Whitney_Bug] g'nite kensington ;-b

[SFishy] ironchick... I know you have at least one quality you can share with us that makes you worth loving yourself...

[Kensington] :ear

[SFishy] push ear.gif _self

[Kensington] lol
[Kensington] come on, iron!
[ironchick] I am worth learning to love myuself because the alternative just does not bear thinking about.
* Whitney_Bug gives ironchick a comfort hug and hopes for an answer to amy's phrase
[Picasso] (((((Ironchick)))))
[ironchick] nite whitney
[Kensington] well there ya go!!

[SFishy] well I hope you will at least think about it and try on your own ironchick
[SFishy] eveyrone... thank yourselves for coming tonight and for TRYING! Trying is all we ever ask!
[SFishy] you CAN recover!

[khodem] SFishy I sent you an e-mail I wanted to read Jeannie's last chat I could get in-can you sent it to me??

[SFishy] and you CAN learn to love yourself
[SFishy] you all deserve so much self-love

[Picasso] thankyou so much )(((((AMY)))))) for being willing to do these. :love
[ironchick] I am worth learning to love myself because people believe in me, and they can't all be wrong.
[nicolealberts] i wish i could belive that

[SFishy] we'll have a follow-up game in the forums in the next few days...

[khodem] thanks and thank you for your time tonight

* SFishy applauds for Ironchick!

[SUdawggirl] yay iron!!!

[SFishy] push supergrin.gif _self

[nicolealberts] way to go iron chic

[SFishy] everyone... be good to youselves...

* Whitney_Bug joins in the applause and starts the wave
[Whitney_Bug] i used to be a cheerleader, and I'm a dork!
[SUdawggirl] lol
[Whitney_Bug] hooway

[SFishy] have a great night all... and thanks again for coming! We'll see you next month!

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