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SFWED Live Chat for Support
Chat Support

Below you will find the list of available chat transcripts. Some of the older chats have not been included yet, but will appear here in the future.


Fishing for Support Chat -- DECEMBER, 2000



[SFishy] as with all our chats, all the same rules apply -- no numbers (weights, sizes, calories), and now answers to questions that would help you sink further into your ED
[SFishy] these chats are about working towards recovery...
[SFishy] even though not all of you may be IN "recovery" -- we can all take steps to taking better care of US
[SFishy] and that's the goal ;)
[SFishy] SO... we're going to get started

[MrFishy] Welcome all!

[SFishy] Last month we talked about coping with the holidays using your senses...
[SFishy] site, smell, touch and hearing...
[SFishy] this month we're going to talk about coping with the holidays in very concrete ways...
[SFishy] abstract is good, but sometimes we also need REAL answers to REAL problems

[MrFishy] when we were kids...
[MrFishy] the holidays were about fun...
[MrFishy] presents...
[MrFishy] off from school...
[MrFishy] that kinda stuff...
[MrFishy] BUT...
[MrFishy] as we got older...
[MrFishy] something else creeped in to our lifes...
[MrFishy] STRESS
[MrFishy] (boo hiss)
[MrFishy] that EVIL word that makes us all do things we dont want to sometimes...
[MrFishy] or feel things we dont want to sometimes...
[MrFishy] so...
[MrFishy] first question...
[MrFishy] and remeber the guidlines to answering them please...
[MrFishy] Name some stressful stuff at holiday time!

[aly_cat] money
[rubydreamer] money....
[HopeMadison] family
[Jack] gift buying
[courage] fAMILY
[honey_bear] family gatherings
[eeyore_tc] no family
[ballerinagirl] family
[honey_bear] 6 of them
[Millificent] money, definitely
[varmaflower] family
[Beit] freetime
[tazbugsmom] fathers
[Anonymous_Member005] family
[mootopia] SOLITUDE
[HopeMadison] money
[Charr] parents
[mary] family, social obligations
[courage] MEMORIES
[eeyore_tc] being alone
[honey_bear] finding presents for others
[Jack] my brother-in-law
[mary] memories
[honey_bear] being away from loved ones
[eeyore_tc] swhopping
[rubydreamer] time...
[Charr] people
[HopeMadison] memories
[Charr] crowds
[aly_cat] cold
[courage] loneliness
[rubydreamer] trying to make everyone happy
[Anonymous_Member005] parties
[varmaflower] being around too many people in a house
[honey_bear] my irritable brother with whom I stayed the whole month
[tazbugsmom] clothes
[ballerinagirl] turning the pages for the stressed out music director at midnight mass when he looks like he's about to have a heart attack..lol
[Keenie] shopping, work, family
[mary] darkness
[ballerinagirl] missing my sisters :(
[Charr] rain
[honey_bear] TOOO many people and TOOO many gatherings
[mootopia] paranoia
[varmaflower] having to eat to plase the whole family
[Jack] thinking you have the perfect gift and finding out it's not so perfect
[Anonymous_Member005] missing my friends
[Charr] chocoloate
[ballerinagirl] the mall
[HopeMadison] no family
[honey_bear] snow and I don't know how to drive in it
[mootopia] varmaflower: ditto
[honey_bear] being away from friends
[Jack] shopping
[ballerinagirl] too much snow
[Beit] less company
[aly_cat] too many places to go
[HopeMadison] coldness
[Charr] fear
[tazbugsmom] children in the house for hours on end
[Charr] anxiety
[honey_bear] too much to do
[HopeMadison] darkness
[Jack] running around like crazy trying to get to everyone

[SFishy] thanks for sharing everyone!

[MrFishy] wow.....lots of stressors there huh?

[SFishy] lets talk about one of them... one of the biggest ones for many...
[SFishy] dealing with FAMILY or lots of PEOPLE at the holiday gathering

[MrFishy] yes

[SFishy] this is something that can feel like torture
[SFishy] so we have to find ways to better deal with the stress...

[MrFishy] healthier ways

[SFishy] that may mean, for some of us, to limit the gatherings we commit ourselves to...
[SFishy] or limiting the time we stay at these parties...

[MrFishy] time for oneself

[SFishy] or setting boudaries with the people around us that we will be communicating with...

[MrFishy] protecting ourselves

[SFishy] asking them politely to please not put pressure on us, or argue with us during what is supposed to be a festive time

[MrFishy] taking care of ourselves

[SFishy] of course, we can't keep ALL stressors out... or all conflicts at bay...

[MrFishy] too hard to do...

[SFishy] so we also have to figure out ways to cope with the anxiety of going to these gatherings, and the aftermath of being there
[SFishy] can I hear some suggestions from all of you...

[MrFishy] healthy strategies

[SFishy] ways that you have coped this year with stressors...
[SFishy] or ways that you think you could better cope with them?

[Charr] taking a bath
[mootopia] singing
[honey_bear] writing
[courage] take a short walk
[Jack] reading
[Keenie] stay home
[Charr] call a friend
[honey_bear] leisure walk
[courage] go for a drive
[Jack] crocheting
[mary] sleeping?
[honey_bear] play the piano
[HopeMadison] listening to music
[catchow] this year i cancelled all of these stressor get together
[mootopia] walking my dog
[Millificent] read a good book
[khrys] being honest
[honey_bear] take a long nap
[ruach] I started shortening length of visits to one nite instead of 2
[ballerinagirl] reading
[Anonymous_Member005] write
[Keenie] squirt squirrels
[honey_bear] talk to a friend
[courage] draw
[Charr] write on boards
[Jack] enjoying the car rides with my husband
[ballerinagirl] chasing the cat
[Charr] take deep breathes
[honey_bear] TAKE MEDS.... instead of avoiding them
[Anonymous_Member005] call a friend
[mootopia] drawing moustaches on photos
[mary] playing with my dog
[varmaflower] watch tv?
[Anonymous_Member005] paint
[La] cuddle with my cat :)
[rubydreamer] journaled...
[HopeMadison] talf to a friend
[Charr] goto a movie
[ballerinagirl] talk to my sisters
[Jack] take a bath
[Charr] dance in my room
[HopeMadison] come to SF
[Keenie] nap with my dog
[varmaflower] sleep overmy friend's house
[honey_bear] dance around the den
[Pink_Princess] b board/diary
[DysphoriaStabs] wrote songs
[Charr] draw
[honey_bear] sing into a hairbrush
[ballerinagirl] dance
[rubydreamer] worked on a scrapbook ;)
[Charr] listen to nice music
[courage] lol
[Keenie] paint
[Millificent] being honest about what i need
[honey_bear] color
[Pink_Princess] Yoga
[ballerinagirl] hugged my stuffed animals
[honey_bear] talk to mom
[Jack] sleeping
[varmaflower] playing sega with my sister

[MrFishy] good answers!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SFishy] GREAT ANSWERS everyone

[MrFishy] what i saw....
[MrFishy] some people used some sort of distraction...
[MrFishy] good deal...
[MrFishy] others got there emotions out in a healthy way...
[MrFishy] awesome...
[MrFishy] others found a way to find time just to enjoy themsleves...
[MrFishy] good for you!
[MrFishy] stressors....
[MrFishy] stink...
[MrFishy] blow...
[MrFishy] drive ya mad...
[MrFishy] BUT
[MrFishy] there ARE ways to deal with them.....
[MrFishy] not all...
[MrFishy] and not a hundred percent of the time...
[MrFishy] but sometimes...
[MrFishy] all ya need is SOMETHING...
[MrFishy] to get ya thru...

[SFishy] It's important to remember that working to take care of you
[SFishy] and working at recovery
[SFishy] doesn't mean you won't FEEL things
[SFishy] it doesn't mean you will feel happy-go-lucky all the time
[SFishy] it's important to know that recovery is as much about FEELING even the emotions that hurt
[SFishy] and that make us angry
[SFishy] but we learn better ways to express ourselves
[SFishy] to deal with these emotions
[SFishy] to get them out
[SFishy] what are some of the emotions everyone is feeling this time of year with all the holiday stress?

[ballerinagirl] sad :(
[Charr] sad
[courage] sadness
[honey_bear] frustration
[Jack] depression
[HopeMadison] anxiety
[Charr] anxious
[Jack] anger
[tazbugsmom] frustration
[ballerinagirl] tired
[Anonymous_Member005] angry
[Beit] confused
[tazbugsmom] anxiety
[Charr] depressed
[Anonymous_Member005] scared
[HopeMadison] sadness
[Keenie] anxiety and depression
[ballerinagirl] frustrated
[Millificent] lonliness
[DysphoriaStabs] NOSTALGIC
[varmaflower] bore
[courage] numbness
[JMSBISMARCK] sad
[Keenie] stuck
[Charr] confused
[ballerinagirl] lonely
[lisas] sad and depressed
[Pink_Princess] Numbness
[sanzo] dont get me started
[ballerinagirl] scared
[Anonymous_Member005] lonley
[HopeMadison] panic
[Charr] smily
[doctor_amino] churning
[tazbugsmom] grief
[eight] anxiety--that's a good one
[Jack] panic
[mary] bipolar, illness, panic
[sanzo] sore from shoveling
[Jack] fear
[Beit] not cared about
[ballerinagirl] numb
[JMSBISMARCK] alond
[HopeMadison] depression
[Anonymous_Member005] depressed
[eight] panic--that too
[honey_bear] confusion
[Charr] lonly
[Charr] bitter
[Jack] misunderstood
[tazbugsmom] panic
[rubydreamer] sadness
[Millificent] bittersweet
[rubydreamer] overwhelmed
[Charr] resentful
[lisas] alone
[Charr] ashamed
[Beit] troubled
[HopeMadison] scared
[queen_tanya] mad
[ballerinagirl] invisible
[honey_bear] sore from exercise
[queen_tanya] groos
[eight] hard to cope with everything with the ed and with the family knowing about it too
[Anonymous_Member005] misunderstood
[Beit] overloaded
[sanzo] good one queen
[sarah_jane] depressed, inadequate
[Charr] stupid
[tazbugsmom] SCARED
[DysphoriaStabs] inferior
[tazbugsmom] frightened
[Pink_Princess] isolated from reality
[sanzo] confused
[sanzo] and unsure
[mootopia] dazed
[Charr] shameful
[ballerinagirl] veryveryveryvery scared
[tazbugsmom] definitely inferior
[mary] inadiquate
[courage] misplaced
[honey_bear] inadequate
[ballerinagirl] out of place
[Jack] alone
[doctor_amino] disgust at self for coming from such a family.
[Beit] cold
[mary] alone
[honey_bear] torn
[ballerinagirl] sad
[Charr] horrible
[honey_bear] broken
[tazbugsmom] outside looking in
[sarah_jane] a failure
[Anonymous_Member005] terrible
[honey_bear] alone
[mary] mixed up
[varmaflower] tired.lonely

[MrFishy] good share...

[SFishy] thank you all for sharing your emotions
[SFishy] I know it can be hard to do

[MrFishy] i always find something ironic....
[MrFishy] while in the midst of an ed...
[MrFishy] you tend to feel diffrent from everyone else...
[MrFishy] like its only YOU who feels this way....
[MrFishy] i hope that everyone saw wat i saw....
[MrFishy] that everyone here is in essence the same....
[MrFishy] everyone FEELS things ....
[MrFishy] just wanted to point that out

[SFishy] I want to share with all of you a little story about this holiday season...
[SFishy] because I am recovered...
[SFishy] and it's important to know that just because I'm recovered, that doesn't mean I don't have to deal with all the same stress
[SFishy] I had a hard time with my family this year and certain comments they made about spending time with them...
[SFishy] and through my process of recovery I realized something very important...
[SFishy] I HAVE THE POWER to change me... and to change how I choose to react to this stressful situations...
[SFishy] but I do not have the power to change THEM
[SFishy] even though I may want to
[SFishy] can you call share with me something you would like to have the power to change...
[SFishy] but something you realize you CAN'T change...
[SFishy] even though you may want to?

[doctor_amino] there are times you just want to create peace, but that can rarely happen.
[Charr] my looks
[ballerinagirl] being so far away from my sisters :'(
[sanzo] my soon to be ex hubby
[tazbugsmom] my father's reaction to me and to my children
[Anonymous_Member005] my mom
[ballerinagirl] my MOTHER
[tazbugsmom] my sister
[Charr] my family
[sanzo] there is no changing him
[HopeMadison] what people think about me
[Millificent] my friends' negativity and EDs
[Jack] my aunt and uncle and their feelings about my husband
[honey_bear] the way my parents perceive me
[Anonymous_Member005] family
[Keenie] me
[varmaflower] family
[Anonymous_Member006] mya ngel
[sarah_jane] my ex-husbands attitude to the kids
[mootopia] self restraint
[JMSBISMARCK] my mom
[honey_bear] my boyfriend
[ALWAYSHOPE] The fact that my mom refuses to learn about eds.
[sanzo] dont even have the desire to try
[ballerinagirl] the fact that the dance studio is closed during the holidays
[Charr] how the world sees me
[Jack] my in-laws
[Pink_Princess] The way my family think I can pull my socks up even after so long :(
[Anonymous_Member006] the past
[Mallie] hi mommy
[courage] that I'll never have " mother"
[doctor_amino] brother's autism!! good one, huh?
[Charr] other peoples negativity
[DysphoriaStabs] my father's perspective on life
[HopeMadison] my family
[tazbugsmom] make my dad see that I have value as a person and that my weight is incidental
[ballerinagirl] everyone else
[mary] my chronic illness, my family
[caragh2] +hi darling
[courage] my past
[Charr] being DID
[Anonymous_Member005] my past
[Jack] my ed
[honey_bear] that some people just don't care
[Charr] my abuse
[tazbugsmom] my health ... being disabled sucks
[HopeMadison] same as courage
[sanzo] me past as well
[momtofour] others approval
[mootopia] my cabbage patch nose and cheeks
[madge] that im bi polar
[doctor_amino] courage, i understand that.
[mary] my past
[mootopia] phllbb
[rubydreamer] My parents
[honey_bear] when I choose my ED over recovery
[Jack] the fact that I have had it
[princessladybug] parents
[Charr] the weather!
[Daily] What id DID?
[La] oother people being diet obsessed
[Anonymous_Member006] second charr
[madge] my head
[Anonymous_Member005] my ed over recovery as well
[lisas] the last 13 years
[Beit] tiime
[mootopia] the image others have that i'm antisocial
[Millificent] ditto La
[ALWAYSHOPE] How my mom is obessed with perfection and tries to get it through me.
[honey_bear] LA....
[Charr] Dissociative Identity disorder
[staradh] society
[Jack] manic depression
[JMSBISMARCK] society
[sanzo] the ppl in show biz
[Charr] DID
[Mallie] i tried to whisper that
[tazbugsmom] my dad's not accepting me
[mary] my mental health stuff
[queen_tanya] me..
[queen_tanya] all of me
[Anonymous_Member005] the world

[SFishy] again, thank you all for sharing... I know it can be painful...

[MrFishy] good share...lots of honesty...thank you

[SFishy] now along the same lines...
[SFishy] what is something you can change about YOU and how you react to these stressors in your life...
[SFishy] something positive...
[SFishy] and non-food/wieght/ED related
[SFishy] ???

[tazbugsmom] write it in a journal
[honey_bear] choose not to engage in ED
[rubydreamer] My schedule...
[courage] the way I feel about ME
[Charr] eat healthy
[Jack] not taking things so personally
[staradh] my jpb
[Charr] taking care of me
[courage] my life now
[Mallie] i dont know
[Daily] I swirtch ddictions.
[HopeMadison] how I react
[lisas] self esteem
[honey_bear] reach out and ask for help
[mootopia] what i buy at the supermarket
[ALWAYSHOPE] MODELS]
[doctor_amino] take 10.
[madge] patience
[Jack] my need for approval
[Charr] feeling good about myself
[Anonymous_Member005] write in a journal
[sanzo] talk to ppl...and be open with the ones who love me
[tazbugsmom] talk to those who do care for me as me when my dad judges me unfairly
[ballerinagirl] what i say back to people
[Alexandra] I can be not afraid to speak up more often.
[honey_bear] avoid triggers
[varmaflower] my low-self esteem
[Millificent] telling people when i need space
[Anonymous_Member005] keep all of my appointments
[honey_bear] talk it out
[honey_bear] take time for me
[DysphoriaStabs] stopping exaggerating events and being irrational
[Charr] my depression
[mary] my triggers
[Jack] taking time out for me
[honey_bear] call my T
[Pink_Princess] Not reading fashion magazines
[momtofour] focus on self care
[Anonymous_Member006] my attitaude
[Anonymous_Member005] take time for me
[courage] i can be open and honest
[madge] be brave and honest
[HopeMadison] share what i am feeling instead of keeping it bottled up
[sanzo] thats right Honey......triggers are bad
[Charr] taking care of all my parts
[JMSBISMARCK] let myself eat
[courage] ask for help
[Charr] getting them help
[mary] my view of the world....well that's debatable
[ballerinagirl] choosing to avoid people who make me feel bad
[sanzo] thats a good one Hope
[Charr] eek...gotta go!!
[Charr] :(
[Jack] sitting on the bench on my front porch and thinking of the good things in my life
[Charr] BYE!
[honey_bear] good idea sarah
[courage] my surroundings
[sanzo] Talk
[tazbugsmom] tell my Dad that he's judging me and how it's effected me and now is effecting my children
[sanzo] talk
[SFishy] take care of YOU Charr!
[DysphoriaStabs] voicing my needs
[Mallie] trying again
[Anonymous_Member006] watching sunstes and stars
[Charr] ok!
[doctor_amino] realizing there are limitations and allowing that to just be.
[mary] bye charr
[mootopia] ciao a tutti i gotta go salut a tous
[sanzo] dont be quiet
[Mallie] I did
[madge] not reacting immediatly (without thinking)
[sanzo] good one madge
[mary] my overreactions
[honey_bear] take care of ourse4lves
[ballerinagirl] not pick arguments like i sometimes fo :-/
[ALWAYSHOPE] Learn a new copingskill.
[Anonymous_Member005] tell people they have hurt me

[SFishy] great answers everyone

[MrFishy] awesome share
[MrFishy] sharing...
[MrFishy] how we feel...
[MrFishy] wat we are thinking....
[MrFishy] those are some very good points there...
[MrFishy] like amy said...
[MrFishy] she herself went thru a ruff time this hjoliday...
[MrFishy] and i think the thing that helped her the most...
[MrFishy] was to be able to say...
[MrFishy] THIS hurt me...
[MrFishy] i was HURT by this...
[MrFishy] get it out...
[MrFishy] and by getting it out...
[MrFishy] she was slowly letting it go...

[SFishy] it can be very difficult to share...
[SFishy] it can be hard to share with others (trust issues)
[SFishy] it can be hard to admit to ourselves that we hurt
[SFishy] and hard to let ourselves feel it
[SFishy] but it IS such an important part of coping with whatever it is that we are going through
[SFishy] can you all tell me a positive way you have shared how you are feeling this holiday seasons...
[SFishy] either with yourself, with someone else... or both?

[KShine] crying
[ALWAYSHOPE] Good one mar
[courage] asked the bowl for help
[Anonymous_Member006] posted, wrote email, worte poems and drew
[Daily] I am feeling sorry for myself.
[Keenie] journaling
[DysphoriaStabs] Told my boyfriend that the holidays make me miss childhood
[varmaflower] for the first time today, I had the guess to tell mycoach something and he didn't even answer me back
[honey_bear] I talked to my mom about how I felt when she treated me like a child
[courage] talked to my mom
[Millificent] telilng my parents that I miss our old Christmas traditions
[sanzo] ive been happier than i have every been this holiday season
[Keenie] talked to friends
[Pink_Princess] Writing on the boards how my brother made me feel where as I would have bottled it up in the past
[Anonymous_Member005] asking the bowl for help
[varmaflower] gut not gess
[mary] talked to friends
[sanzo] ive got Andy here with me
[mary] e-mailed friended
[HopeMadison] talk and shared with a friend
[Jack] i gave my sister a very special gift and I told her that I was afraid it would not be as important to her as it was to me after she opened it and I saw that it was just as important
[ballerinagirl] called friends
[mary] called my therapist
[doctor_amino] I guess you have to be prepared because I have been told "you have the NICE LIFE", you don't know what suffering is. All you do is tell us how you feel, we don't care. To this I retorted, "I will continue because I never bothered you before with all this!"
[chicodiva] I talk with my friends
[honey_bear] telling my parents that I did not want to attend 7 family meals for christmas in a week
[tazbugsmom] wrote my feelings in a journal when I got mad at my dad over his christmas gift
[ballerinagirl] even if my parents hate the long distance bill..i called anyway
[Jack] talked with my family
[courage] made extra appointments
[Anonymous_Member005] e-mailed my nutrionist
[honey_bear] shared poetry
[mary] Ran up my LONG distance bill, (international calls)
[La] made plans (gasp)
[ballerinagirl] sang
[KShine] asked for a hug
[Anonymous_Member006] prayed
[varmaflower] complain to my friends on the phone
[doctor_amino] asked about family secrets, a big no-no.
[lisas] told myself next year will be better
[honey_bear] sang :-)
[madge] was with siblings frst time since really young,,shared
[mary] Sang
[staradh] played with my puppy
[Daily] I am in really bad shapel
[varmaflower] talk to my sister about mom..
[honey_bear] listened to Ottmar Liebbert Christmas music with familuy
[Anonymous_Member006] daily u ok
[Anonymous_Member005] wished on a star
[Jack] told my husband that he no longer had to try with my aunt and uncle because he couldn't change them
[Anonymous_Member006] star neat
[chicodiva] I snuggled with my dog
[ballerinagirl] made my cat look festive..hehe
[KShine] cuddled with my kids
[honey_bear] hehe

[MrFishy] awesome voices all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SFishy] thanks so much for sharing that everyone!
[SFishy] awesome answers
[SFishy] having a voice can be so difficult...
[SFishy] but making the effort to communicate our needs is something to be really proud of

[MrFishy] DEFINITELY

[SFishy] what needs do you have during the holiday seasons from your friends and family???

[ALWAYSHOPE] I always hope im getting better. and I am.
[sanzo] support
[Anonymous_Member005] support
[varmaflower] a voice
[sanzo] love
[momtofour] to be appreciated
[KShine] unconditional acceptance
[ballerinagirl] leave me alone
[Jack] understanding
[honey_bear] time and understanding
[Jack] love
[courage] hugs
[sanzo] thats right Kshine
[KShine] i can make my own decisions
[lisas] love
[HopeMadison] support
[honey_bear] love
[Millificent] just being with them
[Jack] support
[HopeMadison] love
[honey_bear] ti be treated like an adult
[varmaflower] to hear me out..a nd appreciate my decision
[sanzo] love
[Pink_Princess] acceptance
[KShine] i will do what is best for me and my kids
[chicodiva] i need them to not force me to eat!!!!!!!!
[KShine] ughhh blank
[courage] understanding
[Jack] don't watch every bite I put in my mouth
[lisas] not be stared at while trying to eat!
[sanzo] hi kamie
[courage] patience
[Anonymous_Member005] not to make comments about appearence
[Alexandra] love
[kamie] hi there!
[rubydreamer] acceptance
[HopeMadison] hearing what I have to say
[honey_bear] I need not to be pressured
[sanzo] thats right Jack
[sanzo] back off a little
[mary] love, support, friendship, understanding, acceptance
[Anonymous_Member005] understanding
[KShine] support
[honey_bear] openness
[doctor_amino] listening instead of ignoring and small talk.
[KShine] just a darn ear!!!
[ballerinagirl] UN-support as strange as it sounds...don't need it the way they think they are giving it
[KShine] lol
[ALWAYSHOPE] Support.
[momtofour] unconditional love
[chicodiva] I need my dad to realize that i'm not perfect and that I can have 'issues' too.
[sanzo] understanding that it isnt easy
[varmaflower] more independence
[DysphoriaStabs] Just to feel LOVED
[ALWAYSHOPE] Please learn about eds and don't assume you know all mom.
[courage] safety
[ballerinagirl] privacy
[Anonymous_Member005] acceptence
[KShine] a sober phone call from my dad lol
[Daily] i amj trying to love myself.
[madge] company
[ALWAYSHOPE] God
[Anonymous_Member005] unconditonal love
[ALWAYSHOPE] hope
[Anonymous_Member005] patience
[honey_bear] a chance to strike out on my own
[doctor_amino] that I am a special to them, not just this family member
[varmaflower] to give me a break
[Pink_Princess] warmth
[sanzo] patience is good star
[honey_bear] independence
[ALWAYSHOPE] Strength
[Anonymous_Member005] for them to tell me they support me
[chicodiva] I need my stepmom to drop dead :')
[KShine] just letting me be me
[ALWAYSHOPE] Kickboxing:)

[MrFishy] good answers

[SFishy] sometimes is can be scary to say EXACTLY what it is we need...
[SFishy] it's hard to come out and say "I need to feel loved by you"
[SFishy] or "I need to feel accepted by my ______ (insert relative here)"

[MrFishy] id like to try something....
[MrFishy] id like veryone to look at the last answer they posted....
[MrFishy] and imagine for a second.....
[MrFishy] you JUST said that to the person you want to say that to ......
[MrFishy] you KNOW deep inside you may not get the answer you want....
[MrFishy] or expect....
[MrFishy] but tellme....
[MrFishy] wat would they say? or....how would they react?
[MrFishy] HIT ME!

[courage] shock
[lisas] defensive
[ballerinagirl] don't be ridicuolous
[ballerinagirl] what are you talking about
[Pink_Princess] silence
[Anonymous_Member005] don't be stupid
[Jack] they didn't realize they did that
[tazbugsmom] I've never done that to you
[lisas] make a joke
[honey_bear] you know I love you
[ballerinagirl] i don't do that
[KShine] avoidance
[ballerinagirl] what do you mean
[courage] You always blame me
[rubydreamer] they would say...."i already accept you"
[KShine] change of subject
[HopeMadison] they would say "well thats what Im here for"
[tazbugsmom] I don't treat you that way
[Anonymous_Member005] What do you mean
[KShine] drop the issue
[ballerinagirl] for goodness sakes sarah
[ALWAYSHOPE] I think my mom wouldn't here me cuz she tunes me out.
[chicodiva] why do try to make something out of nothing. you have nothing to complain about.
[sanzo] dont know how to answer this one
[sanzo] hmmmmmm
[honey_bear] Artgrrl (Ally) sends her love, acks, and smooches
[varmaflower] i don't wan to disscuss it anyfarther.. (try my mom)
[La] would laugh
[Anonymous_Member005] silence
[Pink_Princess] what was that you said :(
[Alexandra] surprise
[madge] why do you have to be like that?
[ALWAYSHOPE] enough
[KShine] oh kristi you are exaggerating lol
[honey_bear] My mom said, "I treat you like an adult."
[Jack] what do you expect me to do, I don't know any other way to handle this?
[sanzo] dont think they would know what to say back
[ballerinagirl] stop being whiny/grumpy/antisocial/mean/...
[honey_bear] You're hurting me
[Anonymous_Member005] would tell me to leave
[ALWAYSHOPE] give it up theresa
[Jack] silence
[Jack] head down
[varmaflower] my mom would tellme I am not an adult so she make the decision for me.
[Anonymous_Member005] why do you say things like that to me
[ballerinagirl] WELL! and tehn walk away
[honey_bear] I can't believe you are saying this
[courage] nothing is ever right enough for you
[chicodiva] here...eat some pie kiddo, your paranoid
[HopeMadison] that they loved me
[honey_bear] Ally says hi to all
[KShine] i had it worse growing up kristi
[Millificent] we're too busy
[ALWAYSHOPE] Like I said, probably would not here me.
[Anonymous_Member005] i have given u every thign

[SFishy] thank you for sharing!!
[SFishy] I know that was hard!

[MrFishy] ok....
[MrFishy] i heard all of you....
[MrFishy] and i understand all of you....
[MrFishy] you all have a voice....
[MrFishy] and you (atleast in this excersize)
[MrFishy] used that voice to express a need....
[MrFishy] and from wat i see....most people on the other side wouldnt give you the answer you REALLY want to hear....

[SFishy] we want our familiy/friends to validate us
[SFishy] to validate what we are feeling
[SFishy] and it is truly painful when they do not
[SFishy] ultimately though...
[SFishy] we need to learn to validate ourselves...
[SFishy] to realize that what we are feeling IS valid... and that...
[SFishy] while we can't change THEM... we can change how we let these things effect us... and how we cope with the emotions
[SFishy] I am 30 years old...
[SFishy] I have been recovered for about two years...
[SFishy] and I will NOT get the acceptance I need from my father... I can only get it from within
[SFishy] what can you all tell yourself...
[SFishy] to reaffirm that you DO deserve whatever it is you need???
[SFishy] What thing can you say to yourself to validate YOU?

[courage] the bowl loves me!
[ballerinagirl] i have my sisters and they will always be here for me :)
[KShine] i am a good mommy
[honey_bear] It's their issue for not accpting me... not me
[HopeMadison] I am worth it
[Anonymous_Member005] Your special
[ALWAYSHOPE] Im good enough for me. Without Dad and mom.
[ballerinagirl] i'm alright after all
[Jack] I have a beautiful family
[sanzo] I am a good person
[Anonymous_Member005] I deserve to live w/out the ed
[chicodiva] My dog loves me unconditionaly and thats all that really matters!!!
[Jack] I have wonderful kids
[honey_bear] I AM WORTH IT!
[honey_bear] O dpm
[ALWAYSHOPE] I am special.
[sanzo] and i am a beautiful lady
[momtofour] it's ok
[tazbugsmom] I need to go ... kids need put to bed
[ALWAYSHOPE] I love life.
[ewlialovesme] i'm not crazy, it's my family
[ballerinagirl] i don't need to be whatever my parents think i am or should be
[Pink_Princess] You are good enough for today
[Jack] I am a good person
[HopeMadison] i deserve it
[Alexandra] If I am doing something acceptable, then I love myself no matter how anyone else reacts.
[honey_bear] I don't need their approval to be successful
[madge] i am a good person (noy enough)
[ALWAYSHOPE] I try. but imnot perfect\
[Millificent] i'm unique
[Anonymous_Member005] I'm intelligent
[HopeMadison] i deserve to be happy
[tazbugsmom] and if I stay in here much longer I'm gonna be in tears and I don't need my sons to see that
[KShine] if i feel something it is valid whether anyone else thinks so or not
[varmaflower] everyone need me because I make a different and help other
[rubydreamer] i am ME
[KShine] darn it blank again
[tazbugsmom] good night everyone
[Jack] I'm a good mother
[ALWAYSHOPE] bye taz
[Anonymous_Member005] I deserve a good live
[sanzo] i am a strong person
[tazbugsmom] bye always
[ballerinagirl] someone thinks i'm ok :)
[Jack] night taz
[honey_bear] As long as I give my best effort that's all that counts
[ewlialovesme] my friends are good people and they think i'm fine
[ballerinagirl] bye peggi
[Jack] take care
[tazbugsmom] bye ballerina
[Millificent] night PK
[honey_bear] bye PK
[tazbugsmom] night millificent
[HopeMadison] that it is okay to feel what I feel
[ALWAYSHOPE] I can do it without their support.
[ballerinagirl] i'm allowed to have feelings too
[madge] its never too late to have a happy childhood
[momtofour] I matter
[chicodiva] I don't need to do what others want so they're ; I need to do what I want to be happy.
[Anonymous_Member005] I'm strong
[varmaflower] I am special to other.
[Anonymous_Member005] I deserve to be happy
[ALWAYSHOPE] im smart.
[KiKBoxer] i am allowed to be me
[Jack] I am allowed to feel what I feel dammit!!!!!!!
[courage] I have the COURAGE to be ME!
[madge] im allowed to........
[ALWAYSHOPE] take caretaz. of you
[sanzo] does that feel good to say that Star???
[ewlialovesme] you can't please everybody
[honey_bear] Progress not perfection
[chicodiva] cuz I said so!
[madge] blank screeen
[honey_bear] this is my life
[ALWAYSHOPE] I am beautiful.
[sanzo] its my life
[ALWAYSHOPE] Inside.
[ballerinagirl] i'll be ok
[sanzo] and i want to live it
[Anonymous_Member005] I dont have to perfect
[honey_bear] others can't live through me
[varmaflower] i have a talent..
[chicodiva] Jack handy can do it
[chicodiva] why cant I

[SFishy] great answers everyone!

[MrFishy] AWESOME
[MrFishy] you can put yourself ina situation....
[MrFishy] where everyone around you validates you....
[MrFishy] each and every second of the day....
[MrFishy] but if you really break it down to its sum....
[MrFishy] its up to the validation that you give yourself that truly validates you....
[MrFishy] and i heard ALOT of self validation tonight....
[MrFishy] and i belive EACH and every one of them in you!

[SFishy] now...
[SFishy] the holidays season, no matter what you believe...
[SFishy] seems to revolve around gifts...
[SFishy] and being with people we love...
[SFishy] and as hard as it may seem, we can be with OURSELVES... because that is the person we should truly love the most...
[SFishy] so...
[SFishy] with that in mind...
[SFishy] what special little gift will you give to yourself this holiday season?
[SFishy] It can be something you will buy or something you will do that is special...
[SFishy] from the smallest to the biggest...
[SFishy] what gift will you give yourself????

[chicodiva] New underwear from victorias secret
[Anonymous_Member005] a hot bath
[courage] freedom
[HopeMadison] love
[Jack] long, hot baths
[honey_bear] forgiveness
[Pink_Princess] sleep more
[Jack] taking time to read
[momtofour] quiet focused time
[HopeMadison] understanding
[Jack] love
[honey_bear] time with friends
[ALWAYSHOPE] My own acceptance
[varmaflower] I would give my self a gift to learn to communitate with other people
[Anonymous_Member005] love
[KiKBoxer] time to relax
[La] yummy chapstick
[HopeMadison] patience
[ballerinagirl] time to do nothing if i can stand it
[La] music
[chicodiva] a massage
[doctor_amino] bookstore day--- just waste a complete day.
[honey_bear] crochet time
[courage] permission to seek more help
[madge] recovery
[momtofour] meditative breathing
[Jack] more time in the fishbowl
[varmaflower] a singing voice..
[honey_bear] a pedicure
[ALWAYSHOPE] read, relax, recoop!
[KiKBoxer] time to not think about anything!!
[Alexandra] An effortful attempt to eradicate self-doubt.
[ballerinagirl] time to practice singing
[ALWAYSHOPE] sex?
[Pink_Princess] play my violin
[honey_bear] learning to play my new Tori music
[ALWAYSHOPE] na
[Anonymous_Member005] call my therapist
[Jack] strength
[momtofour] gentleness and patience with self
[madge] start group
[ettatude] try to accept help
[Pink_Princess] hot bath instaed of cold
[honey_bear] begin interpersonal group
[ballerinagirl] meet a new old friend :)
[KiKBoxer] to be nice to myself
[Jack] go to therapy more regularly
[DysphoriaStabs] ADMIT TO MYSELF THAT IKNOW HOW TO PLAY PIANO ;)
[HopeMadison] gentleness
[Anonymous_Member005] to believe in myself
[courage] meet more fishies
[ALWAYSHOPE] Starting aed support group in my area.
[momtofour] listen to myself
[chicodiva] find a therapist and actually go
[courage] try to love me
[varmaflower] to learn share with my older sister and not be so selfish?
[courage] and accept my faults
[Jack] try to be patient with myself
[momtofour] spend more time being instead of doing
[madge] live not just survive
[doctor_amino] give myself a clean slate next Monday
[sarah_jane] permission not to be perfect
[Jack] enjoy my time with my kids
[chicodiva] realize that I don't have to be perfect and its ok to make a listake
[ALWAYSHOPE] believe in myself, cuz one day no one else might
[ballerinagirl] sleep in without feeling guilty
[Anonymous_Member005] play with my sisters
[HopeMadison] permission to relax
[Anonymous_Member005] permission to be me
[Jack] play with my kids

[SFishy] great answers all!

[MrFishy] great share!

[SFishy] I want to remind everyone...
[SFishy] that your gifts to yourselves are NOT things that you should expect to achieve overnight...
[SFishy] try your best
[SFishy] and remind yourself daily "I deserve this gift to myself" --
[SFishy] and take small steps to achieve the biggers ones...
[SFishy] take the time for YOU
[SFishy] we are getting close to the end of our chat tonight...
[SFishy] but there are a few more questions we have

[MrFishy] GOODY!

[SFishy] the holiday coming up this weekend is New Years...
[SFishy] and we DO NOT believe in resolutions
[SFishy] but it does symbolize the beginning of a new year
[SFishy] this shouldn't be something that we say "okay, January 1 I'm going to be all better"
[SFishy] or make broad promises to ourselves that only set us up for failure...
[SFishy] it's a time to spend looking forward to achieving the things we want for the future!

[MrFishy] id like to share a story....
[MrFishy] i heard an interview once...
[MrFishy] with a famous pole vaulter.....
[MrFishy] he won something or another...
[MrFishy] he wasnt the strongest....
[MrFishy] or the fastest....
[MrFishy] or the smartest at his craft......
[MrFishy] and they asked him....
[MrFishy] "why do you feel you won"...
[MrFishy] and he said....
[MrFishy] evertime i look at the pole.....
[MrFishy] up in the air....
[MrFishy] i VISUALIZE myself over that pole....
[MrFishy] and i take the jump ONE STEP AT A TIME.

[SFishy] this is the way we can look at life... and our own recovery
[SFishy] visualize where we want to be...
[SFishy] and take it at our own individual pace...
[SFishy] one step at a time
[SFishy] using our strengths... learning from our weaknesses
[SFishy] can you all share with me a strength you can build upon slowly for a new beginning towards recovery (or a continuation of the path)??

[chicodiva] I used to polevault and I know exactly what he was talking about. I never thought about applying it to recovery
[ALWAYSHOPE] Im going to let myself cry. And stand up for myself. I deserve it.
[ballerinagirl] letting myself tell people i'm hurting EVEN IF SOMEONE ELSE IS TOO :-/
[honey_bear] I'm going to take better care of me
[honey_bear] allowing myself to reach out
[Anonymous_Member005] I'm going to express my feelings to my psychologist
[momtofour] patience with myself
[ballerinagirl] not stuffing my own feelings back inside to slwoly kill me just because a friend is hurting too
[courage] I am going to get better so I can go back and finish school!
[ALWAYSHOPE] Im going to apply myself
[Alexandra] thinking before reacting
[Anonymous_Member005] love me
[La] sharing w/o tooo mcuh fear of judgement?
[Jack] I'm going to allow myself to feel whatever I am feeling and try not to bury it
[HopeMadison] allowing myself to ask for my needs
[doctor_amino] self-confidence
[Pink_Princess] be honest with me
[varmaflower] talk more to my coach and family about what bother me and not hide them and then do some stupid action?
[madge] i am not going to allow myself to be verbally abused or not listened to
[honey_bear] tell my therapist all that is going on
[chicodiva] I'm going to demand that people listen to me when I have a problem, instead of letting them walk all over me.
[ALWAYSHOPE] I believe I can get better.
[momtofour] honesty with others
[Jack] I'm going to be honest with others about what I am feeling
[Anonymous_Member005] allowing myself to believe I deserve help
[courage] use the resources I have
[ALWAYSHOPE] i believe I can do anything.
[Anonymous_Member005] honesty with myself
[HopeMadison] talk more and share more
[madge] censor less in therapy
[Anonymous_Member005] ditto
[doctor_amino] i keep WAITING, instread of DOING
[Pink_Princess] try and tell myselt the truth
[Jack] continue to be proud of my recovery
[ballerinagirl] let myself post something on the boards WHEN i feel bad..instead of waiting till after
[ALWAYSHOPE] then just do it doc.
[doctor_amino] go ballerinagirl.
[HopeMadison] i like that doc
[ALWAYSHOPE] Yes ballerinagirl:)
[Anonymous_Member005] realize that recovery doesn't happen over night
[doctor_amino] i will begin, i have no choice now. : )
[varmaflower] realizing I am not doing it(work on recovery) just for me but for my body and soul? (sorry, this sound stupid)

* MrFishy sprays the room with ED Repellant!!!

[momtofour] to reach out versus isolate when I feel rough
[Jack] I'm going to take time out for me
[courage] thanks tony!
[chicodiva] I'm going to use my stubbornness towards something positive
[HopeMadison] take more risjs
[ALWAYSHOPE] Yes ,you go doc!
[HopeMadison] risks
[ballerinagirl] smile
[Anonymous_Member005] spend time with myself
[HopeMadison] laugh more
[ALWAYSHOPE] Passthe bottle to me!
[HopeMadison] cry more
[madge] be kind to me

[SFishy] GREAT answers!

[MrFishy] AWESOME ANSWERS!

* SFishy is proud of everone

[SFishy] of course... I now want to hear your affirmations...
[SFishy] give me the reasons you deserve to love yourself!!!
[SFishy] Tell me your good qualities!

[honey_bear] I AM WORTH IT!
[HopeMadison] I am strong
[courage] I am strong and courageous!
[Jack] I am smart
[honey_bear] I am loving
[ALWAYSHOPE] Because I am kind
[Jack] I am kind
[Anonymous_Member005] bc I am special
[honey_bear] I am kind
[ballerinagirl] cause maybe i'm ok just cause i'm me
[Jack] I am strong
[ALWAYSHOPE] caring
[momtofour] I am compassionate
[Anonymous_Member005] I deserve it
[Pink_Princess] I love to listen
[courage] I am sensitive
[ALWAYSHOPE] happy
[HopeMadison] I am kind
[ALWAYSHOPE] sad
[honey_bear] caring
[momtofour] I am loving and lovable
[HopeMadison] loving
[ALWAYSHOPE] human
[Jack] I am compassionate
[madge] honest,good honest hard working
[varmaflower] I am very special to other?
[ballerinagirl] loving
[ALWAYSHOPE] normal
[momentito] i'm special
[HopeMadison] sensitive
[Jack] I am honest
[ALWAYSHOPE] deserving
[Anonymous_Member005] unique
[courage] I deserve happiness and love
[doctor_amino] funny and earnest.
[HopeMadison] honest
[Anonymous_Member005] ditto
[chicodiva] CAUSE I'M GOOD ENOUGH, I'M SMART ENOUGH AND GOSH DARN IT...PEOPLE LIKE ME!!!!!!!!!!
[madge] helpful
[Jack] I am a good mother
[ALWAYSHOPE] smart
[Jack] I am a good wife
[momtofour] I adore my family
[doctor_amino] chicodiva!
[ALWAYSHOPE] ambitous
[Jack] I have goals
[Anonymous_Member005] strong
[honey_bear] chicodiva... I love that!
[HopeMadison] I am a good person
[ballerinagirl] i work hard when i want something
[chicodiva] doc:0)
[ALWAYSHOPE] happy
[varmaflower] people look up to me and I am a good role model
[ewlialovesme] i'm capable of things that i think i am not
[chicodiva] THANKS HONEYBEAR
[courage] I am Courage hear me ROAR!!!!!!
[Jack] I am a good friend
[ALWAYSHOPE] lol chic
[honey_bear] yw
[Anonymous_Member005] I'm the Little engine that could
[HopeMadison] I am thoughtful
[momtofour] I am loyal
[momentito] i want to achieve my goals
[Jack] I am trustworthy
[ALWAYSHOPE] I will make it. cuz im strong
[varmaflower] I believe in myself and encourage other to do the same
[doctor_amino] i am ready!
[ewlialovesme] i'm not as bad as i think i am
[ballerinagirl] i'm not a bad person
[Anonymous_Member005] 2001 is the year
[ALWAYSHOPE] i am me:)
[HopeMadison] go Sarah

[MrFishy] EVERYONE should pat themselves on the back tonight! Awesome shares!

* SFishy pats everyone on the virtual back

[SFishy] you all did wonderful tonight and I thank everyone for sharing...
[SFishy] a follow-up game is already posted on the bulletin board, in the FISHING FOR SUPPORT forum...
[SFishy] and of course we invite all of you to participate!
[SFishy] The holiday season can be tough, but it can also be something to enjoy, a time to take care of US!!
[SFishy] and create new and positive memories for ourselves for the future!
[SFishy] You are ALL worth it

[MrFishy] DEFINITELY!

[SFishy] thanks so much to everyone for coming this month...
[SFishy] we'll be posting the transcript from the chat in the next 24 hours or so...
[SFishy] please remember always...
[SFishy] be good to yourselves...
[SFishy] and TAKE CARE OF YOU!

[MrFishy] be good to you all! and have a healthy and SAFE new year!

[SFishy] see you all next year (har har har har har) corny

[MrFishy] hehehehehehehee

[SFishy] and at next months chat (and around the bulletin boards!)
[SFishy] Good night!



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