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SFWED Live Chat for Support
Chat Support

Below you will find the list of available chat transcripts. Some of the older chats have not been included yet, but will appear here in the future.


Fishing for Support Chat -- APRIL, 2003




[SFishy] We're going to have a more casual format tonight
[kylie_fan] cool

[SFishy] more of an open chat type convo
[Windsong] ahh
[kylie_fan] :)
[buzzy_bee] hi guys
[andytails] send tony a hug then as hes not here
[lima] i've never been in chat w/ you amy so this is a bit new... only do them w/ wen
[sierramist] hi!
[andytails] what we gonna chat about tonight
[Windsong] it's my first time here too
[greatorexc] mine too
[kylie_fan] me too
[CareA] me too
[queeny] mine too
[sierramist] me too!!
* lima broke the ice
[nuttynutnitnunut] never been to this chat room
[BeckaBear] i really need this chat tonight, i am feeling really isolated and i am actually eating
[Windsong] geez...everyone!

[SFishy] on the board this week there have been some posts about therapy...
[nuttynutnitnunut] either
[pooh_bear_fan] gosh i feel like an old fart!
[kylie_fan] lol michelle

[SFishy] so I'd like to explore the patient-therapist relationship a bit
[andytails] lol pooh me too

[SFishy] who here is in therapy currently?
[kylie_fan] me
[CareA] me
[buzzy_bee] me
[BeckaBear] i wish i was
[lima] me
[Windsong] not me...
[nuttynutnitnunut] sort of...lol
[pooh_bear_fan] me
[andytails] on a new waiting list woohooo *grumble grumble*
[queeny] i'm on the verge of trying to start again...although feeling a bit discouraged and well sort of not ready
[buzzy_bee] i'm in DBT therapy gor the ed
[khodem] on=line
[Windsong] may be going to ed anony meeting tomorrow...we'll see...ugh
[FishyCalledDiana] hi
[FishyCalledDiana] did it start yet?
[kylie_fan] yup hon
[BeckaBear] i need therapy b/c i am expected to eat and have no one to talk to
[afallenangel] how does this work this is my first time here?

[SFishy] for those of you in therapy, what do you feel is the role of your therapist? For those not in, or getting ready to start, what role do you think a therapist would play in your recovery?
[andytails] so amy what next
[fetskoli] I am in t! Sorry I'm late--was surfing the boards.
[andytails] spoke too soon again
[pooh_bear_fan] her role is to listen to me, and perhaps make suggestions to put me in the right direction
[khodem] Sfishy-do you know about EEG therapy
[FishyCalledDiana] well the T is supposed to help you
[kylie_fan] they play a large part but to be honest u have to be able to want to do it yourself
[pooh_bear_fan] she does not judge
[lima] challenge you
[afallenangel] The role of the therapist is to help you see the underlying issues and helps you understand them
[andytails] giude me...and help me put my feet down in the right palce

[SFishy] yes khodem
[Windsong] facilitate change
[buzzy_bee] i think she is kind of a facilitator, yteaching skills and excersises and providing homework but not forcing change
[fetskoli] Be a good listener and to answer my WHY question
[FishyCalledDiana] somebody to tell my problems to and listen to me

[SFishy] fet: shouldn't she help YOU come up with your own answer why?
[fetskoli] Points me in the right direction and challenges.
[FishyCalledDiana] is anybody in therapy for anything other than an ed?
[greatorexc] sorry...is this chat only for suffers or for loved ones also?
[CareA] I see my T as a guide and someon who helps me to discover why I do the wacky shtuff I do
[queeny] someone to give an objective reality check
[pooh_bear_fan] for sufferers
[fetskoli] (eg--WHY do I have this ed in the first place)
[FishyCalledDiana] help me balance my moods and help me with my coping skilly (im bipolar and anxiety disorder prone)

[SFishy] loved-ones are welcome, but this is primarily a sufferers chat
[khodem] Do you think EEG is very helpful?
[queeny] I suppose that is the question...do people affected by ed have the answers within them?
[nuttynutnitnunut] what is eeg

[SFishy] khodem: it can be VERY helpful for a lot of issues that contribute to ED behaviors... like OCD
[afallenangel] I thinkt hey do and the therapist helps you bring it out
[greatorexc] thx
[FishyCalledDiana] oh
[FishyCalledDiana] nobody ever helped me with my ocd though

[SFishy] everyone: do you think your therapist should make you accountable for your actions?
[kylie_fan] the therapist helps me see things more clearly
[fetskoli] She challenges me in ways I'd never think of challenging myself
[CareA] yes
[FishyCalledDiana] yes
[fetskoli] yes
[Windsong] yep
[pooh_bear_fan] how do you mean?
[buzzy_bee] i have mno choice she doeas lol
[afallenangel] absolutly
[kylie_fan] ummn hard one s fishy....................
[afallenangel] LOL mine too buzzy
[queeny] YES, however it's the balance between accountalbe and BAD for making mistakes
[FishyCalledDiana] they should not rely on pat answers such as saying "acting out behaviors"
[kylie_fan] yeah i suppose..................
[fetskoli] We're all responsible for our behaviors, regardless. And we have to see that. Right?

[SFishy] accountability is pretty important... that doesn't mean "scolding" (even though sometimes it's gonna feel like that even when it's NOT)
[FishyCalledDiana] yah. but why did my ex T say all the time that I didn't have an ed and it was all "Acting out behaviors"
[CareA] I liek that she holds me accountable b/c I know someone is looking out for me
[fetskoli] My t's quote for the week: "IT'S NOT A MISTAKE IF YOU LEARN FROM IT."
[afallenangel] what happens though when you find the tehrapy sessions make you worse?

[SFishy] does that accountability help to teach you to look out for yourself CareA?
[FishyCalledDiana] well, i dont think they should iggy the problems either
[andytails] does accountable mean the same as responsible....sorry for being dumb
[khodem] I think they have you find your answer and help you be accountable with thier lead
[CareA] yes as difficult as that is
[buzzy_bee] no mine makes me sit down and do a chain analysys of episodes to show me how things went wrong

[SFishy] afallenagnel: that depends. Things can often get worse before better... but you can't let that become an excuse either
[FishyCalledDiana] well, i like my new team
[fetskoli] Feeling worse during recovery hurts like hell.
[afallenangel] your'e right about that I just found it has made it worse but probably because of my not wanting to face issues rather than it being my therapist's fault
[CareA] i have to email my food logs to her and I feel guilty when I don't do what I am supoosed to
[FishyCalledDiana] actually, im better now (no more anxiety or bipolar) thanks to my T
[Windsong] what do you do when you reach out and doors are slammed in ur face?
[FishyCalledDiana] my ocd is still there
[buzzy_bee] then where things could have been different

[SFishy] yes, and facing issues is tough while you are simultaneously trying to learn better ways to cope
[afallenangel] yes it is very tough
[fetskoli] I think good t's don't hold you accountable for everything all at once. They just pick and choose the biggies.
[kylie_fan] windsong.....try try again

[SFishy] even when doors are closed Windsong, you can always find another opening someWHERE
[kylie_fan] yup
[CareA] i agree too
[FishyCalledDiana] actually, fetkioli, sometimes they pick and choose and end up ignoring
[kylie_fan] as one door closes another one opens..........
[queeny] what do you do if you're afraid to open the door and afraid of failing (had an ed for over 5yrs)?

[SFishy] what do you all things is the hardest thing about therapy, or starting therapy?
[fetskoli] Ignoring what, Diana?
[Windsong] I reach out second time...and couldn't afford therapy cost...no ins...sliding scale too much
[kylie_fan] queeny what have u got to lose hon?

[SFishy] queeny, it's okay to be afraid, but don't let it paralyze you
[pooh_bear_fan] letting someone else into your world, and being honest that not everything is ok
[queeny] failure and disclosure to someone
[FishyCalledDiana] my ex-therapist always ignored my bulimia, and it was the worst then and i still have it
[CareA] thinking that someone would care
[fetskoli] Starting t (again) is tough b/c that means admitting there's a problem.
[buzzy_bee] i hate talking about things that i have closed up for so long i end up leaving feeling horrible
[Meg_R] building the relationshp and being honest about what i do with food
[andytails] keeping it up, and trying not to focus on the things you have taught yourself are bad
[FishyCalledDiana] well, make sure you find the right T because a lot of them are bad
[afallenangel] The hardest thing is having face issues you don't want to that you have kept deep down for so long and trusting the therapist enough
[pooh_bear_fan] some fishydiana, but not all
[afallenangel] to allow yourself to be vulnerable

[SFishy] a lot of them are also good FishyCalledDi... you have to find one that's a fit for you
[Windsong] the hardest thing for me is letting some one in...
[faithinHim] also making time for therapy
[Windsong] letting someone care about me...and listen to me
[FishyCalledDiana] well, theres a whole hospital near me which is bad, but now i go to a good one
[Meg_R] not wanting them to "mother" me in the way i didn't get "mothered"
[buzzy_bee] and i find it hard to know what ok to say in tharapy too
[CareA] I worry my T will give up on me
[queeny] it's also hard to convince yourself that you're worth the time to take from work, etc to go to therapy
[seekinghelp] I think starting therapy is hard because I should be able to get better on my own maybe
[FishyCalledDiana] but im still afraid to tell them my ed is acting up, because it was ignored in the past
[kylie_fan] i worry about the transferrance thing
[fetskoli] A hard personal thing for me was being dropped by a LCSW for being too into my ed and too much for her at the time. She did refer me, but the rejection thing hurrt.

[SFishy] thinking about what you think is the hardest about therapy, do each of you talk to your therapist about it, or will you when you start therapy?
[kylie_fan] no
[seekinghelp] maybe
[Meg_R] i do talk to my therapist about those things
[FishyCalledDiana] well, i have more important issues than my ed right now
[andytails] sometimes
[buzzy_bee] i get to scared to
[Windsong] oh yes...i've talked to my ex-t about my issues with therapy
[afallenangel] Yes I have told her that I find it tough to be open and honest and to please be patient that it takes me time to trust
[FishyCalledDiana] it doesnt matter that i starved myself for a few weeks, because im eating again
[khodem] I share a lot often I'd like my therapist to share even more
[FishyCalledDiana] i can manage everything on my own
[fetskoli] I do talk about hard stuff, and that takes courage--doesn't happen for me every week.
[seekinghelp] fishy diana that is not true at all
[CareA] I have started to talk about transferrance and it's really difficult to be vulnerable
[FishyCalledDiana] what's not true, seeking?

[SFishy] it does take courage fetskoli... and everyone, it's scary, but it IS important to discuss these things with your therapist
[seekinghelp] that everything is ok now
[afallenangel] I just don't want her to get frustrated and thinkI am wasting her time because I do want to get better
[FishyCalledDiana] why? so they can ignore the problem with somebody else?
[buzzy_bee] will they get anry though. sorry have this hang up on being liked

[SFishy] FishyCalledDi: if you feel ignored find another thearpist. It is up to YOU to manage your recovery and what is working for you.
[fetskoli] T's are trained not to be angry at you, buzzy.
[FishyCalledDiana] they might be stern, but not angry
[CareA] I sometimes think it is good for a therapist to show anger - it makes them more human
[Meg_R] i have found that as i have changed i also changed the type of therapist i prefer

[SFishy] buzzy_bee: you won't know until you talk about it... but therapist's are prepared to talk about these kind of issues... that's what they are trained for ;)
[FishyCalledDiana] Do BPD people get eds?
[Windsong] that's interesting Meg!
[buzzy_bee] your right fet, i think it is more a me thing. i dunno maybe i use it as an excuse but yeah thanx too amy
[kylie_fan] s fishy do u think it is possible to get better....on your own?

[SFishy] Meg_R: that's not unusual at all. If you feel you aren't getting what you need anymore from one therapist, even if they've been great for a long time, nothing wrong with changing
[fetskoli] I really liked it when my t disclosed how something in her life made her cry. That helped me to realize she's human too and it's ok to trust her if she can trust me like that.

[SFishy] FishCalledDi: yes
[Meg_R] it was very cool
[afallenangel] is it true that it takes seven to ten years to be fully recovered
[FishyCalledDiana] oh, because i had plenty tell me im too BPD to have an ed
[Meg_R] because i realized i was in charge of my recovery

[SFishy] it's different for everyone afallenangel
[seekinghelp] it takes longer for some people

[SFishy] too me a little over five years
[seekinghelp] or shorter for others
[Meg_R] and that is when the real work started for me
[CareA] fetskoli - i agree when your T shares it's helpful
[afallenangel] I just saw a special and that's what they said a little discouraging
[seekinghelp] well you can be different from the average!
[buzzy_bee] i kinda feel like i failed in my therapy actually
[seekinghelp] and it is better to get better in 7 years than to no to get better at all
[fetskoli] Don't believe everything you hear, afallenangel.
[FishyCalledDiana] i feel like i dont need mine, only meds

[SFishy] amen seekinghelp!
[afallenangel] that is so true seeking
[seekinghelp] :)

[SFishy] if you could pick one thing, what do you like about going to therapy?

[SFishy] for those who don't yet go, what are your hopes in going to therapy?
[buzzy_bee] s fishy when an ed program goes for a cerain pariod of time should you be better ad recovered at the end of it
* fetskoli (rolls eyes at Amy)
[afallenangel] I love group therapy because I get to talk to other people who are going through the same thing
[earthcradles] a place to not have to pretend i am fine
* Meg_R thinks: that for 1 hour its all about me
[CareA] that someone hears me/spend time with me
[fetskoli] I dunno, it's so hard. Maybe that's why I like it sometimes????
[queeny] having the breaking pt and realizing i don't need to keep binging

[SFishy] buzzy_bee -- probably not. A lot of programs want you to arrange for aftercare, or you should when you get out
[afallenangel] In one on one therapy I like the fact that she challanges me and doesn't let me use my ED as an excuse for anything
[nuttynutnitnunut] I just recently told my therapist, and I'm thinking I made a mistake, what good can she do really
[kylie_fan] just being able to talk to someone
[seekinghelp] Well when I did go, someone really gave me useful advice for ME not anyone else
[Windsong] someone to give me a different perspective
[FishyCalledDiana] having somebody listen to me
[khodem] I like having a therapist/friend on line. That is the best kind for me she has alsays been there for months it kept me in recovery
[FishyCalledDiana] having real-time help
[fetskoli] I guess having someone to confide in and believe everything that I say.
[buzzy_bee] ahh cool i had a group program go for 4 months and i kinda felt like i failed because now it is the end, i'm still trying hard but i thought i might have let others down i let myself down
[afallenangel] I just wish that I could get in touch with either of them when I really need them
[FishyCalledDiana] where? Renfew?
[buzzy_bee] i like relaxtion excersises in therapy

[SFishy] it's not at all uncommon to need aftercare buzzy -- if the program doesn't offer it or help you set it up, set it up for yourself
[earthcradles] if you are still working on it you have not failed buzzy
[buzzy_bee] yeah mno the program did i just started to take it up
[fetskoli] I like it when I can let my guard down and be productive in t, and not bottle things up. Everyone has good and bad days, even t's too!

[SFishy] do you all think it's important for therapist to set up boundaries? And how do you feel about them saying "you can't call me unless it's an emergency between sessions"
[buzzy_bee] thanx earth no i am still working really hard
[FishyCalledDiana] do you think i should tell my T tonight that my a-b is back?
[pooh_bear_fan] i think its healthy
[kylie_fan] yes s fishy
[seekinghelp] I think everyone needs boundaries
[Windsong] absolutely!
[Meg_R] i think it is essential
[buzzy_bee] yeah i think it is important
[afallenangel] I think it is important to have boundaries but if someone really needs them they should be able to leave a voice mail
[seekinghelp] They cant give up their lives for you
[Windsong] everyone needs boundaries
[buzzy_bee] it would stop a depency thing
[fetskoli] I can't call my t. She even says that her weekends are hers for mental health. I understand that.
[earthcradles] my therapist lets me call when i need to no matter what- when i started therapy i called a lot, but i don't now
[afallenangel] and let it be the therapist's discrestion wehter he/she calls back
[queeny] yes, speakign of boundaries; is it realistic to think that i can overcome my ed on an outpt basis; i'm really not wanting to stop the rest of my life; career, etc
[FishyCalledDiana] no, because with anxiety prone people there are always problems
[khodem] boundies are good-you stand for your self sometimes
[CareA] i have a hard time calling my T even thoughs she says I can
[afallenangel] I really needed mine today but couldn't get in touch with her.. Thank goodness for SF
[afallenangel] =-)
[kylie_fan] it helps us set boundries and to recognise them for ourselves s fishy
[seekinghelp] yes you can do it queeny, it depends on y our determination and your situation
[Windsong] I don't think I could ever call a t
[fetskoli] Yeah--I use SF when I'm really in trouble.
[FishyCalledDiana] my stupid BPD T said I couldn't call her, ended up almost killing myself
[faithinHim] have never called mine.....

[SFishy] queeny: eveyrone is different. I didn't go inpatient... some people need to, some people like day programs, it depends on you
[FishyCalledDiana] well, i didnt have an internet at the time
[buzzy_bee] yeah ut dianna i have found stiking anxiety out myself to be more productive in the long run then knowing i can grab at the first thing
[afallenangel] I just feel I am at a bad place right now and I need the extra support it's not all the time just every once in awhile

[SFishy] I was never allowed to call my therapist between sessions. If it was an emergency or I was in danger we had an agreement I would go to the emergency room -- I didn't think he was a "bad" therapist for setting that boundary.
[fetskoli] I used to think you needed to hit rock bottom to recover, but so many people said NO, that's not it AT ALL.
[earthcradles] i think it was good for me- to learn to ask for help and then have it actually be there consistently
[FishyCalledDiana] my T lets me call her whenever (new T)
[Windsong] what rock bottom? when ur dead?
[khodem] called mine twice in 7 months one was to check of her because she wasn't well
[earthcradles] lol

[SFishy] many therapist are different in the boundaries they will set... it's doesn't, by itself, make them "bad" or "good"
[kylie_fan] here in the uk patients and t's dont have the "outside of hours" relationship
[FishyCalledDiana] too bad!
[buzzy_bee] i had an agreement with mine about those harm issues though that a call to mental health would be made
[fetskoli] My t always answers her phone, even during my session. It's never a client in trouble, but if I was in trouble, I knew she'd answer the phone.
[FishyCalledDiana] my ex-T usta call me late at night if i needed her (but dumped her because she was too domineering)
[fetskoli] Her number is also close to a local business's number, and she gets calls for them.
[FishyCalledDiana] lol
[Windsong] lol
[fetskoli] You're welcome for the comic relief.

[SFishy] If there is one thing you haven't told your therapist and need to, what is it? If there WAS one hard thing that you were reluctant to share but finally did, how'd did you go about it?
[FishyCalledDiana] i dont think T's should turn you against family members
* Meg_R thinks: now that is a great question
[FishyCalledDiana] well, i want to tell my T about my bumilirexia, but am too scared
[kylie_fan] ummn......................... transferrence
[buzzy_bee] yeah there is one thing a huge thing i haven't told her
[Windsong] I told my t about a date rape...he didn't think it was a date rape
[fetskoli] OMG, this isn't about my t at all, but I'd like to be courageous enough to tell my parents about my ed. They don't know. I'm an adult, Amy's age.
[kylie_fan] transferrence-not just between me and him but me and teachers too
[afallenangel] My T pretty much knows all from intake the one thing I was reluctant to tell her was about my abuse issues with my husband
[FishyCalledDiana] well, once i had a flashback of abuse in my doctors office and he told me to masturbate
[earthcradles] it is really hard for me to be angry with my therapist and talk about it
[queeny] when i start; my hopelessness that i can recover from bulimia since it's so much a part of my life.
[afallenangel] and I am reluctant to tell her when I engage in ED behavior but I always do tell her
[CareA] I wrote to her baout it
[khodem] a slip and I still haven't told her yet but I will soon

[SFishy] writing is a great idea when something is too hard to say!
[earthcradles] diana- get a new doctor
[buzzy_bee] how do u tell them sfishy
[seekinghelp] I never told my old T about SI I have done before, until our last session so that didnt get me anywhere
[CareA] and then we discussed it in a session
[Windsong] I used to read outta my journal cause I have trouble expressing myself
[FishyCalledDiana] i sometimes show my T my journal entries (it's online so I copy-paste it to Word and print it out)
[kylie_fan] yeah i keep a diary and write my feelings in it its great for him to see it without me having to start the convo
[starrynite] How can you tell if your t believes you? thats why I dumped mine . . .
[fetskoli] My t says she has email but stresses she doesn't check it much, so I can't write to her.

[SFishy] starrynite... how about asking her?
[seekinghelp] if you are telling the truth, they should believe
[fetskoli] Oh, reading what you've written--good idea.
[pooh_bear_fan] speaking of therapy ... that time is here. off i go! catch ya all later :o)
[FishyCalledDiana] bye
[seekinghelp] Bye pooh
[afallenangel] bye pooh
[FishyCalledDiana] good luck

[SFishy] have a good one pooh
[starrynite] she's going to say yes though because its her job to listen
[earthcradles] i write things down too- it helps- so i don't sit around staring at the floor and saying "um......."
[Windsong] bye
[fetskoli] Bye Michelle
[kylie_fan] bye michelle
[FishyCalledDiana] i wrote things down for one of my T's and she still didn't believe me
[CareA] I ask her and it has taken time to trust her, but I am starting to

[SFishy] did you ask her why FishyCalledDi?
[afallenangel] I find my T talks only about on issue every time when that isn't the only issue
[FishyCalledDiana] said i didn't have a problem

[SFishy] again, if that's the case, you should find a new therapist
[khodem] I write every thing down
[FishyCalledDiana] meanwhile, i could of almost died of b
[fetskoli] Oooh, my psych (for meds, not t) doesn't believe in ADD and I wish he would.
[starrynite] I never asked mine directly but she said that even though she wouldn't think by looking at me that I have an ed all my thoughts and behaviour says otherwise
[FishyCalledDiana] couldn't thats where the program was and where the abulence kept bringing me
[starrynite] that just made me want to restrict more though
[buzzy_bee] i do love writing but i write about my life in metaphores i'm not sure she'd undestand but i'd be willing to try that whole writing thing
[CareA] it's really scary to trust in others but I think if I want to get better I have to so I have chosen to trust in my T
[kylie_fan] i wish i could talk about my mum more

[SFishy] doesn't hurt to try buzzy... ask her if she's open to it too
[fetskoli] Go CareA!!!!!!
[Windsong] kylie...me too
[earthcradles] i am discourage that i am doing okay changing by behavior, but my heart and mind seem the same- so self hating
[FishyCalledDiana] me too, so i cant tell her and let her down
[FishyCalledDiana] and not be able to drive
* CareA CareA blushes
[fetskoli] earth--that IS SO hard.
[starrynite] I always thikn how nice it would be to eat and not stress about it but at the same time its too scary
[buzzy_bee] yeah no i will thax i have tried b4 with others and they have responded fine so i hope she will alot more restrictions is my only worry
[buzzy_bee] brb
[FishyCalledDiana] im trying to put on weight
* fetskoli high fives CareA
[seekinghelp] yeah starry thats why you have to keep working on it
[queeny] i agree even when i change my behavior; i often feel worse..instead of better..as if i'm waiting to slip up again.
[FishyCalledDiana] i think i look too puney
[starrynite] I thikn though that you have to really want to get better and I am not so sure I do

[SFishy] how many of you hve talked to your thearpists about working on self-esteem and alternative coping methods?
[seekinghelp] You have to keep trying to want to you know?
[fetskoli] Me.
[earthcradles] over and over
[CareA] I think that's a great attitude FishyDiana
[FishyCalledDiana] DBT handles that
[starrynite] I have but I never actually do what she says
[kylie_fan] not me yet........
[Windsong] i didn't make it that far in therapy
[starrynite] yes I know seeking
[afallenangel] we have talked about the self esteem issues but she still ahsn't given any insight into other coping methods
[fetskoli] But it's hard to change bad habits that are older than dirt.
[queeny] I agree fetskoli; any suggestions on "change" SFishy
[CareA] my T and I have made lists, but I honeslty forget them in the heat of the moment
[FishyCalledDiana] i had an ed for 4 years, and so scared by therapy that I cant talk about it anymore
[FishyCalledDiana] i really want to talk to my T, but cant bring myself to do it
[afallenangel] what are some coping methods?
[FishyCalledDiana] i was less than i should be last time, and she didnt even notice
[buzzy_bee] okies i'm backkkkkkkkkkkk
[afallenangel] wb buzzy
[seekinghelp] arts and crafts
[CareA] reaching out to others

[SFishy] it's okay to ask for what you want in therapy... if you think you need to talk about coping mechanisms, do it!
[CareA] going for a gentle walk
* FishyCalledDiana wants to cry
[Windsong] playing with ur dog
[buzzy_bee] the whole DBT hing is about altrnative methods so i learn a new skill every week to use
[tri_jp] writing
[earthcradles] there are a lot of ideas to try but i find that when i feel awful i want immediate relief and the healthy options are delayed gratification
[starrynite] I wish I could still see my t sometimes just because its nice to talk and get it out
[afallenangel] so Ihave to be assertive. that's a tough thing
[seekinghelp] but those are all distractions, I think on top of these things we need something real. Like a REAL change
[queeny] most likely we all know in our head..writing, hobbies, being with friends. But most of the tiem I choose to do the ed behaviro b/c i enjoy it best right now.
[FishyCalledDiana] buzzy are you BPD too
[fetskoli] Shit, that's scary queeny, and I know right where you are. It does get better, hun.
[buzzy_bee] borderline yeah i am but there is some good resources out there to use for it
* FishyCalledDiana is crying
[afallenangel] I just want to be able to allow myself to get angry allow myself to cry when I need to rather than using Ed behavior to rid myself of bad feelings
* fetskoli hugs FCD
* earthcradles thinks: seekinghelp is right
[FishyCalledDiana] i cant tell my T about bulimirexia right now
[queeny] how does it get better fetskoli?
[seekinghelp] Good thinking afallenangel, that can happen if you really try
[fetskoli] Why not FCD?
[CareA] I find it hard to let my T know when I am stressed/in crisis - i feel like a burden
[starrynite] I always want to cry but I feel like such a wus
[starrynite] me too care
[seekinghelp] crying is natural
[afallenangel] I am scared to do it but i know eventually it's going to happen
[FishyCalledDiana] well, my mom always asks me whats wrong and I cant tell her
[starrynite] thats for anyone though, not just my t
[earthcradles] i don't want to cry or be angry bc i am afaid it will never stop
[fetskoli] I can tell you all I want, queeny, but you just have to experience the improvement wonder for yourself.
[kylie_fan] i cried in my tutorial at university this morning..............so embarrassing!!!!!!
[seekinghelp] It comes and goes earth when it needs to
[buzzy_bee] s fishy with regards to therapist, because i am finding it hard to ask the fight person do they tend to know about physical consequences of ed's
[starrynite] thats how I feel about eating earth
[afallenangel] I hear you earth I am afraid the T will be upset with me
[CareA] me too starry and earth
[starrynite] I cried like a baby the first time I saw a t

[SFishy] some do buzzy.. you med doctor might kno wmore... there's also info on the site about it that you could take to your doc or therapist
[earthcradles] me too starry- maybe we just took the first fear and put it into eds
* FishyCalledDiana cant stop crying
[fetskoli] I thought getting in with a t that isn't an ed specialist was the wrong thing to do, but we're making a lot of progress, which I'm really surprised about.
[seekinghelp] Fishy, tell us how you want us to help you
[CareA] it's really imp that your doc realizes the potential consequences
[starrynite] maybe earth

[SFishy] my therapist wasn't specialized in EDs fetskoli... it's really up to you to find a fit
[buzzy_bee] yeah i might do that my doctor does think it may be partialy related so i might be better to stick with her opinion too thankies
* earthcradles hands tissues and hugs
[Windsong] my t was a graduate student at another college...he was great!
[FishyCalledDiana] my T is, but I can't talk to her about it because of past exp. with otherT's
[fetskoli] My last noned t wasn't a good fit, and I just found this one by chance (well, it was insurance) but it's working for me.
[starrynite] my t works on my campus ..its the only free one around
[starrynite] but Ican't see her anymore
[FishyCalledDiana] how come?

[SFishy] it's hard to take chances Diana... but you are going to have to try...even if you have to write it
[kylie_fan] mine too stary ..............i get to see him every 3 weeks or so
[starrynite] she said I couldnt continue without physical check ups
[starrynite] and I refused
[fetskoli] Yeah, my first ever t was a grad student on campus (moons ago) and I didn't think she was one bit effective for me.
[buzzy_bee] fcd i have had that issue too and you will find the courage, you just have to think about it in the way that for every bad tharapist there are 50 great one's
[FishyCalledDiana] you should go for a checkup, because eds have sideeffects
[starrynite] I odnt want people weighing me
[fetskoli] No kidding, FCD.
[FishyCalledDiana] oh
[Windsong] Meeting tomorrow...I'm scared!!! why do I wanna start going to a support group?
[fetskoli] :) :(

[SFishy] We're getting close to the end everyone... I'd like to have you do some affirmations, like we always do, but a specific one tonight...
[FishyCalledDiana] because it might be helpful

[SFishy] Tell me why you deserve thearpy and recovery!
[seekinghelp] Ok
[buzzy_bee] support groups can be rreally good providing the focus is the future
[fetskoli] I deserve it for ME that's why!
[FishyCalledDiana] because i deserve to get better
[afallenangel] I deserve therapy and recovery because I am a great person who deserves happiness
[earthcradles] my t and i have agreed on a low weight at which i have to be weighed at sessions and see a nutritionist, and otherwise she trusts me to bring it up when i need it- so she is watching me but i also am doing the work myself
[FishyCalledDiana] because i deserve not to die
[tri_jp] i deserve to be happy
[kylie_fan] because im a wonderful person who means alot to people
* fetskoli thinks: Can we scream them even though MrF's not here?
[starrynite] I deserve to succeed in life
[faithinHim] never feel deserving
[queeny] b/c my unique being would be better without an ed!
[earthcradles] because there has to be more life out there
[kylie_fan] lol i nearly choked when i said that lol
[khodem] Because therapy for me is a gift from God and recovery is living life to the fullness which I desire

[SFishy] definitely scream them so MrF can hear you in the next room! LOL
[kylie_fan] lol
[fetskoli] I'M BETTER THAN MY ED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[seekinghelp] Because I don't need to deal with this any longer and I can be normal again and HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Windsong] to get better
[Windsong] to be healthy
[kylie_fan] wow im not used to saying good stuff abt myself
[fetskoli] ED'S SUCK AND I DON'T!
[FishyCalledDiana] because im finally normal
[CareA] b/c I want to get my PhD, live a a happy life and help children!
[seekinghelp] good one lisa
[fetskoli] TY
[buzzy_bee] s fishyi live by an affirmation i made up i deserve theapy because i want to be a beautiful butterfly: the shed the ugly apects if the past and propell into the vibrant future with beautiful colours. I dunnoi i think evryone has that right

[SFishy] yay everyone... keep going!
[starrynite] yes I want children!
[seekinghelp] me too
[FishyCalledDiana] i want to be a psychologist
[kylie_fan] also i need to remeber to worry abt today because tommorow has its own worries
[seekinghelp] I dont want to be miserable for my whole life
[FishyCalledDiana] (somebody told me i couldnt if i still was in the depths of my ed)
[fetskoli] I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH STUFF IN A HEALTHY WAY TO TAKE CARE OF ME!
[Windsong] I wanna be able to function in a relationship!
[starrynite] I don't want numbers to rule my life
[Windsong] I wanna be able to function.
[tri_jp] i want to feel loved
[earthcradles] because maybe i can believe in change
[CareA] i love the earth moving under my feet - I dont' wnat to be in the earth
[buzzy_bee] i want to be well
[FishyCalledDiana] I want to be me!
[starrynite] I dont want to panic when someone touches me
[fetskoli] i WANT TO BE ABLE TO LOVE MYSELF AGAIN.
[CareA] me too starry
[Windsong] starry...me too
[afallenangel] I want to go back to school and take psychology and specialize in ED's. I want to raise ED awareness and find away to ban pro anorexia/bullimia sites
[earthcradles] i want to live IN my body and enjoy it
[starrynite] I don't want to feel like people judge me
[Windsong] I want to be comfortable in my body
[starrynite] and if they do I dont want to care
* fetskoli thinks: this feels stupid being the only one screaming. TS :)
[Windsong] I wanna love my me-ness
[buzzy_bee] lol fet
[fetskoli] i WANT MY NORMAL LIFE BACK.
[CareA] I wanna love period
[earthcradles] so i can feel kisses and grass and soft clothes...
[fetskoli] AGAIN
[seekinghelp] To Just Be
[seekinghelp] and not be trapped
[CareA] no pun intended -
[kylie_fan] i want to be able to feel comfortable with compliments and BELIEVE them
[fetskoli] I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY.
[FishyCalledDiana] That's it! After this meeting, I'm telling my T

[SFishy] everyone... I'm glad we got to chat tonight about therapy.. thanks so much for coming
[starrynite] I want that voice to go away

[SFishy] and thank YOURSELVES for coming
[Windsong] thanks
[afallenangel] I wanna be happy with myself and not base my worthiness and happiness on a number
[kylie_fan] thank YOU sfishy
[fetskoli] ty, Amy.
[seekinghelp] Thanks SFishy. Goodnight :)
[FishyCalledDiana] ty
[afallenangel] thank you
[CareA] thank you Wendy
[afallenangel] goodnight
[Windsong] g'nite
[earthcradles] goodnight all
[starrynite] thanks fishy!
[queeny] thanks everyone. goodnight
[tri_jp] thanks amy
[khodem] Have a Good night-thank you



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